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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel frustrated over being copied.

87 replies

LlamaBasket · 31/03/2026 02:21

Feeling fed up. It’s not the biggest problem in the world, but it’s annoying. I’ve named changed for privacy and I’m going to change details to try to keep this as anonymous as possible.

I have a lifelong interest. Something that has really influenced me as a person. Let’s pretend that is motor cross. This interest influences how I dress, where I go, what I do at the weekend etc.

I have a sister (we are both in our thirties by the way) who has never showed any interest in my particular hobby. They’ve never even tried it. But, they seem to have suddenly decided they like my aesthetic and they have began to buy the same as me.

They are wandering around wearing the jacket or the shoes, very similar to mine, even talking the talk. It’s gotten quite strange, as though they’ve almost convinced themselves that this is ‘their thing’ as well. They talk as if they’ve been doing it for years - allowing people to believe this is ‘our hobby’. If I buy a special top, they buy it too. And when they look at me, dressed like my reflection, they are looking at me with this look that questions ‘is she buying this?’.

We work together for the same company and it’s getting embarrassing. I feel like I’m having my identity stolen, as dramatic as that sounds. I looked a bit different with my particular style, perhaps a tad eccentric and that was fine. Now we look like a pair of wally’s and I’m losing my own confidence.

I’ve asked her to stop. She seems to not feel like she’s doing anything, or she brushes it off, or changes the subject.

And the worst thing…if I started something new, she couldn’t cope and within weeks would copy that too. It’s a pattern.

AIBU? I’m not trying to gate keep a particular aesthetic, but I like being myself and in a way I almost feel mocked. Just to add, I don’t tell her what I have, I don’t show her what I’m going to buy. If she sees me in something on a Monday for example, by Friday she’s got herself something similar.

OP posts:
Comtesse · 31/03/2026 06:29

Take the piss out of her. Be like those annoying men who ask people wearing Led Zeppelin t shirts a million questions to prove they aren’t “real fans”.

Or start wearing very plain jeans and black t shirts to work all the time so there is nothing to pick up on.

MoodyMargaret11 · 31/03/2026 05:48

That's really bizarre. Has anything happened recently, a change in her life or yours that may have triggered it - something that could have made her feel insecure, jealous or competitive?

I think you need to push further on this with her, make your feelings clear and ask outright why she's doing it. If she deflects/ignores don't leave it, keep challenging her on the spot.

Failing this, I'd do as suggested above re "work uniform". Or I'd have some fun with it, start dressing like her usual style, or a mixture of random clothes/styles 2-3 out of the 5 days. She won't be able to keep up.

Westun · 31/03/2026 05:32

Has the only started recently? Are you more senior to her at work? I wonder if she doesn’t feel confident in her job so is looking up to you as a role model.

I’ve had my own sister do similar things but a mix of clothes and lifestyle choices. Over time it’s really impacted our relationship as I find myself distancing myself from her.

InterestedDad37 · 31/03/2026 05:24

It's no doubt frustrating and annoying, but at the root of it might be admiration, possibly.

WellThatsAlrightThen · 31/03/2026 05:07

I get what you mean, I’d feel a right numpty all matchy matchy!I honestly don’t know what you can do considering you’ve asked her to stop. Do you see her much outside of work? At work I’d probably start wearing whatever your generic work clothes are and if you see her outside work just plain top and jeans. Keep your preferred clothes for when you don’t see her. I know you shouldn’t have to change but if she won’t then you have to.

Outofmywindow · 31/03/2026 04:16

Organise your clothes into a work uniform. Don’t wear anything new or different to work. But really OP you should just tell her it’s not on. Id be telling colleagues about her odd ways. Might she be ill?

Bopabopstomp · 31/03/2026 04:01

You say you look like a couple of wallies, and she keeps giving you a look; could she be trying to show you what you look like to everyone else?

JMSA · 31/03/2026 03:35

That’s very frustrating for you. It’s like she lacks the confidence to carve out her own identity.
What I’m finding surprising is that she has started this pattern of behaviour relatively recently. She really hasn’t done anything like this in the past?

Delphiniumandlupins · 31/03/2026 02:49

I'd be tempted to buy something very unflattering, let her see you trying it on and 'planning' to wear it then return it when she's bought the same thing and actually worn it. Preferably something quite expensive. Or try to steer her in another direction and copy someone else? It sounds very annoying.

LlamaBasket · 31/03/2026 02:32

Bobbie12345678 · 31/03/2026 02:28

That is super weird and very annoying.
Sounds like you might need to work on getting some separation. You shouldn’t have to, but would you change your job?

I couldn’t change my job. It’s taken a long time to get to my position and leaving would mean a huge drop in pay. I have been in my job for 12 years. My sister is in the same place but not the same role and has only worked there the past 3 years.

OP posts:
Bobbie12345678 · 31/03/2026 02:28

That is super weird and very annoying.
Sounds like you might need to work on getting some separation. You shouldn’t have to, but would you change your job?

LlamaBasket · 31/03/2026 02:26

Sorry, I should say that my hobby is quite niche in the UK which makes the ‘style’ quite unusual and therefore the copying more obvious.

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