AIBU to try to help my wife lose weight? Somehow.

Can you offer to do all the food shopping and cooking to help her perhaps make healthier food choices?

I echo what others have said that it's probably stress related. Try to see where the stress in her life is and do your best to shoulder some more of it or eliminate it. Honestly I think counselling would be the best thing for her with no agenda, how you organise that is the challenge. Maybe say you are going and suggest she does too? I can guarantee if she talks about herself and her feelings, her weight will come up. There is some mental block there or lack of self esteem behind this. Often the hardest part is developing the confidence to try to lose weight. Also it can relate to massive fear of failure. In order to lose weight most people fail multiple times before success, that's part of the journey. For perfectionists the fear of failure is so great that they don't want to try. I read somewhere that many obese people are perfectionists deep down, which surprised me. It could also be depression and she is eating her feelings. Either way I think obesity is often just a symptom and her acceptance of this implies there is something deeper psychologically that needs working on.

Handicapped?

WTF

We've moved on from that very offensive term @HelpMeHelpMyWife

Social Model of Disability: Language | Disability Rights UK https://share.google/AxHsHFNOQHEp2mnBu

Yanbu. Its you thats going to end up looking after her if she doesn't shift the weight and does end up immobilised. Because the more things hurt the less she is going to want to do and so the bigger she gets etc etc. In my house we are quite blunt with each other so im afraid so home truths would coming her way

Hasn’t the term handicapped been classed as offensive for quite a while now? Disabled would be a better word OP.

Health would be the priority, but I think it’s ok to want your partner to be a healthy weight in order to look good. Relationships usually require you to be attracted to your partner, and for me, that would be not being overweight.

@HelpMeHelpMyWifeif you remove food from the house without her buy in she is likely simply to consume the foods that she overeats outside of the home and without your knowledge. It is pointless to try to force her to conform to your ideas of what she needs to do. If she isn’t fully into a weight loss plan then things like removing food will likely just cause additional stress and upset.

If she were behaving like a grown woman he wouldn’t have to

You sound quite smug tbh.
Running might suit you but is not the best option for some women. For menopausal women, strength training is more important to protect the bones.
There can be other reasons why women can find running a challenge - a prolapse for example.
Also bear in mind that menopause can affect the joints as well as being over weight - I know slim women who have developed joint and bone issues after 50.

Menopause also makes it harder to shift weight. It’s frustrating when men just eat a bit healthier and do some running, shift a few stone, and then think it’s that simple for everyone.

I don’t think you are qualified to be giving diet or exercise advice to your wife. A female personal trainer would be much better placed to do that, but only if it’s something she wants for herself.

There's nothing you can tell her that she won't already know & whatever you say will be heard as criticism however kindly meant. Instead think about what you can do e.g. tell her you'd like to get back into healthier eating yourself & offer to cook twice a week, giving her a shopping list for two lower calorie but nice meals for when she goes to the supermarket; suggest a walk on the lighter evenings or an exercise class you could do together; never offer her a cake, biscuit or glass of wine; do extra shopping to buy lower calorie snacks and offer them to her. Say nothing about weight. It would probably feel too controlling if you took over all the shopping and cooking, but you can do some.

Don't give up hope. I was that woman and my DH was where you are. Eventually I lost a substantial amount of weight gradually after I retired & have kept it off for a couple of years. It's a pity I didn't do it earlier but the stress of work led to comfort eating and I also didn't have as much time to plan meals and exercise.

Well it looks like he is heading towards being her carer so it's very much his business too.

She knows she’s obese, you telling her won’t help.

She needs to decide that she wants to do something about it.

It would be interesting to try to understand why she eats as she does but I don’t think it’s up to you to explore this as it’s likely to cause you both stress and anxiety.

Love her and support her.

Thing is she will feel worse with your comnments about mobility scooters! How is your relationship. Not well I expect! Look losing weight is complicated and support is needed.she goes to ww .already that's a start.

Cant wait until they do the same shows for druggies and pissheads..............oh wait Would never happen. They just like to stick to the safe prejudices.

Stop buying junk food and alcohol. Only buy and cook healthy food. If you buy junk food and alcohol you’re enabling it.

Me and DH just go on our own health kicks and bring the other person along with us.

Look, dude.
Mounjaro stops you from craving food. You end up in a calorie deficit as a result. Obviously you need to eat healthily but it's a million times easier on WLI.
I've been on MJ for 27 months and it's changed my life.

Have a look at some of the threads on here about MJ. It wouldn't surprise me if your wife would be delighted to give it a go, if you say you can afford it.

I think it’s normal to care about the health of someone you love. It also impacts the other person in the relationship as it may change what they can do together. They have a child and really you should want to be healthy for your children.

Could you say, you’ve heard colleagues/friends talk about weight loss injections and if she wanted to try them, you think you could find the money? Might plant a seed.

Exactly. Do you say anything to help her feel loved and secure in your relationship or just criticise her weight ( however well meaning you may be about that).
Do you do your share of the household chores and mental load of family life or is she constantly stressed and exhausted because you are a selfish, lazy pig?
She is most likely to lose weight if she feels good about herself and has the time and energy for the self care needed.

Question OP, why do you think you have the right to tell a grown woman what to do with her body?

If she is already experiencing health issues and struggling to do certain things at only 51, and you’ve already brought up losing weight and she isn’t really showing any real interest, I doubt there is anything you can say or do that will change her.

I’d be really annoyed if my partner wasn’t trying to keep fit and healthy as it’s would impact me too.