To think regular breaks is one of the positives?

In theory yes, I like getting a break from my kids, however I have to spend time away from my kid when I don’t want to, special occasions, week long holidays etc. it’s hard. And yes I know not ever having a break is hard too, for entirely different reason.

Completely agree, as a completely lone parent (with zero support from anyone else at all) I haven’t had a day just for me in many years. It’s absolutely relentless and as a consequence there’s very little of “me” left. I truly envy the people who have some sort of child free time and those I know of make the most of their child-free time. I suspect a break would make me a much better mum too. I also don’t think that anyone who isn’t a totally lone parent can really comprehend how relentless it is (I’d have been the same, I’m not judging) so don’t think they’d feel that way/don't feel this way.

My sister has 5050 ish with ex, and her life is incredible. She has hobbies, creative pursuits, downtime, career development and lovers out the wazoo. But I guess that's because her ex adores his children and they're as happy with him as her?

I am not a single parent and I love breaks from my kids. I go on holiday without them at least once a year and I have since they were each about 15 months. We don’t have any family help, but obviously I do have Dh, so I leave them home with them and off I go fairly regularly. I have a number of single parent friends and none of them has ever said they wouldn’t want time away from their children.

Realistically though, I imagine if it isn’t an option for you, it’s probably a lot easier to tell everyone how much you’d hate to be away from your dc than to admit how much you’re struggling and maybe how envious you are that others get a break. For example, I had a friend who really struggled with her mental health due to sleep deprivation and breastfeeding until her dc was probably 3/4. She constantly went on about how horrible it was that other mums didn’t breastfeed as long as she did and how selfish it was…while literally on her knees from being up every 2 hours feeding a toddler. I think it was her way of expressing how hard she was finding it all.

I have genuine 50-50 with my ex, something we both wanted for our children, and I do enjoy the time to myself. It means I focus on work when the kids are with him so I’m more present when they’re with me. It also means I get more of a life. He is a good day though so I don’t have to worry about them being with him.

It depends if the father is a competent and caring parent. DC’s dad fought for access because it was his right and maintained contact for a couple of years but the dc hated going and missed out on loads whilst sitting in a bedroom at their dads in non ideal conditions . I hated that time and was glad when they voted with their feet and I have them again full time like I did for many years previous. I’m sure if they had a loving and engaged father to send them off to where they had nice experiences I’d have sent them with pleasure!