Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at my partner inviting family to stay without telling me?

34 replies

FancyBiscuit · 30/03/2026 15:57

I found out that (through hearing his side of a phonecall to his sister) that my partner invited his sister, BIL and their 3 y/o stay (one night and 2ish days) with us in a few weeks time. Apparently the plan is for them to have our (partner used the word 'my' on the phone) bedroom rather than spare room because it's bigger.

I'm due to be away on a work trip that weekend so probably won't be there anyway. He arranged this weeks ago but apparently forgot to tell me. When I queried the plan he apologised for not telling me before but quickly moved on.

Very happy to be told AIBU but a few hours later it's still really bugging me. Id be totally happy for them to come but would have really liked to be informed, or ideally asked. Partner lived at flat alone before I moved in just over a year ago and it often still feels like 'his' home rather than ours. Would this bother other people too or do I just need to let it go?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 30/03/2026 16:11

I'd double up on the mattress protector. I don't like anyone else sleeping in my bed, but if it was his bed, before our bed and in the case of close family, I'd let it go.

purplecorkheart · 30/03/2026 16:10

I do think though you need to have a chat about how it is now both your home and not just his.

purplecorkheart · 30/03/2026 16:09

I would not mind them staying but not in my bedroom. I would not want a three year old handling my things. I would tell him that they are welcome to stay but in the guest room. I would also tell him that he is responsible for child-proofing the place.

Original poster
FancyBiscuit · 30/03/2026 16:08

Thanks for everyone's thoughts. I completely agree I think it's something about them sleeping in our bed that feels especially unsettling - although in fairness partner is usually really tidy and I'm sure will sort bedding etc. he won't expect me to do anything to do anything although I guess I'll have to tidy my side of the room/bedside table

OP posts:
Gowlett · 30/03/2026 16:05

Wouldn’t mind them staying but I’d like to be asked or informed. Because I’d want to have the house ready, clean. And I’d hace to factor in time for that, as I assume he’s not gonna do it… Will he be getting in extra food etc?

BollyMolly · 30/03/2026 16:03

You’re not going to be there, so YABU for expecting him to ask you if he can have visitors. I
wouldn’t want people sleeping in my bed or in my bedroom though, so I think you have the right to insist on the spare bedroom.

mindutopia · 30/03/2026 16:03

I think it’s mostly okay to invite people to stay when you won’t be around as long as he really is the sort who will tidy up after them, do the hoovering, strip the beds and do the washing and put the linens away.

But it’s not okay to invite people to sleep in your bed without your consent. That’s a private space. No one sleeps in my bed. We have a spare room for that. Or we have the floor. Or anyone is welcome to sleep in their car in the drive. We have literally had guests in camper vans sleeping outside. But my bed is my bed. I don’t let people sleep in it and it’s not something he should offer up without enthusiastic agreement from both of you.

Ponderingwindow · 30/03/2026 16:02

I wouldn’t be ok with this at all. I know I am extreme on houseguests because of autism and medical conditions, but this would be upsetting.

Arrowthroughtheknee · 30/03/2026 15:59

I wouldn't mind if I wasn't going to be there