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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was my request reasonable or was he right to storm off?

463 replies

Unsurree · 30/03/2026 15:29

I just don’t know if I am the problem. In a nutshell we bought raw bacon to put in nets to fish for crabs. DH was putting the raw bacon in while dd 3 was watching.

Affer he filled the net and put it in the water so dd could hold it, I asked him if he would go into the pub opposite to wash his hands.

He got really cross and stormed off muttering. There’s lots of moments like this and I just wonder if it’s me?! I don’t think it is but I would welcome other perspectives as he clearly thinks I’m unreasonable. For context I work full time as does DH but I am fully responsible for dd in the week due to the hours he works. I therefore try to avoid unnecessary risk of illness as there’s already lots of time off I have to take for sickness bugs etc and I thought it was a small thing to do to wash hands to be safe. AIBU?

OP posts:
rwalker · 31/03/2026 20:06

LeopardStar1 · 31/03/2026 20:01

You are the one changing the putrid bedding in the night, breaking your heart while your little one pukes her guts up knowing you might have been the one to pass on those germs to her. So no. YANBU. If I can prevent my little one from this then I will. She's still building her immune system eating dirt. Food poisening is different. I wouldn't want my little one suffering because I didn't wash my hands

We live near to sea with a crabbing pool
just washed our hands when we got back
never ill and we all survived

breaking your heart is a touch dramatic

honestly nowadays there’s so much hysteria I think the next generation are going to be scared of there own shadow

ByUniqueViper · 31/03/2026 20:02

You're treating your husband like hes a child. Is it the end of the world if he didn't wash his hands. What about the crabs, sand, the sea? Does he need to wash his hands when touching them too? You spoilt the fun moment, its that simple. But it sounds like you often do that by your husbands comment/response.
Regarding your child getting ill, she could pick germs up from anywhere. They help build immune systems. Try stop fussing over minor issues and instead try to lighten up and have a little fun with your family.

LeopardStar1 · 31/03/2026 20:01

You are the one changing the putrid bedding in the night, breaking your heart while your little one pukes her guts up knowing you might have been the one to pass on those germs to her. So no. YANBU. If I can prevent my little one from this then I will. She's still building her immune system eating dirt. Food poisening is different. I wouldn't want my little one suffering because I didn't wash my hands

Strawberry53 · 31/03/2026 19:58

I’m really surprised by anyone saying you’re being unreasonable. Of course you should wash your hands after handling raw meat. I’m definitely the one to remind my husband of these things too but he wouldn’t react like that- very annoying making you feel bad for being perfectly sensible. I suppose at least he did it! I would bring hand sanitizer wipes with you next time so you can just give him one of those and might save the muttering. I do realise that’s even more mental load for you but sometimes you have to pick your battles.

Strawberry53 · 31/03/2026 19:58

I’m really surprised by anyone saying you’re being unreasonable. Of course you should wash your hands after handling raw meat. I’m definitely the one to remind my husband of these things too but he wouldn’t react like that- very annoying making you feel bad for being perfectly sensible. I suppose at least he did it! I would bring hand sanitizer wipes with you next time so you can just give him one of those and might save the muttering. I do realise that’s even more mental load for you but sometimes you have to pick your battles.

wellstopdoingitthen · 31/03/2026 19:55

Wecanagreetodisagree · 31/03/2026 19:50

What about good boy chocs for the dog and cooking chocolate if you were desperate - usually after mum telling me to have a jam sandwich if I was hungry 🤤

nope no affects

did you see liviadrucila still eats them raw!!!

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Never pinched the dog chocolate but often pinched the cooking chocolate and Heinz baby chocolate pudding jars were never safe! 😂

Snakebite61 · 31/03/2026 19:54

Unsurree · 30/03/2026 15:32

@ItsOnlyHobnobs me or him?!

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Definitely you.

YourShyLion · 31/03/2026 19:50

I'd be more concerned that you were showing your toddler how to kill living creatures or, hoping you put them back unharmed, that you're showing her how to torture them for your own amusement!

Wecanagreetodisagree · 31/03/2026 19:50

wellstopdoingitthen · 31/03/2026 19:48

How strange. I had an absolute compulsion and would sneak into the fridge to pinch them 😳

I agree I find it absolutely 🤮 to think about it now. It never made me ill, did it affect you @Wecanagreetodisagree?

Good job I’m not an Israelite eh?

I also ate jelly squares (and still do!).

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What about good boy chocs for the dog and cooking chocolate if you were desperate - usually after mum telling me to have a jam sandwich if I was hungry 🤤

nope no affects

did you see liviadrucila still eats them raw!!!

wellstopdoingitthen · 31/03/2026 19:48

shuggles · 31/03/2026 19:31

@wellstopdoingitthen I had a bit of a ‘thing’ for eating raw sausages as a kid. Wouldn’t do it now but I have lasted 63 years without illnesses connected with food.

I think you should do a bit of homework about raw pork.

