DS playing daddy to his new gfs 4yo

Do you think he might go to uni and work?

I hope your grandchild has a man who is involved in her life. Honestly amazed that of all the things you have to worry about, your son babysitting his girlfriend’s child is your focus. Yes make sure he has access to contraception and yes to offering suggestions about ways to spend time with a toddler… but the biggest issue here is your deadbeat son. Your younger son will absolutely know that he can impregnate whoever and it won’t necessarily change his life at all. It’s the women left holding the babies. Your older son is the problem here, for everyone.

I think his brother had a child at 17 but is at uni and only sees child Easter/summer/ Christmas

The thread may not be about your eldest, but it certainly is about your attitude towards other people being young parents.

Glass ceilings and all that.

It’s one thing that his gf has a child, but she seems really irresponsible to leave her child with your son so soon after starting a relationship with him. He is as bad for not seeing that as an issue. Poor child in the middle of that.

Most 18 year old lads wouldn’t be interested in a woman with a child, never mind be willing to look after the child, so I’d be questioning why he wants to. Does he have friends? What is your home life like? Does he have career plans? Plans to see the world? Is he going to uni soon?

Hopefully he’ll come to his senses quickly and realise he doesn’t want to be involved in raising someone else’s child when he’s barely finished being a child himself and that there is more to life.

My BIL.met his wife when he was 19 and she was 18 and she had a 2 year old. Theyre now in their 60s. The 2 year old boy has kids in their late teens and the only dad he's ever known is my BIL. It's a bit different because my nephew looks like the milky bar kid and his dad looks like Seal, but they are definitely father and son.

Lol anyone getting pregnant by a 15 year old can hardly complain if the result isn't a father of the highest calibre. Even if its another 15 year old.

My two takeaways from your posts, OP:

1. 18 IS an adult
2. your biggest problem here is your other son not bothering to see his daughter at weekends.

OPs other son had a girl at 16.

OP, you sound very judgmental of the young Mum but same issue is acceptable for son.

I wouldn’t wish it on anyone to be a parent at 16 but you can’t be such a hypocrite.

He does though.

I don't think there's a lot you can do.
I completely agree with you though. I have an 18 year old ds and the last thing I'd want is him playing 'dad' to a girlfriend's child.
Their immaturity shows because they are clearly unable to recognise how this could impact the 4 year old.

Some of the comments on here are just about kicking the Op. Nasty.

In some ways it’s nice that young men aren’t put off by kids and women/girls that have them early.
However I also think there’s not a lot you should be doing here as they do have their own lives and their own mistakes.

Have you talked to them together? I think getting to know the girlfriend, understanding she’ll have given up opportunities to have a child and that your son and her need lives and careers for the sake of the kids ( not more kids and benefits).
No WWE wrestling- wholesome activities only at yours

Is this ideal? No. But there’s nothing you can do.

But you absolutely need to stay out of it. Or do you want to drive him away? Drive him closer to being a stepdad / to living with his girlfriend etc?
Because that’s the likely outcome of you trying to oppose this. So make your home an inviting place, don’t make your son feel judged, support his academic endeavours and uni… and stay out of this! (and maybe gently emphasise the importance of using protection. Your older DS might be the better choice for this, however…)

oh, and don’t forget that there’s a slim chance that this relationship is indeed “it” for your DS / that they’ll end up being in a long term relationship. You wouldn’t want to have a bad relationship with our future DIL 🤷‍♀️

So yes it’s a different situation and not relevant at all so please stop derailing the thread its not about my eldest

It is relevant though, as you and your family have normalised children having babies and it’s seen as acceptable. That is then relevant to suggestions you are asking people to give re your second son’s current situation.

You have bigger problems than your Son's girlfriend. Read back what you've just written before you judge anyone else on their parenting.

What a mess.

I so completely agree but the danger comes from the male, not so much the female.

If this is what OP is concerned about then she is concerned that her own son will harm the child and therefore thinks SS should be involved.

But I do not actually think OP believes the child is at risk from her son.
She is just disappointed that he’s a stepdad at such a young age and is worried about him being trapped.

It’s hard to be supportive of OP when she has another son with a child and his gfs parents will be thinking the same about him. It’s even worse as he barely sees the child too.

Its contradictory to worry about 1 son’s relationship but not the other, when the other is the 1 with the actual child.

The fact you raised your child independently from your parents is not something all young people can do, how many grandparents have to have them living with them because children have ''accidents'' it is not fair on grandparents but do children ever think of that when they want to play happy families?

I would be heartbroken if my DD was playing step mum to a child at that age and I completely understand your concerns.
It is also way too soon to have introduced a child to your son.

However, there is literally nothing you can do about it.
If you think they’ll separate soon (because that’s your concern for the child) then leave them be.

You and their dad do need to take some accountability for the fact that one didn’t use protection and got someone pregnant so young and now barely a sees the child and the other met his new gfs baby after literally a matter of weeks - neither son is looking great right now.

There is literally nothing you can do.
Even if your DS was a DD, you wouldn’t be able to stop her from seeing him.

There will be a mum saying the same thing about her DD dating your other son who has a child with someone else.

I would be gutted if this was my DD but this doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

I had a child young and whilst my friends were out doing drugs and potentially messing up their lives in other ways, I had my head screwed on and was more sensible and stable that most of the other girls my age.

Do not say anything to your son as this will only have the opposite effect.
Be supportive and be there for him if it all goes wrong.

“I imagine it would be very different if it was an 18 yo girl playing mummy”

well, if you want to play the double standards game, I imagine you would feel very differently about a young woman having a child she barely sees because she is at university.

you can’t pull the double standards card when you quite clearly live by it yourself.

It is all well and good saying the grown ups should stay out of it yet when the children have endless issues it is always the grown ups that have to fix it and pick up the pieces, and of course provide childcare for the endless children born in non ideal circumstances..

It would be good if people used their intelligence and stopped using their parents as a crutch and stand by their decisions but sadly the real world is not like that as as usual children end up suffering time and time again or the overun social services

This place is nuts. If a 35+ year old, solvent woman poster hints at her boyfriend, of six months, even being in her children's company, she gets shot down in flames, but teenagers playing house is fine. New boyfriends are bloody dangerous for children under 10, she's put her child at massive risk, so you are right to be concerned. You've had the contraceptive chat, that's all you can do.
However, if the child is brought to your house, you can insist on appropriate childcare. I don't know WWE, but wrestling used to be a family show, because it isn't real. I wouldn't allow a pre school child to be exposed to other, adult games. Keep talking, ask about their plans re days out, make suggestions. You'll get a picture of what her life is like. You can be non critical and interested, without encouraging, as such. She might be what he wants, time will tell. Most of us wouldn't want our 18 year olds making life decisions based on a b/g friend, regardless of the replies you've had. Don't behave in a way that will push him to her place.

Are they being cared for properly

Reporting her to social services is vindictive

Your teen son had sec with an older girl as his mates egged him on then she got preg

obv mates didn’t tell him to use a condom - are your sure baby is his ? DNA test ?

do you see a lot of your grandaughter and support the mum ?

yes in an ideal world as together 3mths the child shouldn’t have even met your son but thy have

I can see your youngest getting her preg so have another chat about contraception