AIBU to speak to the head about information being shared?

Nobody is discouraging anyone. I was simply saying when you ring, you may as well cut out the middle man and ask to speak to the head

Sometimes other parents pass on tickets to other families , be careful you don’t accuse the SIL unless you can prove it .
I would discuss the issue with headteacher so she’s aware of a sensitive situation though .

Mine used to when I was a young teacher, particularly when I had written the play 😳

However, I don’t want to derail and I think it’s unlikely this is happening in this scenario.

I’d be moving them from that school and having a lot less to do with FIL.

The point I am making is that people should not be discouraged from talking to safeguarding staff by being told that those people are not the right people to talk to.

It all sounds really dramatic and unpleasant for your children. You are in daily communication with your FIL and your SIL teaches your son, so you are completely entangled with the family. Unless there is some sort of abuse involved, I wouldn't drag the headteacher into your family drama. It will make you all seem ridiculous. Can't your husband sort things out with his mother and at least get to an amicable stage in all this.

Ultimately, there will be a complaints policy that will be published on the school website. That is what needs to be followed. For all we know, the SIL could be a DSL!!!

None of this makes sense tbh.

1. The SIL is such a shit stirrer that she caused MIL to go no contact not just with you but your kids? And you're allowing her to have anything to do with your kids why?! It would have been a blanket 'no' to her having anything to do with the children if it was me and she's that toxic tbh. Tricky if she works at the school but you absolutely can ask that she isn't allowed to teach your children or any information be shared with her

2. How is an adult who isn't the legal guardian of a child or explicitly invited by their legal guardian managing to get into a primary school play?! This is definitely a safeguarding concern and I would be telling the school that next time she's allowed into the audience you will be immediately leaving with your children

3. If gm has chosen to go no contact why is she bothering to stalk your kids like this? If she actually wants a relationship with them can you not just facilitate one through your DH? If she doesn't and is just doing this to upset you and your kids then why on earth are you being so passive about this?! Literaĺly walk up to her and tell her to piss off.

4. Why on earth aren't you talking to the school safeguarding lead about all of the above? It's a massive safeguarding concern and they have a member of staff who's not only breaking gdpr rules but creating an unsafe environment for your kids

Crack down on this hard op and be prepared to move schools if the school response is inadequate

Op definitely speak to the head and explain that the grandmother isn’t in your dc lives for good reason and is it possible to prevent her attending any events that your kids are involved in. It seems pretty toxic behaviour of the sil and gm to put the children through this. School should feel safe for them this is where they will grow and learn do you speak to your sil?

Honestly, if your SIL is passing this information on, she deserves all the trouble she gets. Out if order.

If this is such a massive deal why have you got to the end of term 4 and not even spoken to the headteacher? Surely when you found out who the teacher was last year you should've said something then?

So you’d rather have your children suffer than get SIL in trouble????????? Jeez she’s deserving of everything she gets. Why are you being too nice? Sort the woman out and stand up for your kids. You are being walked all over.

You and your husband need to speak to his parents properly like grown ups. Sounds like his sister is stirring things up so take her power away

If your MIL wants no contact, why does she want to see your children? Or is it to intimidate them in some way?
Honestly I might speak to the school, and I would ask that your MIL not be allowed attend school functions. I don't know if anything can stop your SIL giving your MIL info

If the children move to another school, the SiL won’t be able to speak to her mother about them, because she won’t be seeing them on a daily basis.

I would look at the availability of places in year R and year 4 and move them as soon as possible. Unless there are particular other reasons why they have to stay in that school. It isn’t ideal for the children, but they won’t be fretting over whether or not their grandmother will be in school.

The OP would surely feel better knowing that information is not being shared to someone she doesn’t want knowing anything about the family.

SIL should get into trouble though. She is behaving disgracefully and unprofessionally. Your SIL and your MIL are using all the weapons in their arsenal to cause trouble and a massive rift while you are still trying to play by the rules and protect SIL's job. She deserves to lose her job or at least to have some sort of warning to stop her passing on confidential information about your children to her malevolent mother.

The school should be responsible for ensuring that all members of their staff behave professionally and do not pass on confidential information about their pupils. If SIL's conduct is unprofessional and she is breaking confidentiality/breaching GDPR, the school needs to know so that they can stop this happening.

OP, several of us have asked this question, and you haven't answered, which is odd, as it seems like the most sensible option. Can your Husband talk to his sister first and ask her to stop?

I honestly don't understand why you are enduring having your child in her class. This is a woman who you have claimed told egregious lies about you, and has encouraged her mother to go no contact with you (and consequently her grandkids). And yet you allow your son to spend the entirety of his school days being taught by her?

This makes absolutely no sense. And it can't be good for your son either.

If this is your concern then you have to contact the head. To be honest you should have done it a long time ago it seems.

I’d also question why non parents are attending school functions. All in all there’s a strong case here for moving the children. Certainly the younger one. They’re caught in the middle of the family breakdown and it’s doing no party any good.

Even if the children were asking SIL ( their teacher) to pass on info she should not be sharing info about children she teaches - it is a breach of data protection.
SIL as the adult should be telling the children that she cannot share their info with their grandmother.