AIBU to try to help my wife lose weight? Somehow.

Weight watchers or any of the similar schemes don’t work because essentially diets don’t work, long term, for the large majority. Once you are obese, very very few people manage to lose the weight and maintain that loss in the long term eg 5 years plus. How long have you maintained your 3 stone weight loss @HelpMeHelpMyWife?

Maybe the poor woman doesn't want to use weight loss injections!

You do know there were obese people then too?

@HelpMeHelpMyWife

She shops, she cooks

What do you do? Other than act like a great oracle because you lost some weight.

The reason the ww meetings don’t work is because you have to actually do the diet, not just turn up for the meetings.

would the weigh loss injections be an option?

could you afford the injections privately ?

Sorry, bit if you’re as obese as OP implies then it’s easy to lose some.

Tell her you want a divorce. Most effective diet plan ever.

Only half joking. She might be happier.

As username suggests I have beef in this game…
I can assure you she is very aware of being overweight and is quite possibly desperate to be out of pain and in better health but it’s such a complicated issue.
For women of her age it’s can be very hard to
lose weight, complications with hormones fuelled by the menopause that men just don’t have.
I had a male colleague who made 1 change - cut sugar from his coffee and lost 2 stone in a few months! still ate the same, still drank pints etc, if only it was so bloody easy for me!
and stop talking to other people about it, this will not help and in fact could hinder the problem.
And I might add that a big contribution to my weight gain was 10 years in a thoroughly miserable marriage. Just saying….

How did you address your weight? Do you cook separately? Do you exercise? Can you involve her in your methods? YANBU but dont bring your daughter into this. Invite your wife to join you in exercise or healthy eating, take the health angle, say youre scared you'll lose ger, you want a long and happy retirement of n active adventures with her

There is nothing you can/should do about it. It's her body, her decision and she will make changes if/when she is ready.

a) It's not that easy at 51 if you're female
b) If it was, she'd be 3 stone lighter
c) She knows she's overweight
d) You're entitled to your view but not to talk, behind her back to all and sundry
e) Unspoken tuts are still audible to the recipiant and not having her back is detrimental
f) Nothing in your post about her state of mind or if she is happy?

I'm pretty expert on this shit and it's really not that easy. My DH can drop weight really easily, the rest of us struggle. I'd shut up, if I was you.

YANBU at all but it sounds like she doesn't want help and doesn't want to help herself

I've had to be very brutal with myself over the last year and ended up having a sleeve. I had made myself disabled too.

my husband has had to make changes and I'm helping him
and we're doing it together. I told him I was scared to have sex with him one night in add he had a heart attack on top of me, and it seemed to shock him into making an effort.

sadly; without her own lightbulb going off to spur her to want to change, there isn't much you can do. I would keep being honest though about your concerns. She won't see her daughters children if she carries on.

where were all these genetically disposed people in the 60s 70s and 80s?

Stress is a huge factor in weight gain and loss. Do things to remove stress for your DW and make it easier for her to do the things that will help.

Carping at her about her weight is NOT one of the helpful things.

Of course you're not being unreasonable. You're rightly worried about her. Don't drag your daughter into it but I would bring it up with her again. Will it make her lose weight? Probably not. I personally couldn't be attracted to someone fat or obese. So if I was with someone and they went from a healthy weight to obese through overeating I'd say something and if nothing changed possibly leave.

She's not doing herself any favours here.

@Ved thank you!!! When I first saw the post it was blanket, just the name. 🤗

@HelpMeHelpMyWife good for you to be thinking of your wife’s health and wanting to help her. You know from your own experience of losing 3 stone that your overall health has improved. Is your wife seriously obese or just borderline? How dedicated is she in trying to lose the weight apart from WW as in does she do any exercise like walking or swimming and what’s her diet like? Is binge eating part of her day? Sometimes a whole reset is needed with diet, exercise and mindfulness. Throwing out all junk food and sugary stuff is a good start. Plan your grocery shopping with lists, make a meal plan for the week. Suggest going for a walk every evening and add on an extra 10 minutes after a week. All these things will help but your wife has to want to change. Is she depressed and comfort eating?

You can't change someone who does want to change.

Involving her teenage daughter is completely wrong and unfair on both of them.

The only angle that may be acceptable is telling her you are concerned, worroed that she'll struggled in later live or that you may lose her prematurely and ask how you can support her as you want her around for as long as possible. That said, it's still a risky strategy.

Has she been to the doctor about her pain?
You could encourage her to do this in the hope the Dr gives her a reality check.

Don’t keep talking to her mother about her weight and definitely don’t talk to your teenage daughter about it either. No good will come of either of those ideas.

It’s a lot easier, for various reasons to do with physiology, for men to lose weight than women. It is also generally a lot less of a hot topic for men to deal with. Women are constantly judged on their weight and appearance and the commentary around women online often focusses on their weight and looks. It will be bound up in a whole load of things to do with self esteem, self worth, self confidence….

She will know she’s obese. Any doctor she’s seen about joint pain will also have told her that losing weight will help with that. She’s not stupid, she will know it’s not rocket science, but knowing what you need to do and then actually being able to do it are two separate things.

You can help by making it as easy as possible to take healthy actions and to eat a healthy diet, and to be active. Without being weird about it or forcing anything on her.