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Partners family have a habit of not saying goodbye

110 replies

PockerMaus · 29/03/2026 14:40

So until recently it's just my partner's dad who seems to have this issue. Whenever he has stayed with us in the past he seems to have dipped out early in the morning without saying goodbye (my partners family all live about 4 hours away). It upset my partner in the past but he has a turbulent relationship with his dad anyway.

This weekend we had two of his aunties and his cousin come and stay. They drove down on Saturday, we cooked them lunch, went for a nice walk and then had pancakes for tea and watched a film. It seemed like a lovely day and they all went to bed and said see you tomorrow.

We have an 8 month old son who thankfully (after 7 months of awful sleep) now sleeps through on most occasions. I woke up around 6 and 7 and couldn't hear anything and our son was still asleep so went back to sleep. My partner and I woke up at 8am and went downstairs to find a note written on some kitchen roll saying thank you for the food, had to go. They then messaged to say they had been up since 3am unable to sleep and needed to get home.

Tbh I find it really rude, after hosting these people and they just leave without saying goodbye. We sleep with our door open so it's not like we were shut away and not like we woke up late. I haven't replied to their messages and feel that they've let my partner down as it's something he has always been upset about when his dad does it.

Would you be offended by this or not think it's a particularly big deal? My partner said they may not have wanted to wake us up as we have a baby but he sleeps in his own room and they know that he sleeps through the night now so it's not like we're sleep deprived.

I just feel like saying something to them that this wasn't ok but also don't want to be overreacting and falling out with the in laws. Maybe I just need to rant haha. I just know I wouldn't stay at someone's house and then leave without saying goodbye.

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PockerMaus · 30/03/2026 16:46

PinterandPirandello · 30/03/2026 00:04

I’d actually be relieved by this as I’m not in the slightest bit sociable in the mornings and can’t think of anything worse than trying to juggle a little one whilst making breakfast for guests and small talk first thing. Maybe they’re also not morning people,especially after a bad nights sleep.

Haha it's so interesting to me the number of people on here who would much rather their guests leave early doors 😂 it's going to give me a complex next time I stay over somewhere!

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PockerMaus · 30/03/2026 16:45

Anewerforest · 30/03/2026 13:22

But many people would hate to be woken early on a Sunday morning, especially at 3am! You are sounding quite inflexible, as though your way of looking at things is the only one. I might have done the same as your guests if I'd hardly been to sleep, was uncomfortable in an unfamiliar bed and not wanting to delay just to have breakfast before leaving. It would have been polite though to say 'Sorry to miss breakfast with you' in the note, or later on the phone.

I disagree about being inflexible. I would feel rude if I stayed over at a family members house, they catered for me etc, and I just left in the morning even though we'd made plans. That is my perspective but the point of this post was to see what others thought and see their opinions. It doesn't mean mine changes but I appreciate other people will have different boundaries and how they view respect. We're all different :)

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PockerMaus · 30/03/2026 13:49

LordofMisrule1 · 30/03/2026 13:40

Seems crazy to me to be bothered by this. It's far kinder to leave a note and not bother someone if they're asleep than wake them to say bye. I would also be really annoyed if someone expected me to stick around until they got up just to say bye. You're all adults.

Confused by the 'sticking around to say goodbyes' we had plans for the next day 😂 anywho my last update said I'd spoken to them both and all is well in the world!

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LordofMisrule1 · 30/03/2026 13:40

Seems crazy to me to be bothered by this. It's far kinder to leave a note and not bother someone if they're asleep than wake them to say bye. I would also be really annoyed if someone expected me to stick around until they got up just to say bye. You're all adults.

Anewerforest · 30/03/2026 13:22

PockerMaus · 29/03/2026 15:12

Hmm I suppose. I feel a note is a bit of a cop out. It would have taken much longer to write than just come in and say we're going. We're a very easy going couple and wouldn't have had a problem being woken up (I was basically awake anyway I just didn't think anyone else was up so didn't come down)

Yes true, a phone call would be nice.

But many people would hate to be woken early on a Sunday morning, especially at 3am! You are sounding quite inflexible, as though your way of looking at things is the only one. I might have done the same as your guests if I'd hardly been to sleep, was uncomfortable in an unfamiliar bed and not wanting to delay just to have breakfast before leaving. It would have been polite though to say 'Sorry to miss breakfast with you' in the note, or later on the phone.

PinterandPirandello · 30/03/2026 00:04

I’d actually be relieved by this as I’m not in the slightest bit sociable in the mornings and can’t think of anything worse than trying to juggle a little one whilst making breakfast for guests and small talk first thing. Maybe they’re also not morning people,especially after a bad nights sleep.

dayslikethese1 · 29/03/2026 23:56

I'm surprised at all the ppl saying this is fine, I would have thought it rude too unless they'd said the night before that they were heading out early and not to get up.

NotMrPerfectAfterAll · 29/03/2026 23:56

PockerMaus · 29/03/2026 23:39

Hahah it blows my mind the number of people that have said this 😂 I'll send them your way next time!

Please do! In return I'll send you a couple of mine who simply won't fuck off home until I'm sitting in the bathroom on the edge of a full blown panic attack

PockerMaus · 29/03/2026 23:41

MasterBeth · 29/03/2026 23:34

It's odd.

Is it rude?

I would think anyone who genuinely had been awake since 3 not sleeping has issues. They left a note.

I think I'd be secretly pleased they'd gone.

