DS playing daddy to his new gfs 4yo

So basically the OP had concerns about her son being introduced to the child too quickly and wanted to report the mum to social services because of this? She had to be reported. Whereas her other son actually got someone pregnant at 15 and the girl was also underage?

Why would she not be able to fund her son through uni? Plenty of students get loans. People are assuming that he's away at uni doing his best for his child - the one he rarely sees?

@PlumPuddingPonderer29 at 18 I was effectively groomed by a man with 3 kids to 3 different women who all had varying degrees of mental health issues and vulnerability, leaving my ex as the only parent to his children, along side his controlling and enabling mother. I “played mummy” to those kids before getting pregnant with my own child to this man. The kids were much better cared for by me than their father but the reality of my situation was some grown man groomed me and manipulated me into staying because his kids needed me. Once I was pregnant he became dreadful. I think he presumed a baby would trap me. It didn’t. But the reason I say this is once I ended it the kids lost their mum as he refused to let them see me. He made out I was a monster who abandoned them and it wasn’t until many years later that they realised that I myself was still so young. My now adult DC thinks their dad is a “bit noncey” and thats a direct quote.
I am telling you this because I can see you’re desperate for the child involved to not get abandonment issues from your DS who is just swept up in his first romance and is of an age he isn’t likely to commit long term but is probably thinking he is going to because it’s his first relationship. I don’t think you can do anything, my mother couldn’t and I was 18 with a man in his 40s. It must have been hard for her to deal with that. I see your concerns are around safety and the long term implications on the future of this child. I don’t think you’re judging her for being a young mum, it’s simply you know with the experience of age yourself that allowing your son or any man to care for her dc unattended is hugely irresponsible. At 20 we don’t have the life experience of realising how manipulative predators are and we aren’t as cut throat as we are at say 30 about our children’s safety. I ended up a single mum very young and my now husband who has been the greatest stepfather I could have asked for my son would babysit him so I could have a bath and wash my hair or have a little sleep. But I wonder would I have allowed that if I hadn’t have known DH? If he was new friend? And I was so young I didn’t have the foresight to think that someone who seemed to want to help me was actually a danger to my DS. It just wasn’t on my radar as where now I have matured I feel so lucky my DH was trying to get into my pants and not those of my child which doesn't bear thinking about but could have genuinely been the case!
I was and more importantly my son were very lucky that my DH had good intentions. Not all men do as we see time and again in the news when mums get with men who kill and abuse children. I understand they aren’t the concerns you have around your own DS but you have those concerns if the child was left around a predator, who presented as a nice guy.
I don’t know what you can realistically do here, maybe it won’t fizzle out and this won’t end in heartbreak. But I see your concerns and worries as more than judgement of a young mum. I hope that it works out the best way it can for all involved 💐

Gosh everyone is being so judgemental. Op the situation is not really one that people can off much advice on. Your son has unfortunately met the child and formed a relationship. Perhaps it would be best to offer support instead of being down on him. If he is still with this girl in 5 or 10 years at least you can say you were there for them. Or if by being supportive it fizzled out, as you maybe hope your son will come to you just for support. The way its going just now you're driving him away. As for playing video games when he was looking after her that's not on. But it does seem a case of letting it go without saying anything. I hope you get to see your grandchild. Good luck

Gosh everyone is being so judgemental. Op the situation is not really one that people can off much advice on. Your son has unfortunately met the child and formed a relationship. Perhaps it would be best to offer support instead of being down on him. If he is still with this girl in 5 or 10 years at least you can say you were there for them. Or if by being supportive it fizzled out, as you maybe hope your son will come to you just for support. The way its going just now you're driving him away. As for playing video games when he was looking after her that's not on. But it does seem a case of letting it go without saying anything. I hope you get to see your grandchild. Good luck

You really don't know much about people who grow up in single parent families if your take is that people who grow up without a father don't have a good life. Hugely judgemental comment

Open university is absolutely great, it really is, however, it's really better for a healthy 18-year-old boy to get out into the world and actually go to university.

He's not at uni. He's doing A levels. Her other son is away at uni

its not ideal but it’s better than your other son becoming a father at 15 and not seeing much of his child I guess.

You can ban the GF’s kid from your house but that’s it.

BTW how is 18 too young to ‘play daddy’ but 15 is fine to actually become a father ?

The OP has said her son who has a child is already away at uni just now and rarely sees his child

If I were you, I would take a step back and stop trying to control the situation or you risk losing him.
Just show him that you're there for him if he needs to talk and while you're not overjoyed about the situation, you support him and are willing to help him with any decisions should he need you to.
As he is only in his first year of uni, this relationship is unlikely to last anyway.

The only thing you can do is to support your DS and try to stay close to him. You cannot change his mind and you can't control who he spends his time with. Push him to leave her and you'll push him away. You've asked for advice but there isn't really anything you can do to stop this. It is his life and at 18 he is young but (if not to you) is classed as an adult.

Your mindset is the only thing you can be in control of in this situation. Can you get to know his new gf and her DC? Welcome them and show your DS that you just want him to be happy. It may not be the life you want for him but it's the one he has chosen for now. Don't push him away and don't drive yourself mad trying to get him to stop this relationship. Love him and try to understand his feelings in all this.

I said it's probably too late for this boy's life too be good.
I stand by that statement.
Exceptions always exist.

okay? Open uni is available, as are other online options

He lives at home by the sounds of it

It’s more concerning that she’s left her child alone with a man she’d only known for a few months…

Everything else aside, why did he bring his gf's son to your house rather than be with him where he lives?

Especially as it was because the little boy had been ill!

I think it's difficult, and no-one would be happy about the situation either.Really though what to do.Does he still see friends at all.its most likely that they will split up and yes the little boy will be upset. Sadly as an adult your sons life all you can do is be there if they do split. Not ideal but his life!

What makes you think that a father would sort this situation out? National service? So you are basically suggesting that women with young kids shouldn't have relationships? Yes?

Too late for this lads life to be good? Are you being serious? You're suggesting that anyone without a father figure in their life won't have a good one? I had better tell that to my degree educated brother with a full time job.

I did need to read it again! All the teenage parents got me confused.

regardless she wasn’t 18 so younger than the OPs son is now. It’s potentially not a great situation for sure but I still think the older son is the issue here.

I know right!!

OP has made me aware that clever educated boys can be really stupid too!

Seriously is this a joke?
Who in their right mind would be encouraging an 18-year-old boy to stay in this situation?
I admit that given the overall history described here it's probably too late for this lad's life to be good (exceptions exist but not the norm) but encouraging this?

Makes me wish for the return of National Service. Some guys really do require a substitute dad in their lives, sadly.

A 15 year old girl isn't a woman, she's a child. And yeah, I dont think children should be having children - I think its a terrible idea and one which typically has poor outcomes. But if a girl chooses to continue the pregnancy I think it's entirely appropriate to point out to her that she'll likely be parenting alone because children make crappy parents.

Your son sounds like a deadbeat whi needs to make more of an effort to see his own daughter. Worry about that more.

Sorry what - so women have to stay in miserable relationships as long as they aren't being abused so that a child has their father around? Some fathers aren't positive role models whether they are separated or not.