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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was my request reasonable or was he right to storm off?

463 replies

Unsurree · 30/03/2026 15:29

I just don’t know if I am the problem. In a nutshell we bought raw bacon to put in nets to fish for crabs. DH was putting the raw bacon in while dd 3 was watching.

Affer he filled the net and put it in the water so dd could hold it, I asked him if he would go into the pub opposite to wash his hands.

He got really cross and stormed off muttering. There’s lots of moments like this and I just wonder if it’s me?! I don’t think it is but I would welcome other perspectives as he clearly thinks I’m unreasonable. For context I work full time as does DH but I am fully responsible for dd in the week due to the hours he works. I therefore try to avoid unnecessary risk of illness as there’s already lots of time off I have to take for sickness bugs etc and I thought it was a small thing to do to wash hands to be safe. AIBU?

OP posts:
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HiEarthlings · 07/04/2026 15:46

outerspacepotato · 30/03/2026 15:42

🤣

Carry some hand sanitizer. He sounds like he struggles with hygiene.

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No, it sounds like he suffers with a nagging wife.....

TroysMammy · 05/04/2026 18:50

It's cured to stop it spoiling but it's still raw and needs to be cooked. Why do you think that eg a packet of pork chops has a use by date 4 days later but bacon has a use by date of 3 weeks later? Ffs I despair of people's logic and understanding of cooked, raw, cured and preserved.

crumpet · 05/04/2026 08:52

FFS enjoy the crabbing together and then you can all wash your hands. Why send him off just as the fun is about to start? That’s mean, especially as he’s the one who did the prep!

salsapasta · 05/04/2026 08:49

Sea, then wipes and sanitizer. Did you not have these with you?
Absolutely a must to clean hands when handling raw meet

HJC88 · 05/04/2026 07:16

Baby wipes - simples

Grendel7 · 04/04/2026 23:20

Hoolieghoul · 30/03/2026 15:40

Bacon should be cooked before eating, and therefore hands should be washed after touching raw bacon. Even though it has been cured and possibly smoked, it's not fully cooked and is capable of carrying salmonella, listeria and other bacteria.

Standard supermarket bacon is not the same as something like prosciutto, which is not raw in the way bacon is. It has been heavily salted and left to cure in controlled conditions for months, a process which is hostile to harmful bacteria. Bacon is cured, but still moist and uncooked, and not aged for long enough to eliminate bacterial risk.

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Well said,can't believe how many people think its like handling ham!!!
Bacon is raw until cooked and it is frightening how many people don't know this!

Grendel7 · 04/04/2026 23:17

Unsurree · 30/03/2026 15:39

@CookingFatCat I actually said I would feel
comfortable if he washed his hands afterwards as I was worried dd would put her hands in her mouth. He then huffed and puffed and was quite unpleasant and said I was over the top and crazy. I then said please don’t be unkind I just want to ensure dd isn’t exposed to raw meat. That’s when he stormed off muttering

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My sympathies. He is a git.
Raw bacon harbours food borne salmonella campilobacter,listeria,tapeworm and many more!

Grendel7 · 04/04/2026 23:14

tartyflette · 30/03/2026 15:34

Bacon is not raw, it has been cured and possibly even smoked too.

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It is raw until cooked! Wow, how many of you think its safe raw. Frightening!

Grendel7 · 04/04/2026 23:12

tartyflette · 30/03/2026 15:33

What bugs are on raw bacon? It is already cured and is perfectly safe to even eat when ‘raw’, just like Parma ham, or Spanish jamón, for example

Am NOT eating at yours yak!

Grendel7 · 04/04/2026 23:11

Unsurree · 30/03/2026 15:29

I just don’t know if I am the problem. In a nutshell we bought raw bacon to put in nets to fish for crabs. DH was putting the raw bacon in while dd 3 was watching.

Affer he filled the net and put it in the water so dd could hold it, I asked him if he would go into the pub opposite to wash his hands.

He got really cross and stormed off muttering. There’s lots of moments like this and I just wonder if it’s me?! I don’t think it is but I would welcome other perspectives as he clearly thinks I’m unreasonable. For context I work full time as does DH but I am fully responsible for dd in the week due to the hours he works. I therefore try to avoid unnecessary risk of illness as there’s already lots of time off I have to take for sickness bugs etc and I thought it was a small thing to do to wash hands to be safe. AIBU?

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable! Raw bacon then dealing with a child,aarrghh! Did covid teach us nothing about hand hygiene? So everyone has just gone back to being disgusting then?
I keep wipes in my car for after getting petrol,who knows what has touched those pumps,but I never see anyone else do this. Supermarket trolleys too...it just makes sense to keep hands clean.

