AIBU to try to help my wife lose weight? Somehow.

Can you shop, and you cook healthy meals.

I’ve done both but it still didn’t cause me to be obese, that’s her responsibility

I hope your wife will find a good way forward.

I do think it is wise that you are aware of the issues.

I would say weight loss drugs are a good investment.

I understand it perfectly that’s why I lost 9 stone and got healthy . It doesn’t really matter what you eat.. the drug will make your portions tiny ! No one needs to change their lifestyle.. it’s not a drug that deals with your neurological functions ffs .. it deals with your blood sugar and hunger hormone. Not some kind of boo doo spell !

How do you feel about him? Do you love and respect him and find him attractive? Has your relationship changed at all? Does he act any differently to you now that you have changed?

Having experienced both myself, I can assure you that doing all the housework and life admin as a single mum is way less work than doing it with children AND another adult in the home who contributes to the workload but doesn't do their share of it.

I have an obese, unhealthy husband. I wasn’t in nearly as bad a state as him but I sorted myself out about 4 years ago, partly in the hope it might inspire him - it didn’t. He doesn’t want to hear about it, knows he’s fat but isn’t bothered enough about it to deal with it. Don’t waste your energy, just look after your own health.

OP's vision for how he wants to age and the things he wants to do now and in retirement with his wife are valid.
If he says something like I want us to be able to travel, cycle, hike etc and you need to be fit and healthy to do this, so you need to take some control and I'll help you it might be okay.
I don't think I could be with someone who had let themselves go so badly and got offended if I suggested they do something about it.
We're not talking about a medical condition that the wife can't help. There are lots of ways to lose weight, it's not just about food intake, either. There may be issues, ie trauma, the wife needs to address, but regardless, OP has recognized he needed to do something about his health and he did. The marriage may be doomed if the wife doesn't decide to make changes.

The only thing you can do to help is join in healthy eating. So make sure when you cook its healthy, and don't buy lots of snacks and leave them around. If she’s going to weightwatchers she is already aware and trying.

I’ve been a single mum with 3 kids and I still tried to eat healthy and exercise so my children had a fit and healthy mum

Have you actually say down and had a conversation? Telling that you're concerned for her health how your daughter is still young, how she seems to be in pain and maybe she shojld see a doctor or eating better and moving a bit more would be good for her. How you could start a hobby together etc. Start doing the shopping and cooking. Suggest trying pickelball for the first time or somthing else you've never tried so you're not better at it. Maybe a nice lunch at some footpath etc.

Do not involve other family members. Do not offer weightloss tips. Do not come at it from weightloss angle. Overweight people know they are overweight and people pointing it out makes it worse. Unsolicited tips are never useful, unless they genuinely have come up with something new. Which you probably haven't. Do not discount weightloss meds. Yeah, people on the injections are likely to gain the weight back around the same percentage as the people who have lost weight without the injections. But it might be a big motivator to actually see results. There is nothing more depressing than giving 110% and gaining weight.

Right, we have a definite pattern of OP avoiding the questions about cooking, shopping and chores now.

I think that tells us everything we need to know.

It’s hard to say since OP is scant on details. Hard to provide answers to his questions if we don’t know her current weight and what he’s doing in the home to give her the space and time to care for herself.

@HelpMeHelpMyWife You do need to be honest about what you do at home and with the children vs. Your wife. How much free time do you give her? We can’t provide help if you aren’t honest. And it’s okay to say you don’t do much at home but just know that you’ll have to change that.

Well?? @HelpMeHelpMyWife

Don't get me wrong, I've been there.

OF COURSE life is easier when we are healthy and not carrying excess weight.

But the way OP talks about his wife is like she's destined to be a 400 pound shut in.

It's not reading as kind or helpful.

It's reading as hyperbolic and judgmental.

To me, anyway.

Hes so worried about her health that he expects her to do all the grunt work and find time to excersise on top of that.

What a silly thing to say, he’s worried about his wife’s health. People are at higher risk of strokes and heart attacks being obese, that would worry me too

You wouldn't have the sausage roll in your hands in the first place...

As a start... Are you going to do the shopping (do an online order) and menu plan plus share the cooking and clean up for for the whole family or not? Are you going to offer to suggest you both signing up to the gym and offer to take on some of her share of shared chores to make sure she has time to go and not worry about cooking/clean up when she gets home?

Are you going to do these things?

Is it though? Would you say the same if she was a heavy smoker or drinker. It’s worse parenting self harming yourself and causing stress down the line for your husband and children

I think a lot of people live with bodies that aren’t working to their full capacity because of their health choices but are use to their body not feeling amazing all the time. A family member has spent the past 2 years losing 60 lbs and are now weight training. They told me today that they just hadn’t realised how horrible they actual felt before, they were use to little aches and pains or having limited energy. They said “I haven’t felt this good since I was 20 years old” and they are close to 70 now.

So yes, a lot of people won’t be in mobility scooters but they certainly won’t be feeling tip top.

Hello there
First, I haven't read all the posts, so this may duplicate what's been said already. Apologies if it does.
I am overweight - and to be honest I don't do too much about it. If my husband came to me and said he thought I was wrecking our future life I'd be very upset. But he just wouldn't do that. So please don't.
The fact your wife goes to weight watchers means she wants to change Nd has more impetus than me. But it also probably means it's not right for her.
It's a sad fact that men lose weight more easily than we do. So unfair!!! So it won't help you comparing what you've achieved and using it as a carrot. In fact, it would make me more resistant.
So, what could you do? Take over the food shopping, meal planning and cooking. If that's always been her domain she may be stuck in a rut of the same recipes and portion sizes and she may also be bored of the mundane day in day out need to think about food. Adding calorie counting on top of everyday food production is A LOT. You sound like someone who once they make their mind up to do something will do it well - so do this for her. Make it easy. Be her personal chef, as if she's an A list celebrity, after all that's how they did it (before injections). To do it well acquaint yourself with the Nutracheck app and use it for everything. I'm pretty sure if you remove the work, turn it into a treat, and start to see results she may pick up the baton.
The next thing would be to facilitate extra movement/exercise. My barrier to this is finding the time. My husband counters with "you have to make it a priority - if you wanted to do it, you would" but that's not how my brain works. I always put what everyone else wants ahead of what I want. I have no idea why. So much so I make myself cross, but I can't break the habit. If this could be true of your wife, then make it easy. You collect the kids, fill the washing machine, walk the dog or whatever so that she has a block of time dedicated to exercise. And if finance is her barrier - then maybe reassure her that it's affordable, if that is the case. Maybe the right personal trainer could help - again A list celeb stuff.
That would help me (and I have lost weight using Nutracheck, I just need to get back to it) but everyone's different. Hope it helps and you have a wonderful future