DS playing daddy to his new gfs 4yo

I’d be worrying about your son that already has a kid and not the one who is an adult who’s girlfriend has a kid.

Im baffled he thought it was acceptable to go away to uni instead of to a local one he could commute to.

Well it's not just unreasonable, it is completely pointless as she has done nothing wrong. You are being a bit silly I'm afraid.

@PlumPuddingPonderer29 do you have three sons, or two? I’m a bit confused.

It sounds like your other son(s?) became a dad at a younger age than your son is now, so he’s replicating what he sees around him. Is there a male role model in his life that you can ask to talk with him?

He should make an effort to see her more, but hopefully he’ll be able to provide a better life with more money by going to university longer term.

One who he doesn’t see even though according to op he’ll “always be in her life”.

So your son chose university over his own daughter? Despicable

Lucky for you that you clearly grew up in a nice area. I grew up in the Welsh valleys and the number of girls in my year who had babies before we left school was definitely into double figures. I assume that you are judging OP’s parenting here. I knew plenty of lovely families whose children had children young or who got into drugs etc. It’s a consequence of living in an area of high poverty.

Only on mumsnet do I see people who’ve clearly lived very sheltered lives!

OP, you can’t do anything here. It’s sad for the child that by introducing so early he’s likely to be very confused in future (if they break up) by men coming and going, as well as being at high risk if he’s left alone with a violent partner. But you can’t control the way she lives her life. I would take a step back and let them carry on, it will either fizzle out or turn into a long term relationship and you can’t influence that.

lol. He’s 18. Why would she be pleased that her child seem to be playing dad to someone else’s kid when he’s only just become an adult himself. He is also involved with a woman who seems completely irresponsible, willing to leave her child with a man she hardly knows. Proud? Definitely not. I’d be very worried.

I’d be horrified if this was my only just adult child playing dad to someone else’s child. It’s really not the life an 18 year old should be living. Will he be going to uni soon? Hopefully some distance will split them up. What a nightmare.

The mother of the 4 year old sounds really irresponsible introducing a bf to her child and letting him look after the child alone so soon into the relationship. Poor kid.

I wouldn’t be keeping quiet. We all give our opinions freely in our house and we would be honest with our son that this isn’t a good relationship for him to be in.

You already know you’re BU so won’t comment on that. Advice - keep your opinions to yourself. Your DS is an adult and he’s finding his way through adult relationships. Of course you don’t see it that way, you’re his Mum, but that is the reality. Be there for him, give advice only when asked for, and try and find common ground with GF. Anything else isolates DD and encourages him not to confide in you. And don’t blame a rough area/background/other people for the actions of your children. If they’re old enough to do the deed they’re old enough to take responsibility for their own actions

I was with you up until you said that your other son had already fathered a child at 15/16. Obviously something went quite wrong somewhere for them to both think that it is so normal for teenagers to be running around impregnating/getting pregnant and having children that they are far too young to raise. I know you say you live in a rough area but good grief.

Only on Mumsnet do I see post after post of teenagers having babies.

Oh wow. Just wow. Not in a good way.

You can laugh all you like but for many people, thats all they can do with an 18 year old.

And actually my own children are teens to adults and still come to us for advice and we have always been able to steer them in a good direction as they know we have their best interests at heart. If that’s not the relationship you have though, ion a situation like this, all you can do is try to get them to focus on other things. A friend of mine ‘encouraged’ her 19 year old daughter to have a gap year travelling to get her away from an older bloke with kids that she was dating. Within 2 months of travelling, she’d dumped him and realised there was much more to life than raising someone else’s kids when she was still a teenager herself.

He’s an adult.

You said he was in “college” in your OP, so why is he now in “school”?

You can put a stop your son bringing this child to your home, but apart from that you can’t really dictate who he has a relationship with.

I doubt it will last much longer tbh, especially if he does plan on moving away to uni. He’ll want the single guy uni party lifestyle.

You can only hope it fizzles out when he goes to Uni. Keep reminding him about protection in the mean-time.

I’m very surprised to hear that two boys with ‘brains’ have got themselves stuck with kids from such a young age. I thought this was more for the uneducated.

I always laugh at people who say "encourage your child to..." It's meaningless advice when it's about a 10 year old and their friends it's even less likely when the boy is fucking 18

In some ways it shows what a lovely young man your youngest must be - not many 18 year olds would want to help take care of a young child.

The more you try to make him see that this is probably not the life he should be aiming for, the more he’ll feel pushed towards the girl and he’ll be less likely to end things (until something comes to a head) because he won’t want to hear ‘I told you so.’ So I think the only thing you can really do is talk to him about how adults can go their own way after a relationship and start again with a new partner but for a child if they lose someone who they were close to they might never get over that. So he should think very carefully about whether he wants to be with someone with a child as what will he do if they break up? Would he still want to see the child? If not, perhaps this is not the relationship for him. And then leave him to make his own choices.

But I have an 18 year old and if I came home to find him playing video games and ignoring a young child I would give him a talking to about how that wasn’t appropriate and pointing out the kinds of things he should have been doing with him.

At least one of your sons is acting like a dad ay. Shame it's not the one with a biological child

Exactly what a hypocrite and dont be a bitch and report her to SS that is evil! Just leave them to it they might split up anyway.

But what's the alternative? If she pushes it, he can just move out. It sounds like his dad lives in Scotland, so he won't be going there. He'll go to his girlfriend's. That's what my 18 year old does if we ever disagree on stuff.

Op, there is no advice other than "stay out of it".

Your son is an adult, regardless of what you think. He will make his own decisions regardless of what you do. You have advised him on contraception. Now you have to step back and let your son live his life, or you risk alienating him.

And there are benefits to the situation. Your son will learning that parenting is hard work, he'll learn a lot of basic childcare that few 18yo boys know, and maybe he will put more thought in to becoming a father than either his older brother or his gf.

No