Easterbunnyishotandcross · 04/04/2026 22:00

Your dc won't live respecting their df when he is spoken to like a naughty teen db instead of an equal parent..

Usernamenotav · 04/04/2026 21:56

LeopardStar1 · 01/04/2026 19:11

Just educate yourself on cross contamination. For example, if I touch raw meat and then touch my child's doll because she's dropped it and then passed my daughter her drinks bottle, I'm going to have to clean all of those things once I've cleaned my hands. If I just wash my hands after touching meat....... Saves me hassle. Common sense

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They're crabbing! He's going to be touching it over and over again. The sensible thing in your scenario would be to not bring kids toys along.

Usernamenotav · 04/04/2026 21:54

LeopardStar1 · 01/04/2026 07:03

Why do you think she spoke to him like a child? She prompted him to do something he should have done automatically

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He shouldn't have done it automatically. How ridiculous

Jeska7 · 04/04/2026 21:43

You are treating him like a child.

Do you expect him to wash his hands every five minutes? It would be a dirty activity!

Most pubs won’t let you use the facilities without a purchase!

AskAggie · 04/04/2026 19:22

This isn’t really about hygiene is it? It’s more about how do we both show up when we have opposing views. There’s no sense here of anyone trying to understand the other, of talking things through , of compromising or being kind. It’s such a small moment but seeing as relationships are made up of these small moments , these sorts of incidents can really damage a marriage and the people within it.

LubyLooTwo · 04/04/2026 19:09

Sounds like you are a nagging wife.

SueKeeper · 04/04/2026 19:03

Who had the idea to go crabbing? If it was his idea, you were sucking the fun out of it. If it was yours, you should probably think about what is actually fun. Activities are not objectively fun, you are the deciding factor and should probably focus on things you can handle doing in a relaxed way. You ruined the mood and he made it worse by storming off.

FreeCimemacode952 · 04/04/2026 18:54

If you were that bothered about raw bacon. Why didn't you use old bread or something similar to catch the crabs ?

BassBug · 04/04/2026 18:43

Unsurree · 30/03/2026 15:29

I just don’t know if I am the problem. In a nutshell we bought raw bacon to put in nets to fish for crabs. DH was putting the raw bacon in while dd 3 was watching.

Affer he filled the net and put it in the water so dd could hold it, I asked him if he would go into the pub opposite to wash his hands.

He got really cross and stormed off muttering. There’s lots of moments like this and I just wonder if it’s me?! I don’t think it is but I would welcome other perspectives as he clearly thinks I’m unreasonable. For context I work full time as does DH but I am fully responsible for dd in the week due to the hours he works. I therefore try to avoid unnecessary risk of illness as there’s already lots of time off I have to take for sickness bugs etc and I thought it was a small thing to do to wash hands to be safe. AIBU?

Don't you carry wipes?

Reasonstobelieve · 03/04/2026 16:57

To be fair I don't think he should have stormed off but if its part of a bigger issue such as feeling he is always being treated like a child eg now go & wash your hands it may have been the last straw. I always carry hand sanitiser for situations like this.

Strawberry53 · 02/04/2026 21:30

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 01/04/2026 16:49

Does your husband not mind being treated like a child reminded? Each to their own and all that but the first time my partner ‘reminded’ me to do something like that would be the last time.

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Jesus that’s a bit of an extreme reaction to my comment 🤣. He just doesn’t always think of things in the same way I do. And fair enough If he really didn’t agree with me or if he did not want to do something,
he would say as much. He’s no pushover . I am just a more cautious person with stuff like that. Not much more to it that than that!

stickystick · 02/04/2026 20:16

BTW this is why every other child at school has allergies btw - over obsession with handwashing!

stickystick · 02/04/2026 20:16

Here is the solution. Lower crab bucket over the side and fill with seawater. Raise bucket. Use contents to rinse hands.

You’re welcome.

shuggles · 02/04/2026 20:05

@RedWineCupcakes And no farmers do not use routine preventive antibiotics. It is no longer permitted in UK.

But not all meat you eat is sourced from the UK.

Happytaytos · 02/04/2026 17:40

Ewg9 · 02/04/2026 16:18

Can't believe people have said you are unreasonable OP, you were not unreasonable. Raw bacon on hands is disgusting, basic hygiene is important especially round young children.

But he's going to touch sea water, crab nets, crabs, bacon again etc. Why bother until he's finished?

Teach kids not to touch their faces.