There's a reason why ancient Israelites designated it as an "unclean" food.

🙄

wellstopdoingitthen · 31/03/2026 19:48

Wecanagreetodisagree · 31/03/2026 19:35

Omg wellstopdoingitthen

* I a bit of a ‘thing’ for eating raw sausages as a kid. Wouldn’t do it now but I have lasted 63 years without illnesses connected with food.*

we used to as well - I’ve never been able to find anyone that did!!! They tasted so good - obv now I’m 🤢 at the thought

and we used to eat jelly cubes

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How strange. I had an absolute compulsion and would sneak into the fridge to pinch them 😳

I agree I find it absolutely 🤮 to think about it now. It never made me ill, did it affect you @Wecanagreetodisagree?

Good job I’m not an Israelite eh?

I also ate jelly squares (and still do!).

Wecanagreetodisagree · 31/03/2026 19:47

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 31/03/2026 19:43

No not at all. I’m 55 and not had an issue yet

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I might have to start a thread about if there any other raw sausagers out there!

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 31/03/2026 19:46

He needs a crash course in food hygiene, and food contamination.
Sorry, but he sounds like bit dim and a knob

Maybe if you go out again. You could take some disposable, antibacterial wipes.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 31/03/2026 19:43

Wecanagreetodisagree · 31/03/2026 19:42

Well - there you go!

although if your eating the raw pork I think you don’t have to worry about the jus touching it

aren’t you worried about stuff tha cooking kills

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No not at all. I’m 55 and not had an issue yet

Wecanagreetodisagree · 31/03/2026 19:42

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 31/03/2026 19:41

Oh I ADORE a spreadsheet 😬

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Well - there you go!

although if your eating the raw pork I think you don’t have to worry about the jus touching it

aren’t you worried about stuff tha cooking kills

RedWineCupcakes · 31/03/2026 19:42

shuggles · 31/03/2026 19:31

@wellstopdoingitthen I had a bit of a ‘thing’ for eating raw sausages as a kid. Wouldn’t do it now but I have lasted 63 years without illnesses connected with food.

I think you should do a bit of homework about raw pork.

There's a reason why ancient Israelites designated it as an "unclean" food.

The ancient Israelites did not have access to parasiticides, vaccines or antibiotics. While I still wouldn't encourage eating raw pork, the reasons that eating it has historically been a problem are largely eliminated through modern farming practices.

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 31/03/2026 19:42

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 30/03/2026 15:31

I think this sounds a bit bonkers.

Grow up!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 31/03/2026 19:41

Wecanagreetodisagree · 31/03/2026 19:37

I suspect you could do a whole spreadsheet for the variables 😂

did he touch anything? Scratch his bum? 😂

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Oh I ADORE a spreadsheet 😬

Wecanagreetodisagree · 31/03/2026 19:41

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 31/03/2026 19:41

Because it tastes nice. Just like other posters have said.

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I’m blown away!!!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 31/03/2026 19:41

Wecanagreetodisagree · 31/03/2026 19:37

Do you - amazing

I’ve got to ask - why???

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Because it tastes nice. Just like other posters have said.

DiscoCherries · 31/03/2026 19:38

Verv · 30/03/2026 15:42

If DD is crabbing then shes exposed to raw sewage the minute she pulls that net out of the water.
Washing your hands to get rid of the unhygienic thing while tinkering about in the really unhygienic thing is a bit nuts.
Sanitary wipes are a godsend.

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Yeah this, OP. I’d have been annoyed if I was your DH too!

Wecanagreetodisagree · 31/03/2026 19:37

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 31/03/2026 19:36

I still eat raw sausages and bacon.

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Do you - amazing

I’ve got to ask - why???

Wecanagreetodisagree · 31/03/2026 19:37

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 31/03/2026 19:35

It was unclear.

everyone saying the DH should have washed his hands after handling the bacon - he was going to have filthy hands again straight away. It’s a legitimate question. He washes his hands, his hands get manky again, how long is it acceptable to have dirty hands before he had to wash them again.

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I suspect you could do a whole spreadsheet for the variables 😂

did he touch anything? Scratch his bum? 😂

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 31/03/2026 19:36

Wecanagreetodisagree · 31/03/2026 19:35

Omg wellstopdoingitthen

* I a bit of a ‘thing’ for eating raw sausages as a kid. Wouldn’t do it now but I have lasted 63 years without illnesses connected with food.*

we used to as well - I’ve never been able to find anyone that did!!! They tasted so good - obv now I’m 🤢 at the thought

and we used to eat jelly cubes

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I still eat raw sausages and bacon.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 31/03/2026 19:35

Wecanagreetodisagree · 31/03/2026 19:32

I don’t think there is a rule

I was agreeing with you

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It was unclear.

everyone saying the DH should have washed his hands after handling the bacon - he was going to have filthy hands again straight away. It’s a legitimate question. He washes his hands, his hands get manky again, how long is it acceptable to have dirty hands before he had to wash them again.