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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel frustrated over being copied.

87 replies

LlamaBasket · 31/03/2026 02:21

Feeling fed up. It’s not the biggest problem in the world, but it’s annoying. I’ve named changed for privacy and I’m going to change details to try to keep this as anonymous as possible.

I have a lifelong interest. Something that has really influenced me as a person. Let’s pretend that is motor cross. This interest influences how I dress, where I go, what I do at the weekend etc.

I have a sister (we are both in our thirties by the way) who has never showed any interest in my particular hobby. They’ve never even tried it. But, they seem to have suddenly decided they like my aesthetic and they have began to buy the same as me.

They are wandering around wearing the jacket or the shoes, very similar to mine, even talking the talk. It’s gotten quite strange, as though they’ve almost convinced themselves that this is ‘their thing’ as well. They talk as if they’ve been doing it for years - allowing people to believe this is ‘our hobby’. If I buy a special top, they buy it too. And when they look at me, dressed like my reflection, they are looking at me with this look that questions ‘is she buying this?’.

We work together for the same company and it’s getting embarrassing. I feel like I’m having my identity stolen, as dramatic as that sounds. I looked a bit different with my particular style, perhaps a tad eccentric and that was fine. Now we look like a pair of wally’s and I’m losing my own confidence.

I’ve asked her to stop. She seems to not feel like she’s doing anything, or she brushes it off, or changes the subject.

And the worst thing…if I started something new, she couldn’t cope and within weeks would copy that too. It’s a pattern.

AIBU? I’m not trying to gate keep a particular aesthetic, but I like being myself and in a way I almost feel mocked. Just to add, I don’t tell her what I have, I don’t show her what I’m going to buy. If she sees me in something on a Monday for example, by Friday she’s got herself something similar.

OP posts:
LlamaBasket · 31/03/2026 09:05

Bopabopstomp · 31/03/2026 04:01

You say you look like a couple of wallies, and she keeps giving you a look; could she be trying to show you what you look like to everyone else?

No. It’s like, if you saw someone wearing a shell suit you’d probably raise an eyebrow, but if they wore it with confidence and seemed to love it; you’d be ‘ok, good for you’. But if two siblings were wearing shell suits, it’s a lot harder to get on board with that.

I don’t wear shell suits btw.

OP posts:
LlamaBasket · 31/03/2026 09:02

JMSA · 31/03/2026 03:35

That’s very frustrating for you. It’s like she lacks the confidence to carve out her own identity.
What I’m finding surprising is that she has started this pattern of behaviour relatively recently. She really hasn’t done anything like this in the past?

She has done things like it before, but never this obvious. Mildly irritating previously, very full on this time.

OP posts:
Serene135 · 31/03/2026 08:58

I know you mentioned that you didn’t want to say but I’m so intrigued. Is it a style from the past like 50s clothes? I absolutely love the old style of dresses etc 💐

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 31/03/2026 08:40

This is beyond the pale...

What has she said about any of this...?

If people think its a joint hobby I'd be clear and correct them "its not and i find her behaviour odd tbh but what can you do... <tinkly laugh>" and I'd say it if she was there too

Avoid her at work...

Are your parents about?
I'd speak to them and say she's having some kind of life crisis...

In the meantime i'd become Steve jobs.
Jeans or black pants and black polos all day long at work.

Comtesse · 31/03/2026 08:01

TheGoldenOwl · 31/03/2026 07:24

Archery? I knew a few Archers who would have some Robin Hood esque quirks to their style

That would be amazing! I was thinking maybe ice hockey eg wearing team shirts (but not sure about the footwear - no one would wear skates to the office … would they?)

GoBackToBooks · 31/03/2026 07:55

@LlamaBasket this usually happens with teenage friends / friend group, you see them all walking around wearing pretty much the same, the ‘latest fashion’. One copying the other.

It’s usually a compliment to be copied (or so I tell my 14 yo) but by your thirties people do generally have their own sense of style. However, your sister likes your style, so it could actually be her style too, it’s just unfortunate that it isn’t based on the latest trend as it would just look normal for you both to be wearing it tbh.

If you think you look like a pair of wallies, then you probably do. Hence the embarrassment. Best have a re-think on the overall look as you may look like a wallie even without being copied.

TheBlueKoala · 31/03/2026 07:48

I would be worried about her mental health. Clearly she feels lost and is trying to form an identity copying you.
@LlamaBasket Can you tone down the hobby astethics at work? Unless your work actually is your hobby? Like if you're in hells angels you can just wear a black t-shirt and jeans which is very neutral.
Or tell her that people are making fun of her for copying you and propose to help her find a style that suits her.

MightyFlow · 31/03/2026 07:42

"they seem to have suddenly decided they like my aesthetic and they have began to buy the same as me."

"if I started something new, she couldn’t cope and within weeks would copy that too. It’s a pattern."

How long has this been going on? Is this new behaviour or has she done it before?

itsmeits · 31/03/2026 07:39

My sister split with her long time abusive BF.

That was her trigger to take over my life - she didn't have one anymore.

