Why Is the Woman Always the Villain? The Strange Logic of Blaming the ‘Other Woman

Most people in RL are aware of nuance - apparently not on MN though, everything is so simple

No it wasn’t me. But I get it completely. I saw the devastation caused and the fact that the people still can’t see an issue is slightly surprising

I don't really care. Two wrongs don't make a right.
Nobody gives the other woman a chocolate watch. Ever.
If the revenge seeker wants sympathy, she ain't going to get it. And rightly so.

She ruined the woman’s life. But thanks for proving my point - people don’t accept that, in a situation like this, the wife’s actions mean they don’t deserve anything better

Totally agree.

You criticise my choice of words yet you somehow want me to agree that a woman who has sex with her friend's husband out of revenge is somehow noble?! And that the wife deserved it cause she said some nasty things ?
Good grief.

Lol.

I actually dont think that screwing someone else's husband is a good way to 'get back' at someone no. Your example is weirdly specific. If someone else did that to you, you have it out with them, dont lower yourself to shitty behaviour. Cheating is not a tactic in war. Unless you're about 14 maybe.

The girl I referred to, knew the wife and the husband and felt sorry for the husband because the wife was so awful.
They used to socialise together and the wife always made a show of herself by getting drunk.

‘Woman of low sexual boundaries’. Bloody hell the 1950s phoned - they want their moral judgement back

So you can’t even see that some people do deserve the shit that is thrown at them?

AGAIN I was talking about the OW being someone who knows the wife personally and perhaps has a good reason to do it 🙈

"If the wife is so awful, why not just leave?"

I knew a girl who had an affair with a married guy. He was a businessman. He wouldn't leave his alcoholic wife because he said "If I leave she'll take half my business".
So he stayed and she drank the business away.
He turned up at the girl's door with a suitcase when he was bankrupt. The dippy girl took him in and kept him until he died.
If he'd left when he had the chance he would have had at least some assets.

You can't fix stupid 🙄

I don't know, don't care. The people in your scenario sound like low lives.

The only thing I know is that if a man cheats he:
Shouldn't do it on his own doorstep.

He should make damned sure his wife never finds out about it.

He should not embarrass his wife so that their social circle finds out. Leaving her no option but to take action.

He should use contraception.

He should not be such a pathetic wimp to upset his wife by confessing to relieve his 'conscience.'

He should own his infidelity and keep it well apart from his marriage.

He should be emotionally mature enough to know that his wife and family have a million times more worth than getting his dick wet and enough experience with women that he doesn't fall in lurve cause another woman touched him.

He should know what goes on tour stays on tour.

Trouble is that most men are such losers who don't venture into the next town for months on end that the only women they can cheat with is the pub, er, woman of low sexual boundaries.

"Male fertility does decline with age, but nowhere near as sharply as female fertility" OK now I know that you don't actually know the science on this as well as you think you do @ValidPistachio

So the newest evidence is showing that the age of a man actually matters MORE for the health of children than the age of women, as eggs don't degrade at the same rate as sperm, and aren't continuously produced in the same way.

Research NEVER USED TO TRACK the age of men when assessing fertility, only the age of the mother. They've looked back at studies retrospectively and found that an older women, with a young man, basically has barely any increased fertility risks. However, if a man is over 40 a woman is three times more likely to miscarry her baby due to issues with sperm quality.

So there's a huge biological advantage for women seeking to have babies with young men - even more so than there is for men having a preference for younger women. There's just sexism in the research/ways studies were historically conducted that makes people think it's the other way round (NB. Men were the ones designing these historic studies! Unsurprisingly...)

What about
WIFE 33.33
HUSBAND 33.33
OW 33.33

Contrary to popular belief women who are cheated on aren’t all perfect.

I have an example - Woman A (wife) is friends with woman B (future OW). As far as Woman B is concerned, good friendship, she confides in Woman A about a lot of private stuff. Woman A then deliberately shares the info with the wrong people knowing it will cause huge problems for Woman B.

Woman B fucks Woman A’s husband in retaliation.

is Woman A really blameless??

Well marriages are complicated, however, if we are going to go down the 'who's the bigger cunt in this situation?' route:

HUSBAND: 2/3 cunt.

OTHER WOMAN: 1/3 cunt.

So as you can see, while the husband holds double the amount of cuntery then the other woman-and is therefore more worthy of scorn-the other woman is also a cunt but less so.

Hope this helps, OP.
Or do you think the other woman gets a fucking chocolate watch?
Nobody likes a woman who has sex with a man whose wife had just given birth.
She is - rightfully-shown scorn for it.

And nobody but nobody agrees with this faux innocent, mealy-mouthed nonsense about, 'I didn't make the vows' in real life.
Only the Other Woman's dopey friends say they do. But they don't really.

Or do you think the wife never deserves it?

FFS I mean if the OW already knows the wife and know she is a bad person (and esp if they wife has done something to her directly) then it’s fair game.

The wife is always painted as the saint who had no idea. In reality things are generally more complex than they look

If the husband or wife is a bad person then their spouse can leave not cheat

cheating on a bad person just makes all parties bad people

Why does nobody acknowledge that, just as the husband and OW can be bad people, then so can the wife?

I know people who have been cheated on who frankly deserved it

Both are terrible people. The husband is more “at fault” as he’s the one lying and breaking vows but that doesn’t mean the OW isn’t to blame at all as she knows she’s hurting someone with her actions.

You wouldn’t be ok with someone going up and telling an overweight person they were fat and being unkind to them about their looks (random example) just because they were a stranger. People should not directly do things knowingly which will massively hurt others.

I disagree. I'm afraid I've known more than.one woman who, as a pp on here stated, saw no problem with chasing after a married man quite deliberately...either just for a bit of what she saw as harmless fun and in another a really very deliberate attempt to essentially move herself into the wife's position.

In no way am I excusing the men or women who cheat. Of course they have agency..but all of us are susceptible to flattery, flirting, especially if you're in the trenches at home with young kids and work and childcare and doing the tired Olympics with your spouse and bickering about bins and the mental load. If you have someone who reminds you you aren't just mummy or daddy and represents a carefree, easy life and is quite deliberately doing that, I think its a bit disingenuous to absolve them of any responsibility.

I'm get the original point of the op, that women are often demonised, but I sometimes think the needle has swung too far the other way now and we dont want ANY negativity attached to women. All people, regardless of sex can be manipulative and manipulated.

You misunderstand me. A poster was talking about when it is a friend or sister who is the OW.

And the friend or sister knows first hand that the wife isn’t a good person. Because just because someone is married, they can still be a bit of a cunt!

I am not talking about bullshit spouted about the wife by the husband or whatever.

And how do you establish that? If the ow is going off what the man is telling her then obviously she's going to think its not a problem. How many women do we see on here complaining that their partners ex and mother of his children is a bitter, crazy, headcase? How many women say their ex represents them as that but its far from the truth? And actually, I don't think it does mean its 'fair game'. If the wife is so awful, why not just leave?

It's hardly an urban myth, I've known a couple of women like that over the years. I think it's generally accepted that Claudia Lawrence had a penchant for married men, which may have been a factor in her disappearance.

Sounds like an urban myth designed again to make the woman the villain and the poor man just another helpless victim. Even if a woman tried to instigate something with a married man I'm sure he's capable of saying no.