AIBU to try to help my wife lose weight? Somehow.

It’s because he doesn’t actually care about her overall wellbeing, he just cares about her weight.

All the evidence is that 95% of intentional weight loss leads to regain or regain plus additional extra gained weight. It resets the metabolism and destroys lean muscle mass.

How long have you maintained your weight loss? (Losing weight is relatively easy in the short term) Does your wife have equal time away from the home or home responsibilities to focus on her own interests / health?

Chris Whitty sounded warnings about the GLP injections unpleasant side effects tolerated by very few long term (huge numbers stop 85%), sudden blindness, pancreatis and necrotic bowels that have caused deaths. Stop the injections same as other weight loss...regain or regain +

Your thinking you should raise this with your teenage daughter suggests you know very little about weight loss and its demands and damaging impacts on women and girls.

All the histrionics about mortality and type 2...if your wife becomes ill, as people do as they age, will this be your get out for caring? Thin people suffer all the same illnesses as fat people.

Science and evidence actuality supports finding an enjoyable way to move more and eat your fruits and veg. Don't make weight a stigma...as it is an impossible labyrinth to leave

(and there is evidence the weight stigma is linked to the poor health outcomes for fat people..studies increasingly link late diagnosis, prejuduced care for the stats for fat people ...tempting as it is for insecure folk to lord it over a sub group with a visible difference)

Well said

Very telling that you have answered this which has only been asked once but not several posters who have suggested that you do more shopping and cooking and more of the domestic load so she can tackle her weight if she wants to

You don’t have to be her carer and resent her even more than you seem to now @HelpMeHelpMyWife. You can leave and divorce her rather than be miserable and make her miserable.

To be honest if my husband became obese I wouldn’t fancy him or want to have sex with him, and I Dare say most women on here would agree.

women are quick to come to the defence of an obese women. But not a man. It’s not what we signed up for

say to her and be frank.say your nto sexually attracted to someone why has physically let herself go

The truth hirts

I would try to talk to her and encourage her to get more outside support. Obesity is now very much considered an illness by pharmaceutical industry, not 'lifestyle choice' and not something to be ashamed of. Yes off course other factors and availability of calories in the modern world affect weight, but overweight people are now more understood to have a constant hunger, and drugs the modulate that such as GLP1 are very effective as they suppress hunger ( they are stronger longer lasting versions of the peptide hormones that do this naturally).
I really wish you and you wife the best with this as it is so hard to watch a family member go through this and I hope she sees as you caring.

I’m sure you’re aware they’ll be two sides to this little tale of woe.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable either. But she sounds like she doesn’t care that much

If I were at the top range of what’s considered healthy for my height (5’4) and then gained 3 stone, it would very much make me clinically obese.

No and if you had RTFT you would have seen that Fat Families was mentioned by a previous poster It was in response to that

Its nice that you care enough to want to help her.

can you join weightwatchers with her? Take over the food/cooking ?

if she has a bad knee, back etc, gentle exercise will help, being stationary will make it worse. Is there someway you can add some gentle exercise but build it up.

I’m kind of suggesting here you help her by joining her journey instead of telling her you have done yours. Some help by stealth in the hope it can be built on. i wouldn’t normally recommend this but having had my own health journey recently? Very small baby steps being built on is very helpful

The problem here is the words fat and obese . Substituting them for heart disease and diabetes.. both EXACTLY THE SAME LIFE LIMITING CONDITIONS AS OBESITY ! and would anyone we suggesting self help groups like weight watchers that just make money out of people with obesity ?

Thefe are now drugs for obesity. Drugs that will make her able to be healthy. Why on earth would you not suggest it to save your wife’s life ?

No one notices what women do until we dont do it.

Did you post this on the wrong thread?

Has she always been overweight, you've written 'over the years'.

I was never particularly overweight, but put on 3.5 stone between the ages of 46 and 48. And realised it was metabolism as well as bad eating, and have since lost it by cutting a lot of crap carbs, and fasting. Is she on HRT? If you feel miserable and are breaking into a sweat walking on a light gradient, you are not going to feel like eating healthily and taking exercise. It is very different for women at this age, so your own experience isn't really relevant. However, she'd feel better even without HRT if she lost some weight. There is an excellent YouTuber called Dr Mindy Pelz who specialises in weight loss advice for women in menopause, she's also written books about it. I think that might work better than talking to her about mobility scooters and future illness, I'm not surprised she's closed her ears to you.

What because she shops for something in batter and shoves it in the oven?

RTFT Shes doing all the grunt work domestically

Its been easier for him to excersise those choices while his wife does more domestically.

Oh right, didn't realise that you have insider knowledge. So the wife is currently having to lift the op on and off the loo and she'll him into all the replacement surgeries and diabetes appointments. Poor woman, who can blame her for stuffing her face every day.

I pity your wife OP, as you are seemingly unable to answer any questions about what you do to help and support her and to contribute to the family workload. That speaks volumes and might explain why she needs to overeat to cope with her life.

I’m obese. I’m well aware of it, and the health risks. Once you get to a level of weight the monumental effort of willpower versus all the other shit and grind women carry - housework, life admin, elderly parents, peri/menopause, trying to keep motivated at work etc means that losing weight isn’t as simple as you make it out.

If I even thought my DH was talking behind my back about how to rally the family for an intervention, or to asking for tips on how best to coerce me into losing weight I’d divorce the fucker. Truly. Ask yourself how much of the domestic load you undertake. Does she have free time to relax, walk, get active? Do you shop/cook? Do you enjoy her company without obsessing about what she eats or weighs? Do you even know her? Her hopes, dreams, regrets? Or are you just a domineering running bore?

This is rude. He should be able to talk about what he’s done to improve his health without being called “smug.” Being healthy requires effort and a lot of pushing yourself to make the right choices. It’s okay to be proud of turning your health around and making good choices and it’s also okay to want your spouse to make healthy choices too.