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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to say no to a trip I can’t get a visa for?

96 replies

PeppyBrickQuoter · 29/03/2026 18:08

We are planning a few city breaks in different countries within the same holiday period, however DP has mentioned going to a country I’m unable to easily get a visa for so I wouldn’t be able to follow them and would have to come back home. AIBU to say no, that I want her to only consider countries we can both visit with the kids. If it were just her I wouldn’t mind but I would feel a lot of anxiety being away from the kids. LO would be 9 months and our eldest would be 2.

OP posts:
ShetlandishMum · 07/04/2026 01:19

PeppyBrickQuoter · 29/03/2026 18:13

She knows, she doesn’t understand that it’ll be a very gruelling and expensive process with virtually zero chance of approval at the end.

Show quote history

I would just say no. It makes no sense at all.

watchingthishtread · 07/04/2026 01:16

What's in it for the 9 month old and the 2 year old? Taking them to India without you makes no sense when she has no family ties to India herself. Do the uni friends have little kids?

OneFunBrickNewt · 07/04/2026 00:14

There are several threads on TA about UK citizens of Pakistani descent who have recently got Indian visas. My parents (white British, widely travelled but not to PK) had a bizarre experience applying for their visas- my Dad got his quickly online, and my mum had a horrible experience, needing an expensive trip to the Indian consulate/visa centre in Hounslow. No reason why.

mrsCtheRed · 06/04/2026 12:40

YANBU, your partner on the other hand, is being VVU

Helpforsummer · 29/03/2026 22:55

Firm no from me. My DH wouldn't get a visa either (same reasons) so it's absolutely off the cards for us...shame but no way would I risk anything happening to me or his babies in a country he likely wouldn't be able to enter.
(Plus I've been and it's as pram friendly as you'd imagine...just a consideration esp if she's on her own)

ILoveDaffodills · 29/03/2026 22:51

PeppyBrickQuoter · 29/03/2026 19:30

She doesn’t have family connections as she’s fully English but she does have some friends she met in university she’d like to visit in India while we are touring parts of Asia. So they would be her “tour guides” so to speak and she’d plan on staying with them. I wouldn’t be bothered by this if I was allowed into the country but because it’s a very low chance I’ll be allowed, I wouldn’t want the kids to be hospitalised or for her to be hospitalised and for either of our babies left with women they don’t know. She suggested bringing her mum but that still doesn’t solve the issue of our family holiday being split. I have suggested she go alone but she wants to take the kids to see her friends. I don’t see why they can’t meet us in a neighbouring country like Sri Lanka

YANBU

No way would I give permission for the kids to be taken to a country I couldn't enter. as you say, what if one of them (her or one of the kids) ends up in hospital. Meeting up with old uni friends in a foreign country your partner can't enter is 100% unnecessary & 100% NOT happening in my world.

tinyspiny · 29/03/2026 21:09

Your partner is being ridiculous , what benefit is there to a 9 month old and 2 yr old visiting India , they won’t remember it and it’s basically just so they can be shown off to friends . Stick to your guns on this one .

FairBrickBiscuit · 29/03/2026 21:02

Hard no. She’s being totally unreasonable, stand firm.

Catcatcatcatcat · 29/03/2026 20:54

Does your DP have legal parental authority for your DC? Even if they do, they shouldn’t be able to take them to another country without your permission.

Shuffletoesxtreme · 29/03/2026 20:44

She’s being ridiculous, the kids will have no memory of it, she would be far better off going with her sister

JulietteHasAGun · 29/03/2026 20:36

EricTheHalfASleeve · 29/03/2026 18:27

India isn't well known for its food hygiene or medical care either - I would not take a baby and a 2 year old there.

This is a very good point. How’s she going to look after the kids if she gets ill?

whats so special about India? Seems odd to be so insistent over it when she knows your issue. Is she trying to assert herself for some reason? If you were the half of the couple who gave birth to them does she feel side lined from them?

I agree Sri Lanka would be a good compromise and maybe close enough for her Indian friends to pop over to see you if she wants to meet up? Or she goes to India without the kids. I wouldn’t even be letting her apply for a visa if you can’t go.

HeartShapedBox · 29/03/2026 20:33

If you can't get a visa due to family heritage/ army connections, surely your children wouldn't be able to get one either due to the same heritage/ connections?

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/03/2026 20:28

PeppyBrickQuoter · 29/03/2026 19:42

I’m hoping the kids don’t get their visas through I’ve told her she can go on her own and leave the kids with me. I wouldn’t have minded if they were teenagers but they’re so little I’m not having it. She’s currently sulking because I said no.

Just say she can’t take them to a different country without you. The visas are a red herring.

Catcatcatcatcat · 29/03/2026 20:25

Absofuckinglutely not.

Original poster
PeppyBrickQuoter · 29/03/2026 19:42

I’m hoping the kids don’t get their visas through I’ve told her she can go on her own and leave the kids with me. I wouldn’t have minded if they were teenagers but they’re so little I’m not having it. She’s currently sulking because I said no.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 29/03/2026 19:30

Wow. She wants to take your baby and toddler for a one in a lifetime’s trip without out. That would be a hard no for me. Neither child will remember it. And I would not have my child taken to another country, especially one, I couldn’t go to myself.

Original poster
PeppyBrickQuoter · 29/03/2026 19:30

She doesn’t have family connections as she’s fully English but she does have some friends she met in university she’d like to visit in India while we are touring parts of Asia. So they would be her “tour guides” so to speak and she’d plan on staying with them. I wouldn’t be bothered by this if I was allowed into the country but because it’s a very low chance I’ll be allowed, I wouldn’t want the kids to be hospitalised or for her to be hospitalised and for either of our babies left with women they don’t know. She suggested bringing her mum but that still doesn’t solve the issue of our family holiday being split. I have suggested she go alone but she wants to take the kids to see her friends. I don’t see why they can’t meet us in a neighbouring country like Sri Lanka

OP posts:
jcfmover · 29/03/2026 19:26

Say no. It's not possible and no, you won't be coming back alone without the kids while she takes them to India. You all go or no one goes.
You've suggested she goes with her sister on a separate trip which is a good idea.

BendingSpoons · 29/03/2026 19:10

There's no way DH or I would travel with small kids to a country the other one couldn't even visit. Imagine if one of them got ill or had an accident and you couldn't even fly to be with them. I understand her disappointment,.especially if she thinks you are exaggerating the visa issue, but YANBU.

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 29/03/2026 19:08

I agree with OP. I was refused a visa & no reason was given.

There's absolutely nothing in my background, & when I asked why I was given the brush-off.

Plenty of other countries want my money !

Janesput · 29/03/2026 19:07

Why is that particular country important to her and why would it be so difficult for you to travel.

Tacohill · 29/03/2026 19:07

Are you both travelling to the other side of the world and therefore her seeing this country is a once in a lifetime opportunity type thing?

PurpleNightingale · 29/03/2026 18:59

I really enjoyed India but I got the worst food poisoning of my life there- and I am a really careful and well travelled person. No way I'd take children that young, visa issues aside. Can you compromise on somewhere else- Sri Lanka maybe?

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/03/2026 18:58

Is the plan to go to surrounding countries and include India? Why not just keep the kids with you in the neighbouring country. She can pop across to India while you chill in Bhutan, or another safe place.

SixSevenShutUp · 29/03/2026 18:57

Do you have any reason to suspect that she might want to stay in India with your children? I'm not sure you would get them back in that situation. How confident are you in the relationship?