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Original poster

DS playing daddy to his new gfs 4yo

289 replies

PlumPuddingPonderer29 · 29/03/2026 23:03

My youngest is 18, he turned 18 in September sostill in college doing his A levels.

In November he announced he had a gf, she was 20, she's now 21 and had a 3, now 4 year old. The child's dad isn't involved apparently. I wasn't pleased at all especially as this is his first relationship and he doesn't seem mature enough to play daddy to someone else’s child and I don't think it's appropriate he's involved with the child already as the poor child will be so confused if he just vanishes esp if bio dad isn't involved already. I personally split with his (and his brother's) dad when they were 11 and 12 and I have had relationships but not introduced them and they are older than 3/4.

He goes to her flat a lot (hasn't stayed overnight yet though) and back in Feb when it was half term, the child had been sick the day before but was better but still couldn't go to nursery because of the 48hr rule and I think she had a hair appointment or something so ds had him in our house and spent the time playing videogames (WWE so not exactly appropriate around a just turned 4yo). They'd only been together for 3 months.

I have spoken to him about making sure he uses protection and he rolled his eyes and said that's none of my business. He said his brother became a dad abut 3 weeks before he turned 17 and I didn't say he was too young but granddaughter is his daughter not anyone else’s so he's always going to be in her life even though he isn't with her mum anymore but it won't be the case for ds. I still do think he is too young as he's now in his first year of uni, granddaughter is 3 and he hardly sees her and doesn't make the effort at weekends but that'a another issue.

DS is now saying he plans on going on the train to Edinburgh (we're in Manchester ) to introduce his dad to his gf and the child at some point during the Easter holidays (he breaks up on Thursday) and that's just totally inappropriate to me

I don't know what to do. I'm in 2 minds whether to report the gf to social services but they won't do anything and the I know that's bu

Happy to answer any questions

OP posts:
rainbowunicorn · 30/03/2026 00:34

canuckup · 30/03/2026 00:23

He's 18, has a child that he doesn't see, but is playing father to a child that isn't his??

Is that the crux of it?

No.

SALaw · 30/03/2026 00:33

canuckup · 30/03/2026 00:23

He's 18, has a child that he doesn't see, but is playing father to a child that isn't his??

Is that the crux of it?

You need to try reading again. The OP’s post really is quite clear.

EvieBB · 30/03/2026 00:33

Lemonfrost · 29/03/2026 23:15

Stay out of it. He is an adult and whatever your opinion, it’s nothing to do with you.

It's a bit to do with her if her son is still living in her house

Anewerforest · 30/03/2026 00:30

canuckup · 30/03/2026 00:23

He's 18, has a child that he doesn't see, but is playing father to a child that isn't his??

Is that the crux of it?

No, there are 2 sons. The older one has a child. The younger one has a gf with a child.

Rhubarb24 · 30/03/2026 00:30

canuckup · 30/03/2026 00:23

He's 18, has a child that he doesn't see, but is playing father to a child that isn't his??

Is that the crux of it?

No. He's playing step dad to his girlfriend's 4 year old boy.

His elder brother is an absent father (away at uni) to his own daughter.

ArtAngel · 30/03/2026 00:30

I wouldn’t be comfortable with any of this either, OP.

But is he really ‘playing Daddy’? He goes to her flat but doesn’t stay overnight, and has babysat the child once.

And lots of teens babysit, not sure what the big risk is in him caring for the child for a few hours.

What are his plans after A levels? Does he want to go to Uni?

Hopefully his future plans will take over.

Trying to put him off the relationship will presumably just antagonise him - and her.

Did you really not say his older brother was too young to have a baby at 15? Can you talk to him about how it really isn’t ideal for babies to have Dads who are not paying for their maintenance or investing time into bring fathers and you would love to see him get his exams, go to Ini (if that is his plan) have time to enjoy being a young adult and getting a good income before taking on responsibility as a father.

Maybe his own Dad will help.

SALaw · 30/03/2026 00:29

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 29/03/2026 23:12

OP son doesn’t have a son

Show quote history

Did you read the post?! It is set out very clearly in that.

Original poster
PlumPuddingPonderer29 · 30/03/2026 00:27

Rewis · 30/03/2026 00:04

You're right, she shouldn't have introduced her new bf to her child so quickly. It has happened. Your son propabky isn't mature enough to be a step-dad. Very few 18yo are. You can report this to social services but unless your son has some issues that are likely affecting the child, introducing new bf too soon is not a reason to take children into care.

There is nothing you can do anymore other than tell him to use condoms (which you did) and encourage him to be a good partner for as long as they are together.

As for your other son. Not sure how he is different from this girl and her ex.

Ok this is the last I'm going to say on the matter as it's not why I posted. We live in a rough area and DS started hanging around with some dodgy older boys and yes when I found out I did try to stop it. Granddaughters mum is a few years older than DS but at the time he was saying she was his gf, he wasn’t forced or anything (he was asked by social services) but then they broke up when he was 17 and told me that his ex wanted to have sex with him and the other lads were sort of coercing him/bigging him up and he felt he had to because he didn’t want to embarrass himself and he felt pressured and then they started a relationship when she found out she was pregnant. I dont blame her as she was in care and also vulnerable, she’s a good mum etc. He’s away at uni trying to do well for himself and in turn his daughter. I would like him to see her more but i can’t force him to come home at weekends.

So yes it’s a different situation and not relevant at all so please stop derailing the thread its not about my eldest.

OP posts:
canuckup · 30/03/2026 00:23

He's 18, has a child that he doesn't see, but is playing father to a child that isn't his??

Is that the crux of it?

