To not want my partner to be an anonymous sperm donor?

Can’t believe he has so little thought about any resulting children, just thinking about the ‘non existent’ money

He’s not in this for the expenses money. It’s way deeper than that, so I’d be worried he’d do it behind your back to get his kicks.

You want to raise a kid with him with that suspicion every day?

@BamBamPadam get out of this relationship now. If he's not going to consider your feelings on this and flippently do it regardless. That is a huge red flag.

I’d feel so embarrassed to be in a relationship with someone as truly stupid as this one

Fuck me. You’re not being unreasonable and you’re not being too sensitive.

As an aside, he’s an arse for many reasons, his friendship circle included, but wanking off to collect £50 whilst passing Go is just morally rank. It’s a whole human life ffs.

Ask him how he feels about any future offspring potentially being abused. I think that's something he should be considering. We all have a duty to safeguard children.

Men get about £35 in this country, it’s expenses, not payment. There is extensive testing so lots of blood tests and counselling. It’s not just a wank he gets paid for. Him saying he wouldn’t let a kid inherit anything shows he’s hasn’t got a clue what he’s on about anyway. Sperm donors have no legal rights as a parent and any donor conceived children have no right to any assets like that.

He would look at the OP blankly not understanding the words coming out of her mouth… “plasma?”

I’d hate the idea of this too!

The thought of someone like your partner having even more children than the one on the way makes me feel ill!

But you are paid nothing, not even expenses.

I bet this chap is such a wally in real life.

I would feel exactly the same and if he went ahead with it it would be a dealbreaker for me.

He probably thought they would pay millions for his wonderful swimmers 😂😂

He’s done sweet FA research in to it by the look of it. Not even the most basic research about anonymity.

Not the brightest spark is he @BamBamPadam ?
He should be limiting procreation not increasing.

Is he really wanting to do it for the money?
I’m sure there are other ways of making money.

A year ago I looked seriously into IVF as a single woman turning 40. However, I did a lot of soul searching around the sperm donors, and just couldn't get comfortable with it. The ethics are a minefield, and it's not to be undertaken lightly at all.

It's not just the 'weirdness' of it all. It's the huge risk to all relevant relationships and everyone's wellbeing down the line if/when a (maybe young) adult gets in touch with their donor dad. Children with an unknown parent can struggle with their sense of identity, knowing themselves and where they come from (similar to adopted kids, of which I have family experience). They may or may not want a deep relationship with the donor father, but whatever relationship they might want, it's going to be a bloody big deal for them, and is heavily loaded with potential for enormous fall-out with a mismatch in what people expect and hope for. And that causes problems for both sides. The donor can't just say they'll be like the 'fun uncle' or 'happy to meet once a year' - you just have no idea what it will be like or what the kid has been through. It might be great. But you just don't know, at all.

Adoption story reunions are often told in redemptive arcs, and it sounds like your partner is envisaging happy outcomes like that, but that is not my experience. Who knows what further elements of law might change in the future, what rights his kids might have?

I couldn't square it. I don't blame you being uncomfortable.

Out of interest, why don't you agree with sperm donation?

Oh op. I understand completely and this would be an absolute deal breaker for me. If it would be for you also you need to be really clear about this to him. I would be devastated.

The fact that he waited until you were trapped by pregnancy to bring this back up would make me think that this wasn’t just about making more money. Especially given the lack of research. I’d be more inclined to believe that this is something more sinister going on and he’s one of those guys that gets off on the thought of lots of offspring.

I think this is wrong on so many levels. As others have said, he doesn't get paid, just expenses.

I have one DD through sperm donation and another on the way; I have spent more time than most looking at sperm donors' profiles. Reputable UK sperm banks have people who include a good amount of info about themselves. Typically you get people writing something like 'My wife and I were struggling to conceive so we hope this helps your family' or 'Family is really important to me and I've thought hard about this' or whatever (and then, usually, tons of detail around that). Yes, there's the odd person who you do wonder about as they don't seem terribly invested.

But quite obviously, the vast majority of them have been told that they will be contactable by any potential children in years to come, and they've thought hard about how to communicate how they feel about that.

My DD's sperm donor wrote us a really lovely message that made me feel he was a thoroughly decent guy. It mentions his family and how they came to the decision.

I really can't see your partner getting through a screeing process TBH. I think a clinic would very quickly suss that he had no idea what he was doing. And if he did get through, who on earth would choose donor sperm from someone who seems only to want the money?

He sounds like a character from Men Behaving Badly 🤭 I'm sorry but I couldn't take him seriously at all. He sounds like an idiot.

It doesn’t really matter in the UK if you’re doing it through official channels anyway because all donor conceived children are entitled to access their donors identifying information when they reach 18 should they want it.

From memory I think he got something like £600 but he had to go about 10 times to the clinic and there were a bunch of tests to do on him and the samples - most men apparently don't pass these. Although he was over 40 at the time and his father had had cancer (not at a young age though), which wasn't an issue unlike for a pp. They also had to be satisfied as to his motivations which in his case were altruistic.

So it's not a very easy or lucrative thing to do! I don't mind at all the idea of another woman/family out there using his DNA but totally understand why others would mind. And I'd be incredibly disappointed if he had contemplated going ahead if I had doubts.

Wow that’s so weird!! Anonymous was weird enough but wtf! I’d have to split with someone wanting to do this.