To think we need a "label' in addition to SEND?

Presumably their parents didn't choose their parents or upbringing either.

Don't know how labelling and judging helps anyone, other than making you feel better.

It's hard work being understanding and many people suddenly run out. Maybe that's where you are.

For staff room use only - PNAS (Parents Need A Slap) 😉

@SuzyFandango I think you have perpetrated one of the greatest, most damaging myths that many parents of children with SEND find themselves battling. "Mum is anxious," is an incredibly undermining observation, frequently made by professionals who ought to know better. In my role, we recognise that SEND in children and young people often makes it's first appearance in educational settings as 'anxiety'. This shouldn't be surprising; who wouldn't be anxious when they realise they're not longer keeping up with peers, or are struggling with things that others appear able to do with ease? And by the time parents are called in to discuss an issue, or by the time parents initiate contact with the education setting, very likely following a change of behaviour in their CYP, or a disclosure of worry and unhappiness at school, why are we surprised if a parent appears anxious too? It is the most natural thing in the world.

And FWIW, one of my DC developed significant anxiety at one point, despite me working with this stuff, developing resources and supporting families, and generally being a very relaxed, pragmatic person, who is absolutely not afraid to keep a firm hand on the tiller while also encouraging my child to take considered risks, in a pretty good balance. And seeing DC's distress as the wheels began to come off, despite our very best intentions, definitely made me feel a bit anxious too.

So where does one draw the line then? At some point you need to take accountability! If baby group/ crèche workers, nursery, health visitors and school are telling you the importance of reading then who is to blame?

this attitude is why human progress is slower than it could be.

Of course it makes a difference if people were brought up one way or another.

Honourable mention for the parents who have never read to or encourage reading with their children. Doesn’t matter if they weren’t read to themselves as children, we know better these days!

I think I'd add this idea to the fad for blaming all behavioural issues on "trauma". I'm not saying that trauma isn't a thing, but I had to correct a headteacher when she said that all behavioural issues were all due to adverse childhood experiences.

I have a relatively difficult child, but could be confident that she hadn't experienced anything that would be considered to be traumatic. She now has various SEND diagnoses, with the benefit of hindsight there were signs of very early on. Maybe being ND in a NT world has been a bit traumatic, but the SEND isn't the consequence, but the cause.

Why does this “issue” (ie neglect) have to be compared or referred to in terms of special educational and disability needs (SEND)? Children with SEND can’t help the fact that they are born with the conditions, nor can their parents.

So how would labelling the teenager “not raised properly” make any difference? Presumably in both cases you’d have said those arrangements aren’t possible. How would antagonising the parent by telling them their child is just poorly parented improve things?

I can completely understand the frustration around exam arrangements- but I don’t think your suggestion helps.

So how would a “feckless parent” label help in that situation? What would it give you that you don’t already have access to?

Ever heard of Google? (other search engines are available)

Such as ?

There are already mechanisms to access parenting support, how does labelling kids make that more available or accessible? And who’s going to sit down with parents and explain that school believe their parenting is actively harming their kids?

It's not just speech, a whole range of autism-like issues can be caused.

And no, it's not officially recognised (yet - I think it will need to be eventually, as cases rise) but there are lots of articles and studies about it. It seems to be discussed more in other countries.

The issues is these parents genuinely think they are doing the best possible thing for their child validating their every feeling, giving them every choice known to man, shielding them from any discomfort or challenge. Despite the outcome being clearly bad.

Its almost a gross distortion of neglect, a farcical reverse, the damage is done through caring excessively about your child's emotions to the point they are allowed to rule over everything.

This generation of parents are spectacularly failing their kids. There are so many more kids suffering compared to previous, but people don’t want to see, recognise or acknowledge it. And parents refuse to take any responsibility for it. It’s always something or someone else to blame. It’s very sad to see.

What would the new label actually do for kids?

It could open up some different therapies & interventions via school where parents are not managing.

Not providing your child with a toothbrush or dental care is just called neglect, it already exists as a concept - I don’t think any more “labels” are helpful.

I’d add I was one of those parents with a child who was in nappies until 4, ate a terrible diet, still had baby bottles at 5, had rampant anxiety, didn’t go to bed until late etc etc etc. He wasn’t immediately obviously autistic and he wasn’t actually diagnosed as autistic until mid primary school though, so exactly what “label” would you put on him? I had the privilege of being an educated, articulate, middle class, white, non-disabled, English as first language, financially comfortable, happily married, SAH parent with an ability to navigate the system - so to my knowledge nobody ever questioned whether my child’s problems or behaviour was my fault. I am aware of multiple children at the same school with much less privileged backgrounds whose parents were under the microscope when it turned out actually there were very significant SEND. I don’t think your suggestion would have improved matters for those children.

My same point still stands. If you're blaming parenting when they actually have SEND, the support won't be the right support.

The anxiety epidemic is a massive issue (often a huge factor in ebsa) and parenting plays a huge part.

Children feel safe knowing mummy & daddy are in charge. Mummy and daddy have responsibility for the big choices.

Children need mummy & daddy to reassure them confidently that the monster under the bed is just their imagination, not to spray the room with stuff "to keep it away".

Children don't really want to be in control! Its terrifying! They want mummy and daddy to be in control.

All these kids with anxiety have had their every crazy toddler feeling validated, have been given so much control over their choices that it's like a passenger being handed the joystick on a plane, of course they are anxious.

At the same time there are people who don't let a sensible 9 year old walk 3 mins to a corner shop or call on a friend who lives down the road.

Children need small risks and age appropriate independence but they need us to be securely in control.

People need to recognise their own parenting is contributing to their kids anxiety.