AIBU to try to help my wife lose weight? Somehow.

Actually as she’s at weight watchers, it could be as simple, as saying you’re doing fab, why not make it easier and try those weight loss injections, happy to support.

Is she happy? Do you show her kindness and positive attention? Does she actually want to do all the shopping and cooking? Does she have sufficient time to spend on looking after herself? Is she stressed?

All these questions are more important than whether or not you should tell her to lose weight. Her attendance at WW already indicates she would like to lose weight.

I think realistically the only thing you can say to her is ‘I’m worried about this new back pain/ knee pain. Maybe you need to have a doctor look at it’ then the doc will inevitably mention her weight
km not huge but I had started to put on loads of weight quickly due to depression, my husband braved telling me but he did it in a way of what’s wrong am I doing ok? And how can he help. I was cross and embarrassed but ultimately it was what I needed to sort myself out and now I’m heading in the right direction.

I also think weight loss jabs @HelpMeHelpMyWife .

Exercise is not very effective for losing weight, it can make you feel stronger and enhance willpower, but does very little in terms of weight. Eating is the thing.

I suppose if you go for a walk every time you feel hungry, or want a snack, that would show results.

Does your wife work during the week?

The criteria for a NHS WLI prescription are tight. You need a BMI of 40 and at least 4 weight related conditions, so a person can be several stone into obesity and suffering significant health problems without being eligible. There is of course private prescription, that's what I do as a person who didn't qualify for the NHS, but I don't know if a GP would bring it up.

This is so typical. Potential solution not easy so you back out and won’t even consider talking to her about it? Just “oh she won’t do it”

I agree there may be an emotional basis to the eating - therapy would be the best route. Stop giving money to the WW charlatans.

@HelpMeHelpMyWife can you answer the question re her dress size?

Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with expressing your concerns about her health.

My DH will say something if he thinks I'm getting to engrossed in the news and it is impacting my MH or if he thinks I'm starting to drink a bit too much wine. I have also suggested he eat less processed meat and swapped out a sugary cereal breakfast for something more nutritious.

In all of those examples we each took it onboard and adjusted. It was understood that the other person was coming from a place of caring and concern. He also carries his fair share of the practical and mental load.

We do have a very good, mutually supportive and close relationship. I can see how it could feel like criticism if delivered incorrectly or against a different relational backdrop.

Bag it all up and dump it in the bin. Put your foot down and say ‘this is a no junk food house from this point on’, we’re going healthy, together, as a family!’.

I can imagine how worried you are, OP

I used to know a married couple with a similar dynamic - the wife would let the husband play around with the kids at the park whilst she sat in the car or on a chair next to the car. As she got older she would get him to do lots of stuff around the house so that she didn’t have to get up from her armchair (even things like switching on the light, closing the curtains)

One day she fell over but was too obese to get up and had to wait eight hours for Paramedics. She then spent a couple of years bed bound and died of obese related issues.

All sounds harsh but I’m being realistic about what the dangers are and imagining the sort of worries the OP has. The saddest thing of all is that only SHE can make the changes (as with drug addicts, alcoholics, smokers, etc)

I admit I haven’t RTFT but my honest advice is leave. She is not likely to change and you risk becoming her carer sooner than later.

I’m speaking from experience, this happened to my parents: very active, fit mother and a father who would just sit all day and eat. He can hardly walk now and my mother has to plan her whole life around his needs. Just leave and don’t look back, it’s not worth it.

What is going on in her life? How much stress, sadness or frustration is she dealing with?
What is your relationship like with her?
work on this first.
Then work on having a more active life. More walks, maybe some swimming together. Out on weekends.
Men often find it easier to control their weight because they have the mental space to do it. Women are often overwhelmed.

My sister hit 55 and lost 9 stone in 2 years and has kept it off for years. She’d been very overweight for years and it just hit her one day that she needed to do something. She started walking and counting calories. She hillwalks every weekend now. It’s possible, but she has to do it.

It’s interesting as I’ve seen this posted when a woman posts about a man being over weight, and how she’s worried about his health and doesn’t want sex with him and the answers are all tell him straight.

in this instance, the ops wife is suffering health consequences, and if he no longer finds her physically attractive, that’s ok too, although thays not his reason.

op, don’t involve your child, but you should address it, tell her you’re worried about her as you want her to be around for as long as possible, and if she fancied trying weight loss injections you’d support. And leave it there.

At least 2 of your 4 questions were answered in the OP's first post.

@HelpMeHelpMyWife I am curious as to why she needs to be able to climb a fence ? Are you expecting a gate shortage along with a fuel shortage ?

"Handicapped"...FFS. Don't use that word.

I feel for you OP. A relative of mine could be your wife a few years down the line, just had major joint op and has another 2 scheduled. She suffers with a lot of pain so now movement is a real issue. Having excess weight is complex. Could be preexisting condition, trauma, addiction, low self esteem and more frustratingly the shit they put in food that is literally engineered to make it addictive. In my relatives case, they built a barrier that the mere suggestion of making a plan or anything related to movement or food became immediate shut down. Anyone that shuts down any mention of an issue is in flight mode. My relative is taking steps towards her health now but with the pain levels and loss of some mobility it's a much tougher road ahead.

Telling someone they're going to die early/be disabled is something she lives with already, that's why she shutting it down, fear. Your wife is scared, she needs to talk to a non family member healthcare professional who can find out how she is struggling and what would be her best route to taking control of her health, without judgement and with actual positivity that she can take control. Take some bloods and rule out any underlying conditions, see exactly where she's at healthwise right now. Has she had the over 40s health check avaliable via the NHS yet? Does she have a relationship with her GP? These are the routes I would suggest or maybe some private counseling to start with?

Once she has spoken to someone (whether that's her doctor and/or a mental health profession) she may be able to see a way out and start to feel more comfortable sharing her feelings/fears and not shutting down.

I have so many questions OP, how old is she? How long have you been married? Has she always struggled with her weight? Do you have DC together?
Ive been where your wife is, my husband didn't care whay size I was as long as i was happy, which I wasn't. He never once mentioned it. WLI has saved my life. As long as your concerns come from love instead of criticism, but ultimately shes the one that needs to want to change.

What dress size is she?

Definitely the health angle is the one to take, but ultimately we can't make other people change.

WW being Weight Watchers? If so, that would be like turkeys voting for Christmas! Their whole business model worked for a long time because on a population level, for people who are already obese dieting doesn't work in the long term. People are more likely than not to put the weight back on. They and the likes of Slimming World are now suffering because of WLIs.