Was my request reasonable or was he right to storm off?

Omg wellstopdoingitthen

* I a bit of a ‘thing’ for eating raw sausages as a kid. Wouldn’t do it now but I have lasted 63 years without illnesses connected with food.*

we used to as well - I’ve never been able to find anyone that did!!! They tasted so good - obv now I’m 🤢 at the thought

and we used to eat jelly cubes

I don’t think there is a rule

I was agreeing with you

@wellstopdoingitthen I had a bit of a ‘thing’ for eating raw sausages as a kid. Wouldn’t do it now but I have lasted 63 years without illnesses connected with food.

I think you should do a bit of homework about raw pork.

There's a reason why ancient Israelites designated it as an "unclean" food.

Underrated comment.

We wash our hands afterwards and that is it. But the bacon is pre cut and only my husband puts it on the hook (before anyone says anything, the crabs don’t get hurt by the hook, they just cling onto it and then get extra bacon or we feed the gobies in the sea wall holes). I don’t think you need to keep washing your hands personally. Haven’t ever got sick from this and use the SAS website to check sewage situation.

So again.. how many times should he have had to wash his hands? There is obviously an acceptable timeframe.

Basic levels of hygiene have kept us safe for Ions

It was ‘high up on an estuary’ apparently and it wasn’t possible to do that I think.

And the OP appears not to have taken wipes - which seems odd given how upset she seems to be.

OP is responsible for spoiling the day - blaming the husband for reacting is a joke. I would not let anyone speak to me like a child (I’m surprised she didn’t use the phrase ‘kind hands’ as well). She says there have been a fair few instances of this recently - I wonder if that was in response to the OP treating him like a child?

Yeah, I have 'low standards' - don't faint at the sight of the toilet brush, don't wash towels after every use, and wouldn't even think of trekking to wash my hands in OP's case. Lived to 38 happily and perfectly healthy, and will continue to do so. Low standards and all.

On the other hand, I - a fully adult woman - wouldn't let someone boss me about like a parent, and order me to wash my hands. I'd tell OP 'no', followed by 'fuck off' if she kept on nagging me. I'd go to the pub and wouldn't come back.

OP it's you, not him. Your neurosis and obsessions are for you to deal with. You have no right to mummy your adult husband.

Yes it’s the micromanaging that would have peed him off - it’s obv a feature of your relationship or he wouldn’t have complied immediately

We use bacon rind for crabbing! The crabs love it and it’s nice to treat them for the bizarre experience. If you were relaxing at home and someone wafted a burger at you and so you grabbed it and then were lifted up out of your house and into the sky, peered at for a few minutes by a giant (we never touch) and then handed another burger into your other hand and lowered back down, I’d say that was a fair trade off!

We only go once a year though to our local harbour. Then we all go into the pub and wash our hands before having half a cider.

Okay again I ask.. if you are doing a dirty activity like this, how often should you wash your hands? Nobody seems to be capable of answering this.

I had a bit of a ‘thing’ for eating raw sausages as a kid. Wouldn’t do it now but I have lasted 63 years without illnesses connected with food.

Perhaps it would be easier to have a bottle of hand sanitizer in your bag/pocket.

Properly cured bacon is perfectly safe to eat raw. I work on a farm with an onsite butchery.

Im hypervigulant about hand washing when touching raw meat.
I would have taken wipes/hand sanitiser for everyone.
Had it been cooked I wouldn't have been bothered so much.
Yanbu, but I don't know your tone or whether you usually have to tell your husband how to keep clean

Parental anxiety about dirt and germs is bad for kids - but it's tricky because it's easy to believe that we are the careful, conscientious parent and the other one is sloppy. Most people who are unreasonable, or anxious, will be able to justify their beliefs and will maintain that they're correct, so it's great that you are actually asking AIBU about this and looking for other perspectives.

I wonder if this is just one in a long line of situations where you've been anxious about germs and told him how you want him to parent your child? Forgive me if it's not, but worth considering. If he thinks you're OTT about hygiene, he may feel this is bad for your daughter at well as bad for him. I certainly think this was OTT ; wash hands before preparing food or eating, but pointless in the middle of crab fishing, or any other outdoor activity. In terms of risk this is nowhere near handling raw chicken.
This article is worth a read... www.drpsychmom.com/is-your-anxiety-hurting-your-child/

It's not the hygiene thing that's annoying him it's the micromanaging. If you're making him go to the pub at least tell him to stop and have a pint while he's there!

What a lot of fuss - couldn't he just wipe his hands on a tissue until you got home?

How on earth did you envisage crabbing to go?

Bait crab net - go in pub wash hands - haul in crab net - go in pub and wash hands - remove crabs from crab net - go in pub and wash hands - bait crab net... etc?

Crabbing is a mucky job, the water, the mud, the crabs, the bait - take wet wipes, remind your child NOT to put her hands in her mouth (which you should be doing anyway). It really is not practical to thoroughly wash your hands between each step, just wash them before you eat.

I always carry wipes - rarely need them and I know they[re not environmentally friendly but they are very useful for things like this. To be fair, him touching bacon probably wouldn't bother me. How many surfaces would he touch anyway on his way to the pub loo?

Have you ever been crabbing??
You'd be washing your hands constantly!

As someone who is a keen angler, people underestimate the impacts of sewage into our rivers and seas, and how ill it can make adults and children.

I think that people are quite blasé about the potential health risks, and if the Husband watched ‘A dirty business’ he might be more understanding about handwashing

OP said that they were relatively local, so perhaps the landlord knew them by sight? I don't know. As I said in my original post, I would have gone with everyone washing their hands in the sea and then using hand sanitiser. I was actually on team DH.

To be honest, if it was me I would probably have just gone with me and my own kids just washing our hands in the sea but I included the reference to hand sanitiser for the "health and safety" contingent.

I doubt it will be an issue in the future as I dont imagine the DH will want to do something as fun as crab fishing in case he gets told off

I’d be more worried about the raw sewage in the sea than the raw bacon! If your daughter isn’t old enough to understand not to put her hands in or near her mouth until the crabbing is finished and her hands have been washed then she’s probably too young for crabbing.