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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was my request reasonable or was he right to storm off?

463 replies

Unsurree · 30/03/2026 15:29

I just don’t know if I am the problem. In a nutshell we bought raw bacon to put in nets to fish for crabs. DH was putting the raw bacon in while dd 3 was watching.

Affer he filled the net and put it in the water so dd could hold it, I asked him if he would go into the pub opposite to wash his hands.

He got really cross and stormed off muttering. There’s lots of moments like this and I just wonder if it’s me?! I don’t think it is but I would welcome other perspectives as he clearly thinks I’m unreasonable. For context I work full time as does DH but I am fully responsible for dd in the week due to the hours he works. I therefore try to avoid unnecessary risk of illness as there’s already lots of time off I have to take for sickness bugs etc and I thought it was a small thing to do to wash hands to be safe. AIBU?

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 31/03/2026 18:39

fallback76 · 31/03/2026 18:10

So many people with low standards on here!

So how often should you wash your hands during a crab fishing expedition? Given that your hands are going to be dirty for the whole time.

envbeckyc · 31/03/2026 18:38

For crabbing, it’s better to use chunks of smelt, than bacon.

The use of baby wipes and anti bacterial gel would have been better!

Thanks to sewer overflows discharging raw sewage into the sea, you should use anti bacterial gel after touching the net etc…. If you a bring super careful about germs!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 31/03/2026 18:38

tachetastic · 31/03/2026 18:33

I see your point, but I don't have a big issue with that.

By making its facilities available, the pub will attract additional custom. I don't think this makes it inevitable that everyone using the toilet must buy something.

However, yes, in the scheme of things, a quick pint while OP's DH was "washing his hands" would seem appropriate.

Show quote history

Tell that to the pubs who are sick of cheeky fuckers coming in to use the toilets and then buggering off. Spoiler alert - it doesn’t necessarily mean increased custom, just the facilities being used by people who won’t buy a drink. A lot of places won’t let you do it.

Even 20 years ago when I worked in a cinema we were not allowed to let people use the facilities unless they had a ticket.

KidsDoBetter · 31/03/2026 18:34

Error

tachetastic · 31/03/2026 18:33

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 31/03/2026 18:18

So they should all have used the pub facilities without buying anything?

Show quote history

I see your point, but I don't have a big issue with that.

By making its facilities available, the pub will attract additional custom. I don't think this makes it inevitable that everyone using the toilet must buy something.

However, yes, in the scheme of things, a quick pint while OP's DH was "washing his hands" would seem appropriate.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 31/03/2026 18:18

tachetastic · 31/03/2026 18:06

I think washing his hands in the sea for now, and giving them a proper wash before handling food, would have been fine. Calling a halt to the fun and sending him off to wash his hands was probably not necessary and I can understand him being a bit grumpy, especially when as soon as he gets back he will get his hands covered again in germs from the beach, crabs, bits of left over bacon grease and a million other contaminants and have to wash them again before eating.

To be honest, bacon or not, you all should have traipsed over to the pub and washed your hands before touching food anyway, or else washed your hands in the sea and then used hand sanitiser which in that case would do for all of you.

So they should all have used the pub facilities without buying anything?

Wecanagreetodisagree · 31/03/2026 18:15

I think your unreasonable for using bacon for crabbing!

Wecanagreetodisagree · 31/03/2026 18:14

Indianajet · 30/03/2026 15:39

Sounds a bit pointless in the middle of crab fishing - surely he would be touching the crab or the bait again very shortly? A thorough wash at the end sounds more sensible..

This

and he is an adult!

if your fishing in the sea - jus wash at the end

fallback76 · 31/03/2026 18:10

So many people with low standards on here!

LittleMyLabyrinth · 31/03/2026 18:09

I am genuinely worried about the number of people who think bacon can be eaten raw! 🤢 No, YANBU! He sounds gross.

tachetastic · 31/03/2026 18:06

I think washing his hands in the sea for now, and giving them a proper wash before handling food, would have been fine. Calling a halt to the fun and sending him off to wash his hands was probably not necessary and I can understand him being a bit grumpy, especially when as soon as he gets back he will get his hands covered again in germs from the beach, crabs, bits of left over bacon grease and a million other contaminants and have to wash them again before eating.

