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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Needy man in the coffeeshop

258 replies

Member968405 · 31/03/2026 10:53

We have a lovely coffeeshop nearby: independent, great coffee and pastries, lots of plants. Much nicer than Costa. A few minutes in there is my only peaceful time, a few times a week.

Every single day an older man is sitting in there. He says he’s ‘writing’ but he looks up at every single person who comes in, with ‘please talk to me’ eyes.

I have tried to be friendly, but it’s never just a quick chat about the weather. It’s always something enormous and I can’t get away: gender, immigration, his life history at great length. Yesterday:

Me: Hi how are you?
Him: Not good
Me: What’s wrong?
Him: Sometimes I just find people are so disappointing.

I was determined not to get trapped again so I just smiled and walked away at that point. Then felt guilty a bit but it’s ridiculous at this point.

Why do some men think women owe them a conversation?

YABU: Talk to him every time
YANBU: Quick smile and sit somewhere else

OP posts:
Bristolandlazy · 31/03/2026 10:59

Blimey, he's going in too heavy, that would stress anyone out. Headphones is a good suggestion. You don't owe him your time.

2026IsMyYear · 31/03/2026 10:59

Just ignore him. I don't understand why you're engaging with him.

Is the coffee shop tiny? I'd hate that as i detest feeling like i have to engage with random people in small spaces

IPM · 31/03/2026 10:59

This is not a man/woman thing, it's a people thing.

There are some very lonely people around who crave contact from strangers in cafes, supermarkets, on the bus etc.

It can be awkward and annoying so you don't have to converse with them if you don't want to.

Not everyone is cut out for or has the desire for small talk.

bluewednesdaysky · 31/03/2026 10:58

He's not your problem, just ignore him.

ChickenBananaBanana · 31/03/2026 10:56

DreamyJade · 31/03/2026 10:55

You don’t owe him anything, but it would be nice to have a two minute chat if you can spare it. Often elderly people won’t talk to anyone for days at a time.

This is very hashtag be kind but occasionally there's a reason no-one talks to them. You owe him nothing op

DreamyJade · 31/03/2026 10:55

You don’t owe him anything, but it would be nice to have a two minute chat if you can spare it. Often elderly people won’t talk to anyone for days at a time.

Rowley456 · 31/03/2026 10:55

I'd wear headphones and avoid eye contact. He'll get the message.

Villanellesproudmum · 31/03/2026 10:54

You said he looks at everyone? Not just females?

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