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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was my request reasonable or was he right to storm off?

463 replies

Unsurree · 30/03/2026 15:29

I just don’t know if I am the problem. In a nutshell we bought raw bacon to put in nets to fish for crabs. DH was putting the raw bacon in while dd 3 was watching.

Affer he filled the net and put it in the water so dd could hold it, I asked him if he would go into the pub opposite to wash his hands.

He got really cross and stormed off muttering. There’s lots of moments like this and I just wonder if it’s me?! I don’t think it is but I would welcome other perspectives as he clearly thinks I’m unreasonable. For context I work full time as does DH but I am fully responsible for dd in the week due to the hours he works. I therefore try to avoid unnecessary risk of illness as there’s already lots of time off I have to take for sickness bugs etc and I thought it was a small thing to do to wash hands to be safe. AIBU?

OP posts:
BreakingBroken · 30/03/2026 16:11

WTF really weird fishing hygiene? I’m in Canada people hunt and fish no where near a pub…You rinse your hands in the ocean water/lake etc. use sand to scrub.

iamfedupwiththis · 30/03/2026 16:05

Unsurree · 30/03/2026 15:39

@CookingFatCat I actually said I would feel
comfortable if he washed his hands afterwards as I was worried dd would put her hands in her mouth. He then huffed and puffed and was quite unpleasant and said I was over the top and crazy. I then said please don’t be unkind I just want to ensure dd isn’t exposed to raw meat. That’s when he stormed off muttering

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You sound hard work

Janesput · 30/03/2026 16:04

CautiousLurker2 · 30/03/2026 15:54

Indeed - it not only carries a risk of salmonella but numerous parasites such as tapeworm. OP was not being unreasonable at all.

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Where as the estuary and the crabs themselves....

Janesput · 30/03/2026 16:03

CanaryLibra · 30/03/2026 16:02

You’re crabbing in estuary water. The raw bacon was probably the most hygienic thing about that whole activity.

YABU.

Yes, also this. It doesn't really compute that someone who worried about bacon on hands would lead a crabbing activity.

Janesput · 30/03/2026 16:02

I don't really think it's reasonable to go into a pub just to wash your hands, and if someone had "asked" me to do that, I'd probably refuse because I'd be very uncomfortable walking in just to use the facilities, especially if it was somewhere I didn't know. If you're that worried about hygiene, surely you'd buy wipes or hand sanitiser when you bought the bacon? Or wash them in the sea.

Storming off is not OK, but I guess it depends how he was asked.

Imbrocator · 30/03/2026 16:02

YANBU, but if you don’t already know then you should check the Surfers Against Sewage website or app before doing any activities that involve the sea. They track sewage spills around the coast and are very reliable.

datahq.sas.org.uk/sewage-data-hq/

CanaryLibra · 30/03/2026 16:02

You’re crabbing in estuary water. The raw bacon was probably the most hygienic thing about that whole activity.

YABU.

nixon1976 · 30/03/2026 16:01

Wouldn't you all just wash your hands after the whole crabbing actviity? I mean, you're literally about to start touching the crabbing line, the bacon inside the nets, and the crabs themselves. Why on earth would you need to wash your hands before doing all of this?

Shoxfordian · 30/03/2026 15:57

You're treating him like a kid

Ponderingwindow · 30/03/2026 15:57

Once you caught some crabs, hands are contaminated again. Plus most of the time people go fishing, there is no pub nearby to wash your hands. If you want to keep hands sanitary, bring cleaning supplies with you.

ohyesido · 30/03/2026 15:55

There are times when I get the hump because some self righteous person tells me to do something that I was always going to do, simply to make me feel shit. I’m sure you weren’t doing that but maybe he felt that way

Erin1975 · 30/03/2026 15:55

You are being ridiculous. If he were preparing salad in a kitchen then fair enough but you aren't. You are outside, presumably about to put your hands in the sea, touching the net and goodness knows what else.

CautiousLurker2 · 30/03/2026 15:54

JeepersItsTheKraken · 30/03/2026 15:39

Ready to eat meat products like ham and treated and packaged differently to meat that will be cooked. Bacon is not ready to eat, and will contain higher levels of bacteria that can be cooked off than a ready to eat ham slice.

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Indeed - it not only carries a risk of salmonella but numerous parasites such as tapeworm. OP was not being unreasonable at all.

Losted · 30/03/2026 15:54

I eat raw bacon. Have done since I was a child when used to eat the cut off rind meant for the bird table.

I'm in my 60s now - never did me any harm.

ohyesido · 30/03/2026 15:54

Are you always on at him to wash his hands or similar, ie making him feel bad if he doesn’t do it immediately?

Miranda65 · 30/03/2026 15:53

It's both.

It was unreasonable and fussy to bang on about him washing his hands.
However, it was also unreasonable for him to behave that way - in fact, any adult is unreasonable to "storm off".
Sounds like everyone involved needs to grow up!

OttersOnAPlane · 30/03/2026 15:53

YABU - his hands will be grubby because he's crabbing. He can wash them when he's finished, otherwise it's pretty pointless.

If you're that concerned, carry wipes or gel in your bag. I'd be fed up if I was sent off to a pub to wash my hands as an adult.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 30/03/2026 15:53

InterestedDad37 · 30/03/2026 15:39

I hope he stormed off sideways 🦀 🦀 🦀

😆

Anyahyacinth · 30/03/2026 15:53

JeepersItsTheKraken · 30/03/2026 15:32

Wow the fact people have deemed you unreasonable shows the low hygiene standards some people have. You should always wash your hands after handling raw meat. It's gross not to.

Agree

BoundaryGirl3939 · 30/03/2026 15:51

I'd feel you had spoiled the moment if you started bossing me about like that in nature.

Somethings are reasonable, some are not.

Bingbangboo · 30/03/2026 15:51

I wouldn't even have thought of washing my hands. Assuming you aren't using a new sanitary crab line each time you throw it back in, you'll be getting all sorts over your hands from the water which is probably contaminated with sewage. If you do catch a crab at which point do you stop and re-wash your hands given the crab will have touched the bacon?

Wambamaloomaawambamboo · 30/03/2026 15:51

Makemineacosmo · 30/03/2026 15:34

What people, the op only posted 4 minutes ago? 🤣
I would have expected him to wash his hands purely because it's not very nice to have raw meat on your hands. His reaction sounds over the top, but I think you're making a bit of a mountain out of a molehill too.

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The people that voted 🤣.........🙄

Ophir · 30/03/2026 15:50

YABU, you’re not his mum, and it was well OTT.

I think the storming might be because another chilled activity incurred the wrath of the hygiene police

however, I might well have done the same when my DCs were little, as I had gone a bit bonkers, and freaked about minor stuff at times

I’m now divorced

MimiGC · 30/03/2026 15:50

Unless you expected him to keep going across to the pub (which I doubt the landlord would have welcomed), surely it would make more sense to do it at the very end of the activity?

Villanellesproudmum · 30/03/2026 15:49

If another adult spoke to me like a child I’d have acted like one and gone to the pub and ordered a drink and a snack and said only customers are allowed to use the facilities.