Why Is the Woman Always the Villain? The Strange Logic of Blaming the ‘Other Woman

its not up to the other woman to control him.

So you think it’s ok to shag a married man becuase if you didn’t someone else will?

as a pp has said, do you think it’s ok to be a dick to someone just because you don’t know them? And if not, what makes this different?

someone leaves their handbag lying around unattended. Is it ok to steal it because if you don’t, someone else will?

Anyone that cheats, man or woman, is scum. There is absolutely no need to be such a disgusting piece of shit. If you want to fuck someone else then end it with your current partner first. It’s not a difficult concept to grasp. If you don’t you are morally reprehensible. I would never knowingly associate or support anyone who chooses to cheat. It disgusts me. If any of you are an OW you are disgusting and should be ashamed of yourself.

That's not true, in that i highlighted they should just leave first, which you ended your comment saying. Idk why so many people find it hard to leave a relationship if its so damn miserable. I had someone tell me, they stay to keep a stable home for the kids and then cheat when something better comes along to check if it suits them first. Couldn't believe my eyes tbh. If youre in a miserable relationship, the kids will know, the home isnt really stable, especially not when they start an affair. Leave, be happy. No need to start an affair and destroy literally everybody's life involved.

But what has the wife done to the ow? Your logic doesn't work for this context to support the ops view.

It’s not always true that the cheating party continues cheating when they have left. I know of several couples who got together in less than ideal circumstances but 30/40 years later, they are great.

People like to think the relationship would be doomed because it makes them feel better but it’s not always the case

'Nobody is disputing that if a man cheats on his wife he’s at fault. But if the other woman knows he’s married, then she’s complicit. How is that so difficult to comprehend?'

It isn't rocket science is it.

I feel sorry for the other men/other women who believe the guff the married people tell them. Seriously if someone is lying and sneaking about they are not nice people.

We've been conditioned to see women as temptresses and/or morally inferior to men in general, going back as far as Eve and Pandora's jar and probably way beyond then. Men have always been cast as hapless victims who can't say no to a vixen.

I don't have any time for women that intentionally get involved with married men, but ultimately, the person straying is the person the injured party should hold accountable.

My point is, it shouldn't be down to people saying no.

It should be down to the person in a relationship, NOT trying to cheat with someone else.

They are the person with the responsibility.

You are free to do whatever you want. You chose not to go after him, that’s your prerogative .

You don’t ‘owe’ her anything, you chose not to go after him and that’s fine. Others may have made a different decision.

I have a relative who has wasted the last 15 years of her life being some douche bag’s “bit on the side”. 15 years he has strung her along, promising to leave his wife etc etc. Him and his wife have had babies in that time, holidays, house moves etc.

My sister feels sorry for our relative. I don’t. I think she’s a complete loser. He’s an animal, he’s worse than she is, but I don’t feel sorry for her, no.

I am quite baffled by that and my last relationship ship ended because of cheating. Not once did I feel anything negative towards the woman. If anything, I feel a bit sorry for her because 1. I believe she knew nothing about my existence and 2. She will end up in the same situation down the line, if not already.
The responsibility is squarely on my ex here.

I witnessed a situation where a woman went after her own friend's husband. The OW was single; he was married to her friend. The OW took a massive shine to him and DID actively pursue him. Relentlessly. Eventually, after one drunken party, they shagged.

Sure, the man takes the bigger share of blame. He was married, he had a family, the OW didn't physically force him, didn't force him to drink, and didn't rape him. All that's true. And she was single; she didn't cheat on anyone herself. So what does that make her? The family broke down, wife left with two small kids.

The OW is a bitch in this scenario. I don't care if she was single; it's not a question of the (non-existent) 'sisterhood'. You don't knowingly go after married people. Or you're a bitch/dick in my book.

The only exception is when the OW/OM were duped and didn't know the other party was married.

No, but in that case, people are either doomed to a life in a relationship which isn’t good or they leave anyway.

I'm saying you'd expect to see a lot more women cheating than men if the other person is the driver. Because more men approach married women than women approach married men.

Bit different if the OW is totally unaware that she is in fact the OW. Then, yeah, it’s all on the guy. Otherwise, they are both scum. The guy obviously, and any woman that learns he is married/with someone and chooses to carry on with it…..both total scum.

I assume here you’re shagging a married man then OP?

All this talk that people spout on here about “the OW doesn’t owe his wife anything. She’s not the one who made the vows” is just bollocks to justify women sleeping with married men.

Nobody is disputing that if a man cheats on his wife he’s at fault. But if the other woman knows he’s married, then she’s complicit. How is that so difficult to comprehend?

And the argument that “if it hadn’t been her it would be someone else” is irrelevant. It wasn’t someone else. It was her. and by sleeping with him she became a part of it.

By your assumption that OW owe nobody anything you’re essentially saying that it’s perfectly ok to go after married men, and by doing so you bear no guilt.

I’ve recently been there. I developed feelings for a married man. It’s part of the reason why I ended my most recent relationship. Not because I wished to pursue him, but because it made me realise that by developing feelings for someone else there was clearly something fundamental missing in my relationship.

Do you think I would have been justified in pursuing him? And that if he’d responded he and he alone would have been to blame for destroying his marriage?

And what if he turned me down? Would I be a poor victim because I’d been turned down by the man I wanted and he would be considered a decent one?

For what it’s worth I haven’t pursued him and have absolutely no intentions of doing so. Ever.

And for the record he’s never given me reason to think he would be interested in me anyway.

But whereas if he would be the one cheating on his wife, do you think that any woman should want to aspire to be the one stepping into her house? Building relationships with her children? You think that’s all innocent? Really?

Absolutely, i used men in my example but it applies to women too, btw. That being said, it takes two to tango. If everyone said no, it wouldnt happen.

Absolutely, i used men in my example but it applies to women too. That being said, it takes two to tango. If everyone said no, it wouldnt happen.

And so many people blindly believe them…

It is nothing to do with them being a woman. Women also cheat. OM exist. My ex was the OM (the OW left her partner for him).

Oh yes I agree women cheat as much as men?

Okay what about the second part? What if someone is a dick to you? Things are rarely black and white.

And yes that’s why I say that as long as it’s within the law, everyone can (and does) follow their conscience.

I owe nothing to strangers. I am not deliberately a dick to someone who hasn’t been one to me but once they are, all bets are off

If no woman said yes to starting a relationship with a man they know is not single, it wouldnt happen.

If no man started a relationship with a woman when he isn't single, it wouldn't happen either...

Yeah right, read the relationships board for some insight. So many married people have their spouses declaring undying love when caught cheating.

For every 'desperate giggler' there would be half a dozen men happy to shag a married woman though. So if the third party is such a driving force, you'd expect to see far greater numbers of bored married women cheating than men.