AIBU to be baffled by colleague on same wage living lavishly?

50k is a lot though...

Me and my husband don't make much more than 50k, combined. Last year we had 4 foreign holidays, including Rome. We just booked cheap flights and accommodation. In 2024 we took 2 foreign holidays (1st was a week 2nd was 10 days) plus 2 uk holidays. This year, I'm on maternity leave but we've already had a trip to Iceland and a uk break. We have atleast 1 more foreign holiday (Disneyland Paris) and 1 more UK break planned. Plus we're about to book a ski holiday for next Easter.
If travelling is your thing you make it work. Maybe there's things you spend more on than she does. Maybe her daily living expenses are less than yours, maybe her husband earns more. Is her mum paying for the spa day? Someone else paying for the meals out? Stop comparing and just live your life. If you want to travel more then find cheap flights and accommodation or cut back somewhere else. 50k is a decent salary, depending on where you live. It's higher than the average UK salary, so maybe look at your own expenses and spending habits before worrying about other people's.

You don’t know how much her partner earns, if she fully owns a property with no mortgagee, if she has family money inherited. Good on her! Let her enjoy! Some people choose to spend and enjoy and others not! I have a friend who is a multimillionaire and she always complains everything is expensive. This is what drives me mad to be honest!

I remember envying a colleague her lifestyle - she could afford more than me (who also had a small child at the time) because her MIL was basically providing free childcare.

I could have been her. I had a low paid admin job in a school (so I was off with DC in the holidays). I didn't need to work because DH was earning v good money at the time. We lived well and really didn't need my salary but I liked to work. I would save my earnings and at the end of the year I'd treat me and DC to a sunshine holiday and the rest would go towards paying down the mortgage.

Isn’t that hard tbh. Keep your debt low or don’t have it at all. Car via work scheme.
last year I did 2 hols to Italy via wowcher. Trip to Paris and saw an amazing show my bf paid for it for my birthday. Took my daughter to Paris Disney for her birthday and did a day in actual Paris again via wowcher I went to Devon as well.

this year I’m going to Greece x2 going to Ireland next week and I’m querying whether i could afford to go abroad for Xmas I earn 40k and I am a single income house with 2 kids. It’s rather cheap to go to Rome on wowcher especially if your only taking one child I really want to go with my eldest dd aged 16 but my 11 year old won’t accept that because the 16 year old will be adamant she goes to London in august when I take the youngest to see stranger things so I can’t go to Rome

Or it’s the only roof where all the pigeons line up for a bit of warmth?

Agreed! OP, does the snow melt on her roof faster than you can say “Weed”?

For every person that boasts about their amazing life, I would willing to bet that that there are at least three times as many, that keep their private business just that - private!
It is also pretty crass to envy someone who inherited money. Spectators can be so jealous of their lack of financial stress that they forget that they lost someone to gain that inheritance.
Comparison IS the thief of joy - they do not owe you an explanation.

Gosh, there could be so many reasons for this you can't begin to count. Parents, partner, savings, access to special discounts...

However, I understand from your post you are outside London. Outside London you can have a pretty comfortable life on that salary if you are not the sole earner.

Thinking about where I work, non-managerial employees make around 35-40k. From my immediate team, 4-6 holidays a year is not uncommon, owning multiple properties as a couple is not uncommon, several meals out per week is not uncommon, including fine dining ones. A few people have brand new SUVs or EVs. However, there are also a few people that barely make ends meet, e.g. adult mums who live with their parents with their kids etc.

Personally I live like the work colleague you mentioned but I tend to be discreet about it as I realise that many people feel under pressure, and just not talk about my private life much to avoid this kind of comparison.

I know people who have ‘private income’ e.g. family business or trust, inheritance received as a child that’s in a fund or similar. My DSSs all benefit from such an income and their very comfortable lifestyles certainly don’t match what people would think by the modest salaries that their respective jobs pay. My XH’s family had a firm that was very successful so although he was really a Director in name only, and only turned up for the Annual Board meeting, his shares meant that he received fat dividends a couple of times a year.

