AIBU to be baffled by colleague on same wage living lavishly?

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While I know very little about my friends' or colleagues' financial situations, it's pretty usual to have a ball park idea. I know my friend's DH is high up in pharma.

The life she leads is congruent with their combined salary.

One of my other friends is a TA - clearly her husband's salary enables them to lead the life they do. That's hardly baffling.

My salary is probably higher than many of my peers but because I am single income household it's all on me. Again, hardly baffling.

We both have a sense of humour 😀

im sure people wonder this about me, not that my lifestyle is lavish BUT I do go on quite a few holidays a year with the fam but truth is I shop around hugely, often get a holiday for a least 1k cheaper than you’d think (I always book last minute)

I buy some designer bits and mid tier clothes brands (arket, dutti, boden etc) but I buy them in the sales or sometimes second hand

so what I mean is they could be very very thrifty and good at making money stretch

I had something similar. DH definitely not on a high wage. She was actually fiddling an account - paying to herself.

Not saying this is the case with your colleague, but it does happen.

Something will be funding it and you never know how people really live.

An ex friend travels first class, swings about like she's loaded if you don't look too close. Whilst she earns a good salary, she rents a small apartment, is constantly trying to find others to fund her, wears cheap clothing and lives in debt. Someone else I know is constantly on holiday despite being in poorly paid, irregular work but she gets money off her DF, lives in debt and in a HMO.

I've always played a long game by buying a home and I've had to do it all alone which is really expensive.

why on earth would you jump straight to this when there is literally no evidence for it, and lots against? People have given loads of alternative explanations for why she might have more disposable income than OP.

Given OP was talking about using credit cards herself (in a completely different conversation, so not even linked at all to a potential 'boast' about what she'd been spending money on recently) there would be literally no reason to lie - OP wasn't in a position to judge her, or she could have just said nothing/changed the subject. It would be utterly bizarre of her to make up a random lie that not only does she not use credit but she's scared of debt, for what?

It gives more of an insight into your personality than anything else if you assume that someone's first instinct, in a general conversation with a colleague, would be to lie, despite there being no benefit to doing so!

Generally I think people only see what others spend money on, and not what they don't. Also how minor changes/differences in circumstances can affect people's lifestyles - someone doing the exact same degree as you in the exact same uni just 1 year before could be the difference between no student debt and £15,000, or £15,000 and £50,000. Buying vs renting identical houses could be a difference of hundreds of pounds a month, as could buying just 1 year before a boom/interest change. Same with grandparents helping out with childcare, etc. Those 2 days a week in nursery might not sound like a huge difference but £200 x week x 52 weeks is over ten grant a year = enough for multiple holidays!

We do similar type holidays. Lots of mini breaks, which can be done quite cheaply. It’s not like she’s going all inclusive to long haul destinations. And a couple of meals out aren’t a ridiculous expense. I earn a lot less than£50k. Depends what you spend while you’re away or what dishes you pick while out, surely?

AFAIK it is fairly rare, but one of my old chums always seemed to be much better off than the rest of us.

He was eventually sacked for embezellement.

This and someone else’s assumption that she’s a drug dealer is as dangerous as it is stupid. Not everyone who is fortunate or smart when it comes to finances is involved in illicit activities. It’s far more likely that this person invested well, inherited from a distant relative, is living beyond their means and lying about it or is simply a thrifty person in other areas of her life.

Posts like the original post are the reason why I keep my finances completely private. Whilst not a high flyer by anyone’s standards there is always someone ready to be jealous and begrudge you for what you worked hard to achieve.

Why do you care though? I can’t say I’ve ever given someone else’s money a single thought. I’ve got loads of friends with wildly different means. I take it all at face value and get on with my life.

I think the question should be “what do I have to do to live such a lavish lifestyle?”. But in all seriousness, it’s really none of your business. Personally, I earn a little less than that, but am going on 4 overseas holidays this year. The reason for it is that I’m in my 40’s, I have no children, I spend very little on everything else as I love to travel and I save really hard. I have also had the “luxury” of losing a beloved relative who died suddenly leaving me a significant amount of money which has cleared my mortgage. Who’s to say what the truth is, but unless you ask, you’ll never know and even then, that may not be the whole truth!

Maybe she’s on onlyfans or sells pictures of her feet online 😂

I'm always going out to shows, or a meal, or nights away. I'm on minimum wage and definitely not loaded!
Surely you can understand that everyone's outgoings are different though?
Mortgage is paid off for me so that makes a big difference and no debt so very little outgoings at the mo.

I’m baffled that you’re baffled tbh.
My colleagues and I are all on the same salary plus or minus a maximum of 3k depending on whereabouts on our particular point of the payscale you’re on, half of us are on the top, the other are a mix.
We all live wildly different lifestyles based on a huge multitude of external factors. It doesn’t take much pondering to figure out why someone is living it up or down compared to you!

She sounds like me. I earn less than her but my DH earns 4 x what I do and we have joint finances. I go on holidays and out to dinner and he spends on tech.

My money is mine, I pay for quite a few things others probably find extravagant. My husband pays mortgage etc and also earns enough to pay for holidays 🤷‍♀️

It doesn’t sound like she is being rude to you or bragging about it so not sure why it bothers you enough to post about it?

£50k is about £3k a month take home pay. If her mortgage and bills aren’t any more than about £1500 she has plenty of money for travel and going out.

😆😆

She perhaps came into money from family or just has savings built up? I've inherited money from a great auntie and grandparents in the past so I'm sure colleagues may have thought the same about me.

Still have all my parents and in-laws, inheritance doesn't need to be strictly form parents.

Well clearly she is getting the money from somewhere! ... Her family could've come into money - gifted by grandparents, gifted by business windfall from a family member, perhaps her parents pay for all her holidays (my friends parents pay for all their family holidays to center parcs, abroad, Disney etc - but naturally she doesn't tell anyone and puts it all over Facebook like they're rolling in it!!).

Op are you going to come back and tell us why you are so baffled or is it one of them threads

Clearly DH earns very well and/or they have a very small mortgage. I don’t think it’s weird whatsoever.

I don’t earn much, my husband earns loads. My colleagues are probably thinking the same as you OP.

Haha. I'm betting it's choice 3--head of the underground crime syndicate.