AIBU to tell my close friend I have feelings?

30 replies

Sunshineallsummer · 30/03/2026 14:29

Hey!

just posting here for some advice really!

I’ve got a male friend who I’ve known for about 5 years. We worked together, gradually became closer and closer and now we’re best friends. We regularly spend time together outside of work, would spend lunch together at work and message a lot outside of work. We don’t work together anymore but have kept up the friendship.

the thing is I actually really like him and have got feelings for him. We just click really well- I’ve never met someone I get along with so well. We have a laugh and banter and we just click really well.

I’m just so, so worried to tell him in case it spoils our friendship. I don’t know if he has feelings for me but he’s such a great friend I would hate to lose him if I told him how I feel.

has anyone ever had similar? If so, did you tell him and did it go well or did you regret it? Thanks😅

OP posts:

BillieWiper · 30/03/2026 15:30

If he liked you in that way surely he'd have been flirting and something would've happened by now romantically or sexually?

Men don't usually fancy a woman and have five year platonic friendships with them without ever letting that be known.

I'm not saying don't tell him how you feel. But be prepared he may not feel the same. I would hope you could accept this romantic rebuffal and continue the friendship but only you and him can know if that's the case.

Bristolandlazy · 30/03/2026 15:28

You could approach it casually, all him in a general way if he thinks you'd be a good partner or good shag. Or you're thinking of making a dating profile any input, something casual low key not a "I've got something to tell you" etc

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 30/03/2026 15:25

Is he single?

If so, tell him. You won't move on until you do. If he's a decent bloke, you won't lose the friendship regardless, and if he's not, then you've not lost anything in the long term.

Tillow4ever · 30/03/2026 14:43

Unless he’s given any indication of feeling the same, don’t do it. I was madly in love with my best friend. He and I did everything together. I did make it clear how I felt at one point and he basically told me he saw me as a friend and didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Which I was ok with, just disappointed.

Then one day he told me he had feelings for me and my boyfriend was right to be jealous. He kissed me and we talked about plans for the future. Then before I even had chance to think about what I actually wanted, he called me and said he was going to stay away from me for a while - then he just stopped replying to me, and I guess what you call these days “ghosted” me.

I never did work out what I did wrong to go from being the person each other went to about everything to never hearing from him again.

I have always missed his friendship and thoroughly regret anything “more” happening. Even if it was just a kiss.

Before I get told off, yes I told my boyfriend what happened.

DelphiniumBlue · 30/03/2026 14:39

If you’re brave you could tell him, but as you say, if he doesn’t feel the same way then friendship may become awkward.
Personally, I’d start getting a bit touchy- freely, put your hand on his arm when you’re talking, that kind of thing. Body language hints, more eye contact, and see if he gets the message that way.
Why do you think nothing has happened up until now? 5 years is a long time for neither of you not to make a move.

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