Just throwing this in the mix because I've personally known it happen three times over two different jobs. First time, chap with non working wife lets it be known child now at private school, everyone quite surprised and wondered how he could afford it, along with the holidays abroad and weekends away. Turns out he was diddling our clients, suspended sentence. Second time, same job, admin girl planning big holiday for her, husband and two kids to US, staying at Disney. We all raised eyebrows again. She was accepting cash payments and keeping them. She got fined - and then got a job in a bank! Third one was the biggest. Started same day as me, always little digs that I was on a higher salary as she thought her job was more important. Talked incessantly about money, kid at private school, fancy all inclusive holidays. I left and was then told she'd been making up clients and taking out loans for them that got paid into the same account her salary went into. Got 3 years as it was a substantial amount. Hope your co-worker isn't up to anything like that!

Inheritance, massively rich spouse, is exaggerating, is lying about credit cards / use of credit, just prioritises different spending, has no mortgage to pay. Could be a whole raft of reasons.

God no! My colleagues aren’t rude.

Tbf, £50k is a high salary. I'm on 46 ish and do a fair few weeks/ weekends away and dinners out, it's just what I choose to spend my money on. No debt except mortgage in London.

Not that it's any of your business but there are lots of reasons this may be... Inheritance from someone meaning that mortgage already paid off, husband earning larger amounts, smaller mortgage because they are in a smaller house, better budgeting. Comparison is the thief of joy. Focus on you, I would.

Perhaps she just has a rich mindset. I’m sure to the untrained eye I’m living the life of Riley but the odds are that if I’m travelling, the I’ve organised a home exchange and chosen the cheapest time to fly. I have accessories that I’ve thrifted that can elevate any outfit and make it look expensive. I take advantage of any bogof tickets, I book early, I mix high and low in all things. And I FEEL so rich! Not with the things money can buy but with my health, my family and friends, my opportunities and experiences, love. There’s so much to be grateful for. Comparison is the their of joy … maybe look at what you do have, not what you don’t.

Just to be clear - you work in the public sector? And you expect your employer (the tax payer) to always accommodate your time off if there is a family crisis? Just because your husband works in finance doesn’t mean that the taxpayer should cover the crisis.

I apologise if I have misunderstood but after many years of working in HR in the NHS, I had so many discussions with staff who swore there was no way their husbands could take a minute off work to look after sick children or cover inset days. That left wards short, teams understaffed, agency costs….

I have a friend like this. She earns well (but not hugely), her husband is on minimum wage but they travel a lot, eat out twice a week, kids in private school and lots of shopping trips away etc...

Her parents are millionaires - paid for their children's homes, pay the grandchildren's school fees, give them a £1000 a month allowance and pay for all foreign travel (up to three trips a year). My friend is absolutely lovely, understands how lucky she is and very open with close friends about it.

She and her husband work hard but have these extra benefits that allow them to live a lifestyle that would be otherwise out of their reach.

Top 10% apparently. I earn 50k of that, dh earns over 70k. However, that is just our base, so we get bonuses and we both earn overtime also. Last year I earned about 64k and dh 80k.

I have thw opposite. I'm confused on why my collageue on sama salary is always so skint. I mean, i understand she spends more loney and I do. But when someone on my salary is asking about how much I pay for my haircut cause she needs to save or how we need more salary cause it would be nice to afford a restaursnt trip once a year.

But my guess with yiur colleague is that her husbands makes decent money and with combined income they're comfortable.

But do your colleagues say those things about you, or (like most on this thread), understand that most people know NOTHING about their colleague's personal finances?

A lifestyle of going out on Friday and Saturday and sometimes going on holiday within Europe? It's not like they're living like millionaires.

Oh, well you didn't say Euro or £, but either way I bet it's still about the same.

Not obviously at all. I earn about that, DH earns slightly more. We've paid off our mortgage. Don't have any big debts/loans. And pay for holidays etc out of savings not credit.