AIBU to ask my mum to stop WhatsApping baby photos?

I very much doubt the people receiving the photos could give a shit about seeing a baby of a friends daughter more than once if that 🤣🤣
Edit, I also just saw update. Very sorry to hear but you should have included more details in your OP as most people would think those original details alone were a bit strange. Much bigger issues going on.

Yes, she's a proud granny! Of course it's your kids your rules but she is respecting what you say about social media. WhatsApp is different I think.
EDIT sorry I just read your update. That does change things, I'm sorry you went through that.

Talk of “my child’s privacy” is complete hypocrisy if you yourself are taking and sharing photo’s.

If someone wants their child to have privacy, then that means privacy from everyone including you.

A child not being able to consent means they can’t consent to any pictures. So if you want that, then you yourself have no right taking pictures of your child because they weren’t able to consent to them.

No? Didn’t think so.

This has nothing to do with consent or privacy and everything to do with control.

This whole notion of parents deciding who and when people can visit/meet/hold the baby. What the baby/child is allowed to do/say/eat/drink growing up. Never exposing their children to any view which isn’t their own so anyone who expresses a different opinion is summarily barred/blocked.

It’s possessiveness/control. Something which nobody would tolerate in an adult relationship but parents view their children as possessions rather than as humans in their own right.

Hence why so many younger teens have so many MH issues and why young adults are struggling, because they’ve never been allowed to think for and be themselves.

cross posted with you , OP, so sorry to hear re the SA. So your relationship will be very complicated with your mum and I imagine having your child will bring it all up again in new ways.

This isn’t a first child thing. It’s a boundaries and decency thing. You’ve asked for it not to happen and it keeps happening. As others have said, one time view pictures from now on.

I totally agree. Given that OP has said that she is a survivor of CSA from the age of five to 13 and that although her mother suspected something, she did absolutely nothing to protect OP her, it is perfectly understandable why OP wishes to take every precaution, even ones that many posters view as extreme, to protect her child.

In the light of OP's childhood abuse, her mum is lucky that OP still has anything to do with her.

I think this is a slightly bigger issue to deal with regarding your relationship, than the post.

The people she sends them to don't care about your random baby either, it's just a proud grandma sharing her joy.

I get baby and pet pics which I delete soon after as I imagine most people do.

That's awful, OP, I'm so sorry you went through that. I completely understand how that would colour your thinking.

Single view photos could be photographed on screen, and sent on.
Unfortunately, even if you gave your parents actual physical photos, they can take a photo of them and send them over WhatsApp.

The only way to 100% guarantee your baby's photos not being shared electronically is not to give them any at all.

And given that your mother allowed your SA to continue for years even though she had her suspicions, she's lucky you haven't gone NC.

💐

OP WhatsApp is end-to-end encrypted, it cant see the photos, you’re not “handing them” to Meta. Why do you think it’s so difficult in investigations to get a hold of messages when owners mysteriously lose their phones? And why governments can’t compel WhatsApp to hand over messages, it isn’t possible unless the owner hands the phone over and grants access.

I'm sorry you experienced that, OP. It explains why you are yanking the chain with your DM on this. But you're picking an odd hill to die on here. WhatsApp is not social media and she is sharing with family.

If someone exploited a baby photo of me or my siblings for porn, I'm not sure any of us would notice. We scratch our head over old photos wondering who it is.

Yes , I genuinely don’t understand why there is a problem with other people she knows seeing photos of your presumably clothed child? Would be different if naked enjoying bath time maybe? Do you put up a screen around your baby when you go out so people can’t see them? What’s the difference?

I agree your child your rules eg for nap routines , not allowing too many sweet treats etc but maybe those are important things and the photo thing is not? How exactly is it going to harm your child if her great aunt or whatever sees a photo of them? Maybe your mum is kind and what’s wrong with brightening an old person’s day with a picture of your cute kid? In any case this is a very new thing and try to talk it through with her so you can both understand why you have different ideas about this.

i know this seems to be the modern way but maybe people need to get a sense of proportion about it and ask if maybe they are being a bit too controlling about it?

when they are older and recognisable, yes, I’d be careful what I shared, but can’t there be some photos it’s ok for her to share?

It doesn't matter whether OP is right or wrong to ask her mum not to forward the pictures. The point is she has expressed a clear wish, which it is her right to do as the parent, and her mum has ignored it. It is an easy rule to follow and following it doesn't make life harder for the grandmother or harm her in any way. Therefore despite her feelings on the matter, and whether or not OP is overreacting to risk, granny is wrong to ignore the rule.

Also, if granny really thinks OP is wrong and feels a genuine need to share the photos, she can discuss it with OP like a grown-up instead of just ignoring her worries.

Ooooooh BIG crime not wanting to see wider family on Christmas Day.

Why is it such a problem? What do you imagine is going to happen? Or is this just part of a wider picture of your Mum stepping over boundaries and you wanting to assert yourself? My advice is pick your battles.

You can’t live your life like that though can you?

worrying Great Aunt Doris may be trading pictures on the dark web all these years

Totally agree

The rational reason is because baby & child images are being sexualised by predators online. Those images are then traded on the dark web and amongst other likeminded people.
OP can’t know who these people are that the images are being sent to, and who has access to their devices.

Only with parental consent, which is the OP's point.

Are you going to be one of the OPs posting in a few years time about how your parents never help with the children and don’t have a relationship with them or seem to care? Because this is where it starts - control and exclusion. Distance because their daughter has too many rules about seeing / looking after the children.

I work with security specialists and hackers - even they’re happy to send WhatsApp photos

People go gaga over babies. Especially grandmothers I've noticed. I don't get it, personally.

most people won’t be interested in a random baby picture.

Then why send them?

Are they though? I've honestly never seen a local paper full of baby photos. I've never been aware of any baby shows either. I'm sure they exist, but I'm not convinced they'd be covered by a local newspaper.

I did think the point was understandable until you suggested that you’d be happy with another messaging app.

Then it just became conspiracy theory nonsense, and not really about privacy at all

as another poster says you have to think about whether the upside of not having a photo sent to distant relatives is worth the consequence of alienating your family.