AIBU to be baffled by colleague on same wage living lavishly?

Inheritance isn’t the only way she could have acquired money from family.

However - you presumably have no idea how much her partner earns, so it’s odd that you’re assuming her financial position is the same as yours.

@Cherryred2 OP, what you, and most people, overlook is that the majority of people live together as couples. The salary of individual people is irrelevant. What matters is the household income.

As an example, there's a woman who does a similar job to me who almost certainly earns a lot less because she only works a 4 day week. But her household income is a lot higher than mine because her husband is a high earner.

Are you and her both married? If yes, then you need to think about household incomes, and not individual salaries.

If you and her are both single, then indeed, there's another explanation.

Do you have any kind of debt? Do you budget well and save and invest?
If she has been doing this for many years she will have money, potentially lots of money

Are you both single? Presumably her other half earns differently to yours? Or perhaps her other half has an inheritance. I also know a few people who are very well off financially because of compensation after significant accidents.

The other thing to consider is if you save anything each month, possibly she's living entirely to her means.

I read a thread on here not long ago about a woman who had won a few million on the lottery. They walk among us.

Also, possible inheritance. If she’s single she could have had a DH with life insurance or god knows what. Also, how do you know she doesn’t work? She might work from home.

We own our home but cheap cars are 30 years old

Just 10 more years and you will be MOT exempt! Savings😁

You cars are 30 years old?
You are also a 2 income household.

i think you’re being unreasonable, you must have an inflated lifestyle. We own our home but cheap cars are 30 years old

My wage is 47k (after pension), during my wifes maternity leave we have been Cyprus, Mallorca, bought a motorhome, did 3 months travelling Europe in it , fuetureventura

On top of that I’ve been Amsterdam twice & the algarve then going Benidorm & Chicago This month

We’ve also managed to put £4k into our baby’s ISA

Who cares what other peeps do?

Money doesn't buy you good health - as many of my "rich" friends have found out.

People who feel they have to scrimp and save will inevitably envy those who don’t. maybe they feel they could have made different life choices.

I don’t think it’s baffling at all if she’s in a relationship. My partner’s salary covers all the bills so mine is used for lifestyle stuff and savings (albeit it all goes into one pot we both have access to).

I don’t think you should be baffled. Very easily explained. You say she has her parents and in laws so no inheritance. My grandad left me money, could be the same for her. Her husband could have a high paying job. They could have a low mortgage. There’s no many reasons.

My assistant earns a third of what I do, but she is always on holiday and spending lavishly. Because her husband earns mega money and they live in a cheaper area than we do, her mortgage I imagine is low.

I'm basically this woman. I earn only 32k. Husband 48k. But I have inheritance from distant relatives totalling 500k
I've no mortgage and don't drink or smoke.

You really don't know her situation.

I know someone who was living like this. She worked very part time and her partner had a very bog standard job probably not even earning the average wage. He is now in prison for running a huge drug operation, and she has also had a short prison stint last year for her part in it all.

High earning partner? Help from family? Different life choices?

You can inherit from anyone - as could her husband - grandparents, maiden aunts etc. I suspect her DH earns a lot more than yours. As others say - nothing baffling here at all.

Think that’s impossible to know. You don’t know re her family, partner salary, children (if no children massively different spending ability/habits), bought property years ago so v low mortgage, still on a 1% mortgage, side hustle, etc. So many factors.

i worked with someone years ago who was so flash. but a secretary. she had chanel scarves, a speedboat, a house in greece somewhere. turns out she nicked £1million from her boss, went to prison and then they made the story into a drama for the tv with meera syal playing her. your post just reminded me of her.

My carer gets carer's allowance topped up with universal credit. He has managed a few trips to Japan.

To do this he never turns his heating on, and I mean never. He doesn't go out or do anything like a trip to the theatre / cinema unless he us accompanying me and gets a carer's ticket.

He splits his money up whenever it arrives, his "shopping fund" is £20 per week.

He does not have a conventional oven / cooker, he uses a microwave or air fryer.

He rarely buys clothes, lest time it was a pack of socks to go to Japan.

When he is there he stays in hostels and eats in burger places.

Before he goes he organises things with me. Multiple bottom sheets on my bed so I can just pull them off, multiple duvets and pillows I can throw on the bed. Organising meals on wheels. Checking the pharmacy has my prescriptions.

To an outsider he looks like someone who can afford a long haul holiday, no one sees what he sacrifices.

Name changed as outing.

I think some colleagues think this of me. I have a high-earning DH with a luxury company car - which as he mostly wfh, I often drive to work and have the best vehicle in the multi-storey car park.

However, as well as earning well, we are modest in our everyday life. Our second car is a 12yr modest brand which was bought 2nd hand outright and will be driven until it breaks. We buy clothes to last, but very few of them. DS‘ toys and clothes are often second hand - the advantage of quality stuff is it outlasts several small children. We then sell this on, and I have a pot of money on the second hand sites to invest in more stuff. I‘m also good at combining special offers.

We both have an invest first mentality and are now at a stage where this is paying off. Mortgage was paid off very early because we overpaid as much as we could. We paid off a second mortgage so a family member had a place she could rent cheaply from us. She trashed the place just as rents skyrocketed (hers was never raised). As the house was paid off, it’s now let to another family who essentially fund our holidays and own house repairs.

We don’t try to keep up with the Joneses.We do have our own priorities, though. Days out, food out and travel. Weekend football masterclass for DS. Replacing broken appliances without thinking about it.

You do have to have a certain level of wealth to do this, though.

I always find it fascinating how strong and sometimes boundless the sense of entitlement can be among countless Mumsnet users when it comes to other people’s money. Instead of focusing on building their own wealth, they fixate on others’ and criticize them, rather than working to improve their own lives.

OP, I feel a bit bad for this person having to deal with you. Maybe focus on building your own wealth instead of worrying about others. Feeling a little spiteful, if I were in their shoes, I’d wonder why she’s criticizing me when she can’t manage money to save her life. I’d suggest checking out AI for tips on improving finances, even just a little.

We have a very lovely life, but my parents will regularly treat me to expensive clothes, our holidays are to family homes so we don't pay for accommodation, my in laws are incredibly generous, I never pay full price so whilst I'm wearing designer clothes they're all purchased in sale or outlets. I also wear Primark and Zara dupes so I'm sure some people assume they're real based off other clothes I wear. And as a result someone looking at my life from the outside would assume we're living beyond our means. Which isn't wrong because we could afford the life we live and wouldn't be living it without our families.

I earn half that as a single parent and can still afford holidays, days to London etc. What enables me to do that is a low mortgage, having been old enough to take out a mortgage at a time when houses were cheap.
If I earned £50k I would have an amazing amount of spare money. It's all circumstantial.

I find it quite strange you know so much about their financial situation. I think I’m maybe old fashioned in this though.

But OP isn’t describing a lavish lifestyle, just one that would not be affordable on 50K, and since this is the single thing we know about their life concluding they are in debt is ridiculous.