Yes I think there are more issues - turns out she needed a joint as that's how she sleeps at home!

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PockerMaus · 29/03/2026 23:39

NotMrPerfectAfterAll · 29/03/2026 23:34

These people are my dream guests!

Hahah it blows my mind the number of people that have said this 😂 I'll send them your way next time!

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Endorewitch · 29/03/2026 23:39

As they leave early it seems to me they dont want to wake you. You have a small baby and they likely assume you need your sleep. Maybe they like to be off early. I dont think it is odd. If they left without saying goodbye at 10am,that would be rude .

NotMrPerfectAfterAll · 29/03/2026 23:34

These people are my dream guests!

MasterBeth · 29/03/2026 23:34

It's odd.

Is it rude?

I would think anyone who genuinely had been awake since 3 not sleeping has issues. They left a note.

I think I'd be secretly pleased they'd gone.

Infracat · 29/03/2026 23:31

V rude!

PockerMaus · 29/03/2026 23:30

Luckyforsome23 · 29/03/2026 22:58

How thick are the curtains in that room? The only time I have done this the curtains were much too thin and it was too light to sleep. By 7am I was really tired and grumpy so I just left.

So we have blinds in there and they're pretty good - my partner and I often fall asleep in there as it has the big TV in so I reckon we'd have spotted anything that'd make it uncomfortable for guests! Plus it seems to only be his family that do this 🫠
But I did actually ask this time to make sure there wasn't anything in the room that had gone unnoticed :) the driver auntie just said she is a terrible sleeper whenever away from home (she smokes weed so I think the issue is that she didn't have any with her...)

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Luckyforsome23 · 29/03/2026 22:58

How thick are the curtains in that room? The only time I have done this the curtains were much too thin and it was too light to sleep. By 7am I was really tired and grumpy so I just left.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 29/03/2026 21:33

PockerMaus · 29/03/2026 21:30

Haha I rate that though, the honesty! & If someone said that to me beforehand I would respect that and not find it rude at all.

Oh I do always follow up with a message so I’m not completely lacking 🙈🤣

PockerMaus · 29/03/2026 21:30

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 29/03/2026 21:24

I am guilty of this tbh. I find the whole ‘saying goodbye’ thing really awkward - silences, will they try to hug me etc.

I usually ask people not to say goodbye when they go

Haha I rate that though, the honesty! & If someone said that to me beforehand I would respect that and not find it rude at all.

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LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 29/03/2026 21:24

I am guilty of this tbh. I find the whole ‘saying goodbye’ thing really awkward - silences, will they try to hug me etc.

I usually ask people not to say goodbye when they go

PockerMaus · 29/03/2026 21:16

Update for anyone interested..

Both aunts sent a nice message and I sent a nice one back to each. I did mention it would have been nice to see them in the morning but also I understand if they needed to get home.

So all is ok in the world. I still personally wouldn't do it but everyone is different and I don't have the energy to hold a grudge, especially now I have my baby. He is the most important thing 😅🩵

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PockerMaus · 29/03/2026 20:16

AbuDhabiYouDoYou · 29/03/2026 19:21

I think it is weird. Any possibility they thought they would have to offer to pay for everyone’s breakfast as you had cooked and hosted? Maybe they were avoiding that.

Oh I certainly would hope not! We would never expect that from them :)

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PockerMaus · 29/03/2026 20:15

Bamboozled5 · 29/03/2026 17:30

If both Dad and his sisters have this habit, it seems like there might be more of a family link about it. Are they all insomniacs? Do they have OCD about using strange bathrooms? Are they all a bit anxious? I’d be looking for some personality traits or background that could explain this! My assumption would be they all don’t feel comfortable in other people’s homes. I guess the aunts couldn’t sleep, waited 5 hours (I’m guessing this is 3am summer time) which is a long time in the night and then felt in desperate need to go home.
Of course it would be nicer if they’d stayed to say goodbye, but I sense there might be some social awkwardness here on their part??
Overall I’d be a bit surprised/disappointed but you have learned about the aunts for the future and won’t be surprised next time!

Agree with this, there's definitely more to it in my eyes! Especially with it being a family trait. I think my family go the opposite way though, we're a super anxious bunch and always worry about offending people 😂 so maybe I'm just super polite!

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PockerMaus · 29/03/2026 20:11

Endofyear · 29/03/2026 16:17

I'd think it was a bit odd but wouldn't be offended. They obviously wanted to get home and didn't want to disturb you so early. They did leave a note thanking you so it's not as if they just sneaked out in the night!

Haha I still think it can be considered sneaking out even if you leave a note! Appreciate your thoughts though, thank you

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PockerMaus · 29/03/2026 20:10

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 29/03/2026 15:50

Do they suffer from anxiety?

I know a few people who like the 'idea' of going away and staying with people, but when they get there they are overwhelmed and just want to go home. In their case I think it's linked to anxiety, they don't feel 'safe' unless they are in their own home.

I do think there may be a sense of this. There are various mental health issues across the family. (No shame or judgement there hah I have similar in my family).

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PockerMaus · 29/03/2026 20:07

Malinia · 29/03/2026 19:28

Yanbu op, I think that's really weird and rude! They should at least have waited till you got up, and given you had plans I think they should have stayed for the breakfast and seeing your mum. It's really rude to leave early without a discussion and especially rude to sneak out! I wouldn't invite them again.

Thank you, some of these replies are making me feel like I'm insane!

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