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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was my request reasonable or was he right to storm off?

463 replies

Unsurree · 30/03/2026 15:29

I just don’t know if I am the problem. In a nutshell we bought raw bacon to put in nets to fish for crabs. DH was putting the raw bacon in while dd 3 was watching.

Affer he filled the net and put it in the water so dd could hold it, I asked him if he would go into the pub opposite to wash his hands.

He got really cross and stormed off muttering. There’s lots of moments like this and I just wonder if it’s me?! I don’t think it is but I would welcome other perspectives as he clearly thinks I’m unreasonable. For context I work full time as does DH but I am fully responsible for dd in the week due to the hours he works. I therefore try to avoid unnecessary risk of illness as there’s already lots of time off I have to take for sickness bugs etc and I thought it was a small thing to do to wash hands to be safe. AIBU?

OP posts:
sittingonabeach · 30/03/2026 19:11

@Mumtobabyhavoc so often would hands be washed if you were crabbing? And to be fair with the state of our waterways I think raw bacon is the least of our worries!

Mumtobabyhavoc · 30/03/2026 19:11

It's been fun!

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Mumtobabyhavoc · 30/03/2026 19:08

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/03/2026 19:01

No it isn’t - but presumably he wasn’t going to stick his fingers in her mouth?

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No, but handle her food? Touch her face, hands...

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/03/2026 19:03

Hoolieghoul · 30/03/2026 18:21

How often do crabs and raw bacon feature in your sex life...?

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The mind boggles, @Hoolieghoul! 😂

thinkfast · 30/03/2026 19:02

yabu op. The time for handwashing is at the end of an activity like this, not mid way through.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/03/2026 19:01

Mumtobabyhavoc · 30/03/2026 18:59

It's also worth pointing out OP's concern was largely because their dc is 3, so more susceptible to illness/serious illness from contamination. Salmonella ain't a joke. 😵‍💫

No it isn’t - but presumably he wasn’t going to stick his fingers in her mouth?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 30/03/2026 18:59

It's also worth pointing out OP's concern was largely because their dc is 3, so more susceptible to illness/serious illness from contamination. Salmonella ain't a joke. 😵‍💫

Mapletree1985 · 30/03/2026 18:56

I have crabbed with raw bacon many times, never washed my hands, even eaten my sarnies with my raw bacon smeared crabby hands, and never fallen sick from it.

FoolOfShips · 30/03/2026 18:52

Slightly off-topic but one thing about Covid, you nearly always had hand sanitiser with you for this sort of situation. I've tried carrying it post-pandemic but because the urgency and reminders have gone, what happens is I forget to transfer it to different bags so it languishes in a forgotten bag and dries up.

Coming back onto topic - I wouldn't be hugely worried about a bit of 'bacon juice' on my hands in this situation. Washing would be more a nice to have, do it at the next opportunity rather than making a special trip. I'd probably have dunked my hands in the river I was fishing in.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/03/2026 18:52

Mumtobabyhavoc · 30/03/2026 18:51

I think they should have had wipes and towels.

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So do I if the OP is that bothered

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/03/2026 18:52

ladyofshertonabbas · 30/03/2026 18:49

Tricky situation, I’d have liked my dh to wash his hands for dis’s sake, however asking dhs to wash their hands rarely goes well, particularly if it’s a hassle.

Actually how would the child know as she presuming wouldn’t be going into the gents with him

Mumtobabyhavoc · 30/03/2026 18:51

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/03/2026 18:51

When they were going to get filthy the minute he came back and touched anything. It must be exhausting washing your hands every minute or so when you are doing a dirty task.

So much for a nice family day out

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I think they should have had wipes and towels.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/03/2026 18:51

Mumtobabyhavoc · 30/03/2026 18:49

Or.... how inconsiderate to not clean dirty hands? 🤷‍♀️

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When they were going to get filthy the minute he came back and touched anything. It must be exhausting washing your hands every minute or so when you are doing a dirty task.

So much for a nice family day out

ladyofshertonabbas · 30/03/2026 18:49

Tricky situation, I’d have liked my dh to wash his hands for dis’s sake, however asking dhs to wash their hands rarely goes well, particularly if it’s a hassle.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 30/03/2026 18:49

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Or.... how inconsiderate to not clean dirty hands? 🤷‍♀️

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/03/2026 18:44

climbintheback · 30/03/2026 18:43

No wonder everyone is sick when they have no immunity. Anyway crabs are Muslim!

What, like they go to prayers and things 😱

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/03/2026 18:43

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climbintheback · 30/03/2026 18:43

No wonder everyone is sick when they have no immunity. Anyway crabs are Muslim!

Coconutter24 · 30/03/2026 18:42

tartyflette · 30/03/2026 15:34

Bacon is not raw, it has been cured and possibly even smoked too.

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You do know curing bacon and smoking it doesn’t cook it?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/03/2026 18:40

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YourWiseSheep · 30/03/2026 18:38

OP you sound very controlling. He is a grown adult. You have also alluded that this happens regulary making it sound like he is hen pecked and is always getting told what to do by you. I'm not suprised he has had enough.

Whatapantomime · 30/03/2026 18:38

😂😂
Children of the 70s and 80s …. How on earth are we still alive? 🤷🏼‍♀️😬

Mumtobabyhavoc · 30/03/2026 18:37

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/03/2026 18:35

Thats fine if he doesn’t mind you doing that - but OP’s DH sounds like he’s at the end of his tether and it’s possibly not the first time she has treated him like a toddler

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Probably not the first time he's acted like one either.

Coconutter24 · 30/03/2026 18:37

tartyflette · 30/03/2026 15:33

What bugs are on raw bacon? It is already cured and is perfectly safe to even eat when ‘raw’, just like Parma ham, or Spanish jamón, for example

It may be cured but it’s not cooked, so no it’s not safe to eat raw bacon

Mumtobabyhavoc · 30/03/2026 18:36

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/03/2026 18:34

And even if his hands were clean as possible, they were going to get dirty again once he was dealing with crabs, nets, more bait etc.

Presumably he was wanting a fun day out with his family - I can imagine the OP would have something to say if he had a quick drink!

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So, by that logic one should never wash their hands. 🙄

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