To be ashamed of oversharing with children’s school?

Speak to your local domestic abuse service. I did recently and it was so validating. You don’t have to accept support but just telling my story to someone who knows this stuff was so helpful. Painful but helpful.

I have been in a similar position of being a very private person, who has had to "over share" with school, but for different reasons. Part of me hates that so many people know all of the daily struggles (had to tell each new teacher each year as well), however actually school have been incredibly helpful and supportive.
You have nothing at all to be ashamed of, you sound incredible. Your ex on the other hand should absolutely feel ashamed. Be happy in the knowledge that even secretly, those teachers will no longer fall for his 'performance' and be able to see right through him, every time he sets foot on the school grounds.
I'm so sorry that you are in this position, but it won't be forever. One day your children will be grown up and they will understand everything and can make their own judgements, and you will be free to live your life how you choose.

I’m in a very similar situation. I hid it for 17 years but have now started to tell people (including school mums) bits and pieces. I’m friends with one child’s teacher so have told her about a couple of incidents where he has been bullying me. It’s definitely time for shame to switch places. My ex swans around like he’s father of the year, is a high earner and good at convincing people he’s a completely different person.

I’m really sorry to hear about your job. I’m currently trying to rebuild my life too and I’m in a bad financial situation due to the abuse. So I sort of know how you must feel.

I think maybe phoning your local service and see if you can get a face to face appointment, might be worthwhileat least you have the number now, don't give up it is tiny steps but don't give up, you can make small changes that don't seem like you are rocking the boat.

Please do not give up. You are obviously a very strong person, managing to keep all this bottled up for so long, try to imagine what you could do with that strength if you were free of your horrible turd of an ex manipulating and gaslighting you. Phone the local number, tell them that you are not exactly sure of what help you need and let them ask you some questions. They will quickly understand where you are coming from and offer you the help and support you need. It is so worth it. I managed to get 10 free counselling sessions from a local charity a couple of years ago, it took me 9 sessions to admit that my first husband was violent. Turned out that was an automatic trigger for 6 extra sessions! All in all it was very helpful and gave me new insights into how things affect me etc. I have felt much more peaceful since and the effect is lasting.

You could go on again and say something like being harrased. By ex abusive husband and looking for advice.

You are not stupid, did it give you options on the chat?

Don't worry love. You can say you don't know and you don't have to know exactly what type of help you need (practical, emotional). Please call!🩷

Good god. Dumbest advice ever to someone stuck in an abusive relationship where in time as the kids get older they may actually be at risk, and mum already is. Give your head a damn shake, then sit down and shut up from being the abuser's ideal person. The one that advises silence and secrets.

Sorry this happened op

absolutely stop meeting up with him, do it all by email

Could we not just use a trebuchet to propel them into the nearest active volcano? Would save time, expense and our mental health. I would love to do it to my ex even though I haven't had anything to do with him in 25 years!

Don't let him do this to you. He's playing with your head to control you.

Take the The Freedom Programme Online Course https://share.google/bTMur2EZYEdEvwSPT

Keep logs and report anything new.

What a horrible man, can abuse you then gaslight you into silence. He is clearly fearful that you will find your voice, and the ramifications of that. Women's aid are trained and set up to believe women, they know what it takes to come forward and speak about these things. They know how dangerous and damaging abuse is for women, and they know you will only want to put your children's needs first. I know you have mentioned that you don't have funds for therapy but I hope one day you get a flipping good one who can break this down and show you how little this is your fault.

As a teacher i can tell you that school will be nothing but supportive in your situation.

Oh lovey what a disgusting man he is,they will believe you.

@Itsfinallyspring I didn't notice in your posts, but have you spoken to womens aid at any time? They can help you navigate things and won't try and push you into anything.

I see i have cross posted with others, it is worth considering i think. You can email them.

It's great you have a little more time and distance to figure things out. You have suffered horrendous abuse even after you left your husband. I think others have mentioned Women's Aid, but that might be a good place to start. Having constant money worries must be horrendous, but you need to stop thinking your children are being harmed by this, especially it being recorded at school. Children's outcomes are shaped by many factors, and having a present and emotionally available mother is a huge win for them. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and good luck.

Nobody at the school is going to be judging you. The person you disclosed it to probably wonders if they missed any signs with you and how they can better support you going forward so that you're not dealing with everything alone.

Please don't be hard on yourself because you've clearly had so much trauma and it's ongoing. You're doing great with your children x