AnotherDogWontHurt · 30/03/2026 00:14

I’d be really concerned if this was my son. There is no way I’d want my child playing some sort of parent figure at that age. Encourage him to focus on school, planning for uni, going out with friends etc. Being ‘dad’ to someone else’s child at that age is far from ideal.

Lavenderandbrown · 30/03/2026 00:12

None of it is ideal OP and I get your worries…
your son was way to young to be a dad and it’s difficult logistically to see his dc. Try to see dc yourself and keep in contact with the mum. Hopefully he won’t have anymore dc for a good while.
your other son is too young to be a stepdad but he does seem to enjoy the boy? It’s too soon for the boy to be meeting anyone but it’s done now. Make it pleasant / fun for the little guy and he will have a pocket of happiness being around you all. If they break up they break up and good job reminding him to be careful with protection. Her child doesn’t need a sibling just yet. But for the now you all can make one day out of many a good day for the little guy.

Overtheatlantic · 30/03/2026 00:05

For everyone saying it’s not the OP’s business I’m assuming you’ve never had to pick up the pieces and financially support family members who make bad decision after bad decision. It becomes your business when there is a child involved who doesn’t deserve to suffer. Honestly.

Franjipanl8r · 30/03/2026 00:05

If you’re hoping your kids don’t become young parents, that ship’s sailed I’m afraid. Absolutely nothing you can do now.

Rewis · 30/03/2026 00:04

You're right, she shouldn't have introduced her new bf to her child so quickly. It has happened. Your son propabky isn't mature enough to be a step-dad. Very few 18yo are. You can report this to social services but unless your son has some issues that are likely affecting the child, introducing new bf too soon is not a reason to take children into care.

There is nothing you can do anymore other than tell him to use condoms (which you did) and encourage him to be a good partner for as long as they are together.

As for your other son. Not sure how he is different from this girl and her ex.

Original poster
PlumPuddingPonderer29 · 30/03/2026 00:00

As I've said twice now I know it's unreasonable to be thinking of social services and I won't... I wasn't even going to before I posted I just thought about it for a small second

And again with regards to my eldest being a dad it's a totally different situation, he does see her but not often as he's away at uni and doesn't come home for weekends but when he's home for holidays he does see her as much as her mum allows. It's not relevant to this post at all I only added it because youngest DS said that we'll he's old enough to be a dad. Wish I hadn't now as I'm being piled on by posters who don't know the situation AT ALL and I don't need their advice about that. It's not ehybim posting

I imagine if it was an 18yo girl playing mummy to her new bfs 4yo the replies would be veryyy different Confused

And no ones offered any actual advice apart from “stay out of it” when it's under my roof he's brought him here (which I didn't know about until after when I got home and saw them)

OP posts:
AlwaysLookOnTheBrightSideOfLife · 29/03/2026 23:55

I hope this is bollocks, but on the off-chance...I find your thinking odd. There is no difference between an 18yo at 6th form and the same age at university and it clearly didn't make 'D'S1 anymore responsible.
You've had 'the chat' with DS2, that's about all you can do. I'd be far more concerned about DGC than a stranger whose life you cannot realistically do anything about.

Peacemirl · 29/03/2026 23:53

I understand some of your concerns but social services??! Seriously??! You really need to get a grip.

Lemonfrost · 29/03/2026 23:48

PlumPuddingPonderer29 · 29/03/2026 23:23

To me he isn't an adult, he's still at school, just because he's 18 doesn't making him an adult. There's a difference between being 18 still being in school/college and 18 away at uni. There's 11 months between my ds’s so I've witnessed it. Eldest and his friends were and are at completely different stages to youngest

I'm not judging her for being a young mum, yes my eldest ds was a dad a few weeks before he turned 16 but that was a totally different situation to this. I just think it's inappropriate that the poor child will lose another dad when they split up. And 3 months in he shouldn't even have met him let alone looked after him alone. He seemed to meet him straight away with going to her flat etc. They only started dating in November when he told me.

I said I know it's unreasonable to be thinking of Ss and I won't obviously.

Being 18 DOES make him an adult, however you may feel about it.

nocoolnamesleft · 29/03/2026 23:38

I'd probably concentrate more effort on trying to get your other son to step up for his child.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 29/03/2026 23:37

Have you got a good relationship with your other son's ex, so that you can see your grand-daughter?

I am sure you've tried to her your son to be a better father to the little girl.

ChickenBananaBanana · 29/03/2026 23:30

McSpoot · 29/03/2026 23:25

Unlike your own granddaughter who only lost her own father?

I know right. "The circumstances were different" yeah it's ops son so it's okay to be a 15 year old deadbeat dad 🙄🙄

pinkyredrose · 29/03/2026 23:29

I'd be more concerned about your other son ignoring his own child.

McSpoot · 29/03/2026 23:25

Unlike your own granddaughter who only lost her own father?

Original poster
PlumPuddingPonderer29 · 29/03/2026 23:23

To me he isn't an adult, he's still at school, just because he's 18 doesn't making him an adult. There's a difference between being 18 still being in school/college and 18 away at uni. There's 11 months between my ds’s so I've witnessed it. Eldest and his friends were and are at completely different stages to youngest

I'm not judging her for being a young mum, yes my eldest ds was a dad a few weeks before he turned 16 but that was a totally different situation to this. I just think it's inappropriate that the poor child will lose another dad when they split up. And 3 months in he shouldn't even have met him let alone looked after him alone. He seemed to meet him straight away with going to her flat etc. They only started dating in November when he told me.

I said I know it's unreasonable to be thinking of Ss and I won't obviously.

OP posts:
McSpoot · 29/03/2026 23:22

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 29/03/2026 23:12

OP son doesn’t have a son

Show quote history

No, but he has a daughter (a
child, as the post said). One that he doesn’t bother seeing, per the OP. The OP’s other son.

There is nothing for you to report, OP.

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