To be honest, bacon or not, you all should have traipsed over to the pub and washed your hands before touching food anyway, or else washed your hands in the sea and then used hand sanitiser which in that case would do for all of you.

TTCbabynumber22025 · 31/03/2026 18:02

If you were crabbing in the sea, I think the bacon is the least of your worries to be honest

JustChillin70 · 31/03/2026 18:02

We live near an estuary so have been crabbing loads of times when the kids were young and can’t remember ever going to wash our hands and we’ve all lived to tell the tale without so much as a gippy tummy. There’s far worse things coming out of the estuary than a bit of smoked bacon

Happytaytos · 31/03/2026 18:01

Sandalsandbreadsticks · 31/03/2026 17:52

Amazes me how many people have terrible hygiene standards. It's normal to wash your hands after handling raw meat. Basic in fact. Your husband is being a bigger child than your actual child, as are most of the people on here

Seems pointless when you're putting your hands in sea water

JustChillin70 · 31/03/2026 17:59

InterestedDad37 · 30/03/2026 15:39

I hope he stormed off sideways 🦀 🦀 🦀

Love it 😂

LBFseBrom · 31/03/2026 17:59

What do you do with the crabs when you've caught them?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 31/03/2026 17:57

Emmz1510 · 31/03/2026 17:35

I doubt that uncooked bacon has much if any harmful bacteria on it. As others have said it will been cured. It’s not the same as raw poultry or even beef. Plus, it doesn’t sound like the activity was finished was it? Washing at the end would probably have been sufficient. I assume he’d be handling any crabs that they caught? Sounds a bit like you were hovering over him waiting for the first moment to bark orders and possibly killing the joy of crabbing with his son

Interestingly, it is still raw pork and, although cured, still poses a risk of salmonella and parasites. It is not the same as prosciutto, for example.

Sandalsandbreadsticks · 31/03/2026 17:52

Amazes me how many people have terrible hygiene standards. It's normal to wash your hands after handling raw meat. Basic in fact. Your husband is being a bigger child than your actual child, as are most of the people on here

OneBadKitty · 31/03/2026 17:49

YABU!
I wouldn't be letting in people to wash their hands if it was my pub!

Last time I was at Whitby there were dozens of people catching crabs with bacon- didn't see any of them running off to wash their hands in pubs after every catch! That would be nuts. You're only going to be at risk from food poisoning from raw meat if you put your fingers in your mouth- and even then the risk is miniscule!

If you are that finickity about this stuff- carry some antibac wipes or gel round with you.

Notsosweetcaroline · 31/03/2026 17:48

Both washing hands after crabbing, go for a drink in pub, I’d not request he does it multiple times, the water will have been minging and may have been handing crabs,

Emmz1510 · 31/03/2026 17:35

I doubt that uncooked bacon has much if any harmful bacteria on it. As others have said it will been cured. It’s not the same as raw poultry or even beef. Plus, it doesn’t sound like the activity was finished was it? Washing at the end would probably have been sufficient. I assume he’d be handling any crabs that they caught? Sounds a bit like you were hovering over him waiting for the first moment to bark orders and possibly killing the joy of crabbing with his son

boredoflaundry · 31/03/2026 17:32

It’s you. You are unreasonable.
there are plenty of explanations as to why above.

FreyaW · 31/03/2026 17:27

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 30/03/2026 15:31

I think this sounds a bit bonkers.

My bad, sorry ...didn't mean you.. lol

ButterBastardBeans · 31/03/2026 17:27

Happyjoe · 30/03/2026 19:39

It's still covered in bacteria.

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99.9 % of bacteria are not pathogenic. You are full to the brim with them from your teeth to your toot. Bacteria has to be pathogenic to harm you and even then, you have to have a critical load that overtakes your immune system.