To be unsure of new DSS set up

Why on earth doesn't his dad take time off to be with his son?

So your partner has lumbered this all onto you? I don't know how these men are so successful at palming off basic parenting of their own children.

You don't need to suck this up. Your partner does.

I cook his dinner every day, do his washing, clean his room, help him with school work, chat to him, give him lifts if required, am the default parent for half the holidays

Why isn't your lazy partner doing this? Working is no excuse. Plenty of parents work and do all this for their children.

What is DP's self employment? If he's an electrician etc I would expect him to take DSS (or actually my own DS!) on as a summer apprentice, it will give him a boost into the working world and make him more employable in a tough market and so good for a lad who seems to be suffering a bit with self esteem/not having a purpose.

I wfh and it is much easier in an empty house. But my teen will be here over summer I just have to accept that. I do go into office an extra day but otherwise it is their home too so not much I can do about it. If it was a step child I would be even more careful they didnt feel unwelcome or that it wasnt their home.

I help with job applications, pay gym membership, insist they get some fresh air and tidy up after themselves

@hackson when does he parent? What did he do before you came on the scene?

His dad is more laid back because he is not actually parenting most of the time. No wonder his dad is thrilled at having his son more. It barely impacts him!

Absolutely this.

The op’s own DS is not a problem, her DSS on the other hand is a deadbeat hanging round the house all day.

No empathy for the fact that he’s been displaced in his mum’s house and resented in hers. Poor sod.

I don't think that poster was implying you are a monster, but I think it's natural to feel some residual anger at these situations if you've been there yourself as a child. I think you're focusing on the wrong thing - surely having him for six weeks rather than three would not be an issue if he were out of the house more? So in my opinion your attitude shouldn't be "he can't come for that long," it should be, "of course he can come, and he follows the house rules which include a summer job/project/volunteering/sports" etc.

I'd say it is fine for him to be there, but he can't keep coming in to where you are working.

On the days you take off to go places with your son, take him along too. If you're cooking or making lunch for yourself, and your son, then include him in that. If you're not, he can cook for himself.

Talk to his dad about a gym or leisure centre membership for him, and a bus pass or whatever.

Does his mum let him stay in his room gaming all day. Perhaps his parents need to communicate. Hes maybe thinking life at dad's is going to be so much easier. If you're wfh and Dss turns into the teenager from hell, its you who will be left to deal with it. Ground rules and expectations need to be set. Good luck

I think if your Dh has agreed to this he needs to put strict rules in place. He cannot be wandering into your workspace and disrupting your work.
I'd get a wedge or lock for the office door at home and use it.
I wonder if his Mum is having him watch the younger child when he's with them and he's fed up of being the babysitter, or doesn't get on as much as you think with the new man in the house.
If he's a generally nice teen and is polite and you like his company, then I'd be fine with it so ling as he sticks to the rules, or gets a summer job.

Go out of of the house?
She's clearly said she WFH...

Go out of the house and leave him to it! You don’t need to do a single thing for him.

Does his dad take no time off at all during the school holidays? That's not really OK if that's the case. His kid might be 16 but he's clearly not ready to just be left to his own devices if all he does is games.

That would be difficult if his mates, network, contacts etc are all 40 minutes away.

I understand where the OP is coming from. Her workplace is her home and she shouldn't have to think about entertaining a 16 year old. She already does a lot for him - more than I did for my own kids when they were at home 😬! OP why not put this on his dad to find ways to keep him occupied?

Can you give him a project to work on - plant a veg garden or decorate a room? Any boot camps he can attend - our local sports centre runs a number of week long sessions in the school holidays. Young driver lessons? Or if there is a large employer in the area there might be summer jobs.

This is a great opportunity to deepen his relationship with his dad and teenage boys so need that support. But it shouldn't be your problem to solve.

@hackson , it will be a lot more that 6 weeks if he's 16, won't it? He'll finish his exams in mid June and be off until September.

As his mother has moved her third (at least) bloke in his home, I can understand why he wants to move to his dad's house. We see endless threads on here about problems with new blokes and teenage boys.

But surely that'd need to happen whether he is there 3 weeks or 6 weeks?

If he’s anything like both of mine were at that age there will need to be serious conversations/warnings about noise levels while he’s gaming and you’re trying to work.

You need to make this clear now, OP, before you’re sprinting upstairs in a meeting break threatening him with dire consequences if he doesn’t stop shouting. I speak from experience.

Does he want to be at yours as there’s a baby at his mums house that he wants space from, or does he want to be at yours so that you will entertain him/drive him places/provide him with expensive snacks for 6 weeks/not make him wash up after himself?

My views would depends on that answers. His dad needs to be having a serious conversation with him about your wants and needs as well. You can’t be WFH and interrupted all day just so that his dad can feel pleased his son wants to stay there (when he’s not having to be interrupted at all).

if you’re feeding him for the whole holiday, where’s the child benefit going-if applicable?