DS playing daddy to his new gfs 4yo

I can see your concern, absolutely. But as sad as it is for this child when the relationship inevitably goes south, and he loses a father figure, I can't see how it's your problem. This child, and his mother, is nothing to do with you.

I suspect, deep down, you're worried about history repeating itself, and you having another son out there, creating kids he's got no interest in. Especially as your other son is such a poor example of fatherhood.

I get that, which is why i was highlighting she’s out here pointing fingers when maybe she should be looking at her son and his parenting choices. Which are essentially… not parenting.

I agree…………….. but he does have a child.

What is it about then

Oh no it's not just about his looks.

Because single women with kids won't attract a good looking guy

What do you mean boring and exciting and not good looking ? Why not good looking ?

Or children with one parent who cares about them when the other doesn't

Going to the hairdressers perhaps?? 🤣🤣

Yes. Because its well known that women who have kids will have to settle for older boring and not so nice looking men - because that's all they can get. Because they have a child

You are wholly wrong.
Children whose parents separate and co parent amicably and consistently do far better then children growing up in a household with rowing/atmosphere/no love/parents not sharing the load/absent parenting/abuse etc you know, the people who "stay for the children" 🙄

Children need to feel safe and feel loved. They dont feel these things in a home where their primary care givers despise each other.

Children with two happy separated parents do better

I agree. There are decent, stable, usually a bit older, men, who may make a suitable father figure for her child.
She may have to look a bit further afield to find such a guy and be very discerning.

They may be boring and not exciting and perhaps not the best-looking men but it's her best option given the circumstances.
Hanging around with an 18-year-old boy isn't a good idea.

I think it's reasonable that you think it's a shit situation, OP. It will be confusing for the child involved if your son and his girlfriend break up and he disappears from the child's life.

That said, truly what could you do? I understand that you don't view your son as an adult while he's still at school but legally he is. He can make his own decisions and mistakes. And while his behaviour is stupid and unfair to the child, it's not illegal.

I think that having said your piece you just have to leave them to make their own mistakes.

You cant stop them from having relationships. But you can educate them and set boundaries and examples of healthy relationships from when they are young to help them with their choices.
Safe sex for example?
Having own boundaries and being able to make the right (and often more difficult choice) for example if you are sitting exams you really should be focusing on those rather than babysitting a 4 year old child playing WWE games.

There are always plenty of opportunities to stray, make a wrong choice, be reckless etc, for anyone....children need to be guided and educated and supported when they are younger to see that 16/17/18 is not the time for serious relationships its the time for investing in their future.

Yes have fun, but not serious relationships like these two lads embarked on.

Youre right in some respects.
No he shouldnt have met her child this early. No he shouldnt be taking care of her child alone, this early.
Yes, he is very young, but so is she.

Theyre going to make mistakes, which is unfortunate for the child, and is concerning given that these mistakes leave her child open to being extremely vulnerable to a lot of really bad situations should the people she leaves him with not be trustworthy.

I was 20 when i had a 3 year old and met my ex. He met my daughter pretty quickly, and its something i look back at in my 30s and go, what on earth was i thinking?
Anything bad couldve happened. I didnt leave DD with him until 9 or 10 months in but he was around us, in our house from early on. I think I was incredibly fortunate.
He was however a really good influence on her life. He stuck around, and even after we separated 2 years ago, he still views himself as her Dad.

If you have concerns, speak with them.
This will either fall apart or she may be around for a long time with her child.
If shes around and you cant soften to the idea, your relationship with your son will become damaged.

Oh sorry yeah I got the sex of the kid wrong.

He has a daughter

Well.. no the other son doesn't have a son at all..

Yes the other one does. That he never sees and he was a dad at 16!

Yeah I bet you aren't.

Right OK. All the evidence suggests that children of single parents fare worse than those whose parents stay together. Particularly boys.
This is not about individual examples, this is about the overall picture.
I'm not going to discuss this any further.

For taking the child to Edinburgh overnight to see the Ops ex with the OPs son I presume

How can you stop an 18 year old having a relationship?

Report her? Poor girl! For what exactly? 😂

My father walked out on me. My mum didn't try and keep him away from me. It was his choice. With respect - the worst thing I can think of is "sticking it out". My friends dad was an alcoholic. Another girl from school had parents who hadn't spoken a word to one another in 17 years