Was my request reasonable or was he right to storm off?

I think you've got the best solution. 👏

Oops..sorry. Didn't mean you :)

Nobody likes being told what to do. He probably felt a bit embarrassed.
Not sure what the answer here is - clearly you don’t want your child contaminated/made ill. Hopefully your husband will be more thoughtful next time.
Maybe try “I’m sorry I made you cross but I felt it was important.” What else can you say.

You're a control freak.
Don't tell another adult what to do. The end.

Your husband is a grown man - you are his wife - not his mother. Stop telling him what to do. If you’re that concerned about illness bring hand sanitiser and hand wipes - and offer them.

It’s very short sighted of you to worry about raw bacon - but not the bacteria in the sea water or on the crabs you and your child will be handling.

You mean your more worried about your DD licking your DH's hand than your DD touching a fishing net that has been water with in raw sewage?

Not sure why you would take a 3 year old crabbing if you are so worried about hands going in her mouth! Makes little sense tbf. Do you not wonder where her hands are going and what she is touching the rest of the time? Im pretty sure from my time working in playschools we didnt wash hands after every activity. We'd never get time to play with them if we tried that.

He is not a child i would have acted like him if my husband did this to me

Voice of reason

Why can’t you clarify how many times you would expect someone to wash their hands while doing a dirty job (including handling raw bacon}?

If it’s easier, imagine it was raw chicken.

It’s not “mean” to ask a question. Postong GIFs and accusing people of being ‘mean” does tend to undermine your point.

if he washed his hands afterwards as I was worried dd would put her hands in her mouth

I think this is why he might have got miffed. Your request makes no sense.

Did you ask him to take her to wash her hands?

It’s not like touching raw chicken, though.

Imaginary how?

None of us know the truth. She might be micromanaging him and he's had enough of being treated like that.

OP was wrong to ask him to wash his hands. His behaviour afterwards was also, in the snapshot given, wrong. But if it's the 20th wrong request that day, no wonder he's had a reaction.

@Hoolieghoul surely the hygiene issue is relevant here otherwise OP wouldn’t have requested he washed his hands.

Obviously storming off isn’t good

But I wonder if OP has a history of criticising his parenting, she says she spends more time with DD during the week. You do see it quite often when mum might criticise dad for doing something differently as she has a particular way/routine. But different isn’t always wrong. I had to learn to bite my tongue a few times when DC were young and I either was SAHM or worked PT so spent much more time with them than DH, and he went to do something in a different way.

It would be useful if OP could give other examples of both their behaviours so some of us could stop fixating on the hygiene of crabbing!

Becauae we know that anyone comfortable with a) asking and then b) feeling put out when she isnt obeyed must do this habitually. We have all met this woman. We have met her hen pecked husband.

See, what you've done here is invent an imaginary scenario and used that to justify OP's husband treating her like shit.

Flip this round, if you're fed up with being asked to do seemingly ridiculous things and have just had enough. What if this was the 20th time that day the mum had made a "request". Any sane person would be pissed off.

No, just experienced a lot of people in my time and have heard and seen their story.

If you had been my partner, I too would have stormed off to the pub. And stayed there. Unless your partner is putting his fingers n his mouth or into the 3 year old's mouth- handwashing can wait until the end.
FGS just take some wipes with you. Just dont throw them in the estuary when you are finished

You are very clearly bringing your own relationship issues to this thread.

The what ifs are irrelevant here. OP isn't actually asking about the hygiene aspect of this. She's asking whether it was unreasonable for her to make a request of her husband, and whether it was unreasonable for him to call her names and storm off in response. And even though name calling and storming off are shitty behaviours from a needlessly aggressive man who is training his wife never to challenge him for fear of reprisal (because OP has confirmed this is a pattern), posters on this site are falling over themselves to defend the husband and tell OP how wrong she was to ask him to do something.

Whether you think you should wash your hands after touching raw meat is irrelevant. What matters is do you think it's ok to be unkind and disrespectful to your spouse when they ask you to do something?

@Hoolieghoul I’d have said the same if dad had told mum to wash her hands for the same activity. Crabbing is not a sterile activity. What would happen if there had not been a convenient pub nearby (and one that didn’t mind you using their facilities when you hadn’t bought anything there)?

No just stop trying to dominate every activity by being the authoritarian. It's as simple as that. Mostly when people do that it's pure jealousy and competition that drives them to try and infantilise their partner and disrupt the connection between the child and their other parent. It's to show the child that I let you have this time with Daddy/Mummy, and I can stop.it any time.

Mumsnet is so bloody misogynistic. Posters absolutely frothing because OP has had the obscene audacity to ask a man to do something. Doesn't she know you can't do that? Doesn't she realise that any request of or reminder to a man makes you a nagging harridan, or his bitch mother? It's time she learned that men must never be questioned, even when the safety of a toddler is involved, because men are all-wise and authoritative, and if a stupid little woman dares to ask him something he is perfectly entitled to ruin the day for everyone by calling her names and storming off.

Mean for trying to educate?