Yes it was upsetting to see her going though the break up. Didn't mean she needed to turn up to everything I did everywhere I went.
I feel you @LlamaBasket I did my hobby from 13 she joined at 33! now she's the expert!

I have walked away from that group of friends and let her have them. She was slowly turning people against me.

ClaredeBear · 31/03/2026 07:39

I totally agree with PP. It might be best to radically change what you wear to work, which might be difficult when you’ve worn the same style for so long, not to mention expensive but you could try charity shops for a few basics. I’d be interested to know how it goes down with her. If she asks you could tell her you’re bored with the look.

ClaredeBear · 31/03/2026 07:33

Bopabopstomp · 31/03/2026 04:01

You say you look like a couple of wallies, and she keeps giving you a look; could she be trying to show you what you look like to everyone else?

What a length to go to, just to be nasty! Sounds more like she admires the aesthetic to me.

TheGoldenOwl · 31/03/2026 07:29

Second the idea of wearing plain jeans and black tee shirt to work, limiting contact and being very "beige" in your interactions with her.

It is really sad but it makes you feel this awful, and she isnt receptive to stopping (assuming you have tried talking to her?) then options are:

a) lose your sister and just back away from her entirely, telling her why
b) put up with it

ETA - this might be a phase and you might end up sisterly again one day xx

SardinesOnButteredToast · 31/03/2026 07:25

Superbly annoying. I've had this a few times in a friend that decided to retrain not only to my career (not too uncommon) but to my exact specialty (extremely niche); a colleague who seemed to throw her entire wardrobe out to buy clothes in my (then) very distinctive style such that colleagues sniggered that we were 'twinning'; and a colleague who went out of their way to do every professional project (out of role) that I did (again, very usual projects for people in my role). My manager told me it's because I'm a trailblazer, but because I'd like to think of myself as individual, creative and 'thinking out of the box', I felt like each of those people took something from me.

It's clearly not illegal to hunt down similar (non high street) clothes, retrain, or carve a very unusual career path, and I don't own any of those choices, but each time I felt like people had traded on the thought, effort, and work I'd put in to develop myself or my career to just make a cheap Next-version rip off of an independent designer's work. (If you don't get the reference, Next have taken the work of at least four very small independent traders and mass copied them this year).

OP, I'm feeling your pain.

TheGoldenOwl · 31/03/2026 07:24

Archery? I knew a few Archers who would have some Robin Hood esque quirks to their style

CremeEggsForBreakfast · 31/03/2026 07:23

Bopabopstomp · 31/03/2026 04:01

You say you look like a couple of wallies, and she keeps giving you a look; could she be trying to show you what you look like to everyone else?

What a horrible comment!

I'm sure OP means she feels ridiculous because all of a sudden it looks like she and her sister are dressed to match. OP sounds very comfortable and confident in her appearance in general but of course it's going to feel childish and odd if everyone at work thinks you and your sister like to dress alike at all times.

And I think "the look" the sister is giving means "Does she believe what I'm saying and doing?" Not "Is she really going to buy that item?".

You've fundamentally misunderstood the OP, assumed the worst, and then insulted her. Ooft.

5128gap · 31/03/2026 07:22

Its possible she has become as genuinely enthused by the thing as you, wants to emerse herself and is looking at you as a veteran to role model how to.
However, if you are convinced this is about you, then there will be a reason that goes beyond admiration. You've been in her life forever, so it would be incredibly weird for her to decide to copy your life all of a sudden without a trigger. Has anything happened in her life or your relationship with her that could explain it? A reason for her to feel insecure, or to want to get at you?

Everlil · 31/03/2026 07:18

Stop wearing bowling shoes to work?

NooNakedJacuzziness · 31/03/2026 07:17

Is the hobby Morris dancing (please let it be Morris dancing)?

Appraisaling · 31/03/2026 07:15

Cheerleading outfit? And the ‘talk’ is chanting the uplifting phrases?

Appraisaling · 31/03/2026 07:15

All very odd. Next time when you wear a new outfit on Monday, could you say, ‘so will you be copying this by the end of the week?!’ And see what she says.

It sounds strange and irritating but there is nothing much you can do as she can wear what she wants.

I am so desperate to know this hobby 😳

moose62 · 31/03/2026 07:12

Have you spoken to her about it in a serious way and asked her why she feels the need to emulate everything you do?

Perhaps pretend to take up a completely wild hobby, just to see how far she will go or perhaps tone down what you wear to work for a while so there is nothing to copy?

You shouldn't have to change yourself to stop her copying you but it might be a last resort.

RodeoClown · 31/03/2026 07:06

I too would start wearing less hobby based clothing at work and almost create a uniform like @Outofmywindowsuggested.

It’s a strange thing for her to do and Imam not surprised you are taken aback.

newornotnew · 31/03/2026 06:52

Seems an unusual relationship all round, what with working together.

I agree with the suggestion to wear very plain clothes at work, and save your personal style for other times, and minimise contact.

Longwalkwithpup · 31/03/2026 06:48

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Longwalkwithpup · 31/03/2026 06:47

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