To not want my partner to be an anonymous sperm donor?

Donors in the UK have no legal or financial obligations to children born from their donation. They are not named on the birth certificate and have no parental rights. But, when the child reaches 18 it will have the right to get details of who the donor was. This includes name and address which, of course, could be out of date by then.

Maybe when your baby arrives he will appreciate what huge thing it is to help create a whole new person and realise donating needs to be taken a lot more seriously.

There’s a major ethical issue - a man can donate to ten women. More than one woman is too much. There’s a risk that your child could end up dating a half sibling. Egg donation is an ethical minefield too as poor young women think of the money and not the issues the treatment can do to their bodies.

This is off the scale UNREASONABLE! You are NOT being hormonal. Your partner is either extremely immature, completely irresponsible, borderline freaky or a combination of all three. For me - this would be a deal breaker in a relationship. Easy for me to say, but I appreciate much more difficult for you in your position. Do NOT doubt yourself. Make it plain that if he reserves the right to ignore your feelings, you reserve the right to reconsider the value of your relationship with him. Seriously. Be strong.

"...multiple people on this thread who have said they have benefited from donors."

That sounds like a fantasy!

The op's man obviously has a huge fantasy, it's gross. The very idea of fathering innocent human beings with whom you will never have any contact is quite disgusting. I know it used to be popular amongst students at one time, they considered it an easy way of making money but they were young and thoughtless. I wonder if now they think about children they may have fathered and regret it. I feel the same about women donating eggs.

Yeah…this is weird. He likes the idea of other women being inseminated by him and I agree about it sounding like some sort of power trip.

I would put my foot down pretty firmly about this. Tell him in no uncertain terms that if he goes ahead or brings it up again, it’s over.

Clearly we have a different viewpoint to you, which is fine. There are multiple people on this thread who have said they have benefited from donors.

Clearly there are no guarantees the kids resulting will lead happy lives, but there are no guarantees on that for anyone. Both my parents lost a parent very young. These kids will certainly have been wanted by those families who have them. They will have my husband's DNA but he will not be their father.

And yeah, for him it's altruism not some weird breeding fetish or desire to populate the world with his supersperm. He's someone that has always loved and appreciated children even before we had our own, who really likes to help others, and who found out there was a big shortage of donors since it's no longer anonymous and a lot of men aren't suitable for various reasons.

Clearly the motivations of the OP's partner appear quite different.

I wasn't referring to the OPs concerns, which are entirely valid but to those of JonnysMama whose making some rather wild claims upthread.

Even if it was 1 family it doesn’t really make a difference. It’s intentionally outside of a committed relationship with ONE woman. It is disrespectful if he does or even thinking about it. It’s WRONG. You should call things by its name.

I doubt 'hundreds' would but that isn't the OPs concern. With 'private arrangements' he effectively become a one night stand dad from a legal point of view which would concern me more than worrying about 100s of children.

Yeah sure, "hundreds" of British women are going to pay him hundreds of pounds for his amazing spunk.

There’s actually an acute shortage of donors at the moment

That's assuming he is planning on going through legal, regulated UK clinics. If he is expecting to get paid several hundred pounds then he either very ill informed, planning on travelling over seas to donate where the same regulation may not apply or donating via 'private arrangements' which are obviously unregulated.

@Grammarninja countless? Tell me, how many children can a sperm donor in the UK conceive via donation?

This was exactly my thoughts too.

@JohnnysMama well you don’t need to upset yourself with this thought any more, because it’s pure fiction. Donated sperm can only be used to conceive for a maximum of 10 families. This is to minimise the risk of consanguineous couplings. Google is readily available to find out this information.

If you think it’s impossible for a sperm donor to never think of himself as a father of some kind to unknown kids out in the world, or for a kid to never associate their donor with a missing father figure, I think you’re the one without much insight possibly?
Thx very much for the condescension x

This was my feeling - so gross, some men get a kick out of the thought of lots of women pregnant and self admiring how virile the are.
it would be an absolute deal breaker for me too op - yuck!

I'd leave a man over this. He's talking about producing countless half siblings for your child like it's completely his decision and not a big deal! I'm hoping, for your sake, that once he meets your child he'll realise the enormity of what he's suggesting.

Totally understand your concerns OP, I’d feel the same way. But this falls into the “his body, his choice” category, the same as it’s a woman’s choice over what she decides to do with a pregnancy going forward, if you get my drift.
Different things, same principles. You, as the woman, can only voice your opinion but it’s ultimately up to him (the same way a man can voice his opinion at the early stage of pregnancy, but it’s up to the woman to make the final decision)

Then I agree with a PP that there is so much they could do to help children and families that already exist. Why does everything always come down to creating new life? And then doing absolutely nothing to support that life once it's created in this case!

I would be taking this all quite seriously and speaking to your parents or a friend so that someone knows there are some points of concern in your relationship. 🚩 red flags:

1. He has raised it before but despite knowing your feelings has raised it again now - while you are PREGNANT YOURSELF.
2. He has done no research and has not thought this important decision through at all
3. Like others I am extremely suspicious of this mate who spends several months a year in Thailand enjoying a bachelor life and would be worried about my own child in that context.

im sorry OP, i hope Im wrong, but please think through and make sure you take care of yourself and your baby first and foremost.

I’m so sorry this would be a deal breaker for me.

This would be a dealbreaker for me. The fact he is considering it when you’re opposed is worrying.

It’s called ✨altruism✨ sweetheart