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“You are lucky to get £7”

192 replies

LemonadeCake · 28/03/2026 22:20

I’ve been debating whether to just close my child maintenance claim altogether. My ex pays £7 a week and always has and realistically, it’s been years, he’s never going to get a job, so it’s not likely to change.

I mentioned this to someone and they told me I was “lucky” to even get £7 because they get nothing 🤦‍♀️

Am I being unreasonable to feel a bit annoyed by that? Am I really supposed to feel grateful for £7 a week? It barely covers anything it might as well be nothing, and honestly sometimes I think I’d rather it was nothing than this token amount that makes no real difference but means he can say he “pays” for the children. Theres been times when I’ve got nothing due to him having debts that take priority but I’ve never once felt anyone else was lucky to receive maintenance for their children.

They then said their ex has the kids every other weekend so that’s why they don’t get anything… but if I’m honest, I’d rather have that arrangement. At least then you’ve got some time to yourself and a bit less day-to-day cost. But obviously that’s not something you can say out loud without it sounding awful but it’s ok to tell me I'm lucky?

Is the bar really this low now? 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
OneNewEagle · 28/03/2026 23:03

It’s an insulting amount I agree but still take it. I’d use it for a day out per month or save it all up and once a year do something Approx £300 would be enough for a weekend away in a caravan.

If my ex had been made to pay me anything I’d have taken it. I was a lone parent after an awful court case stopping all contact. So I got no weekends or days or hours off and not one penny of child maintenance. now my dc is a grown up I can proudly know I covered every day every meal every need alone but my situation is not the norm. at the time I just felt sad that my friends got cm and eowe to themselves and I was working 3 jobs to feed us.

comparison is such a negative thing and just makes everyone feel worse.

LemonadeCake · 28/03/2026 22:50

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 28/03/2026 22:49

They don’t mean that they literally see you as lucky, it’s just a casual way to compare like for like and say they don’t get as much of that (regardless of contact etc)

They said you are lucky to get that as I get nothing, as stated I got nothing for 3 years, never occurred to me to think anyone else was lucky

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 28/03/2026 22:49

LemonadeCake · 28/03/2026 22:20

I’ve been debating whether to just close my child maintenance claim altogether. My ex pays £7 a week and always has and realistically, it’s been years, he’s never going to get a job, so it’s not likely to change.

I mentioned this to someone and they told me I was “lucky” to even get £7 because they get nothing 🤦‍♀️

Am I being unreasonable to feel a bit annoyed by that? Am I really supposed to feel grateful for £7 a week? It barely covers anything it might as well be nothing, and honestly sometimes I think I’d rather it was nothing than this token amount that makes no real difference but means he can say he “pays” for the children. Theres been times when I’ve got nothing due to him having debts that take priority but I’ve never once felt anyone else was lucky to receive maintenance for their children.

They then said their ex has the kids every other weekend so that’s why they don’t get anything… but if I’m honest, I’d rather have that arrangement. At least then you’ve got some time to yourself and a bit less day-to-day cost. But obviously that’s not something you can say out loud without it sounding awful but it’s ok to tell me I'm lucky?

Is the bar really this low now? 🤷‍♀️

They don’t mean that they literally see you as lucky, it’s just a casual way to compare like for like and say they don’t get as much of that (regardless of contact etc)

Pickledonion1999 · 28/03/2026 22:47

Yes it's a ridiculous amount but if he's on benefits I guess he doesn't have much to live on. Excluding health reasons these men should be made to take any job to support their kids. It's shocking what they get away with.

SheSaidHummingbird · 28/03/2026 22:45

@LemonadeCake This is intra-team rivalry. You're both victims of the system. You both deserve more. More help, more money, more sympathy, more support.

Solutionssought2026 · 28/03/2026 22:45

You don’t have to have any ties with him. You just take the money. And put it in the children’s bank account accounts you’d be surprised what it will add up to with compounded interest by the time the child is 18.

RhaenysRocks · 28/03/2026 22:44

I like the idea of ring fencing the £28 and doing something with it each month, if you can afford to..a day out, or a meal or a subscription or something. I mean its beyond pathetic but we all know this.

TMFF · 28/03/2026 22:44

LemonadeCake · 28/03/2026 22:40

That wouldn’t be the reason I want to close it it’s because I want no further ties to him. He doesn’t see our children and I don’t want anything from him if he doesn’t want to be a father I don’t want to chase him for pennies.

I get it, honestly we're just different that's all.

I'd be asking myself would I buy him a gift every month worth £28?

Some expensive wine, chocolates, a new shirt, or treat him to a takeaway?

No I bloody wouldn't, so I wouldn't be gifting him the money either, which is exactly what you're doing if you close the claim.

Although I get why you might see it differently.

illsendansostotheworld · 28/03/2026 22:42

Always someone who wants to be more hard done by op. £7 is an absolute insult.

LemonadeCake · 28/03/2026 22:40

That wouldn’t be the reason I want to close it it’s because I want no further ties to him. He doesn’t see our children and I don’t want anything from him if he doesn’t want to be a father I don’t want to chase him for pennies.

OP posts:
TMFF · 28/03/2026 22:37

LemonadeCake · 28/03/2026 22:36

I’d be better off financially though if my ex had them 4 weekends a month than paying £7 and never seeing them so it’s all relative but I’d be shot down in flames if I said someone was lucky they got 4 weekends a month.

You would be but it's hypothetical as it's not going to happen.

Don't close the claim because of it.

LemonadeCake · 28/03/2026 22:36

TheChosenTwo · 28/03/2026 22:34

£7 is an embarrassingly disgraceful ‘contribution’ towards you raising children.
My pride would immediately tell him I was donating this elsewhere just so he didn’t think I was relying on it because it’s a pitiful gesture.
You aren’t lucky at all op.

Thanks thats why I want to cancel it because it’s a pathetic contribution

OP posts:
TMFF · 28/03/2026 22:36

But I wouldn't close the claim.

I'd put the £28 away each month for the kids when they're older.

But obviously I'd tell them YOU saved that money for them because you did.

LemonadeCake · 28/03/2026 22:36

TMFF · 28/03/2026 22:30

I suppose when you're getting nothing at all, £28 per month is better than a kick in the arse.

But I totally get what you mean OP.

I’d be better off financially though if my ex had them 4 weekends a month than paying £7 and never seeing them so it’s all relative but I’d be shot down in flames if I said someone was lucky they got 4 weekends a month.

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 28/03/2026 22:34

£7 is an embarrassingly disgraceful ‘contribution’ towards you raising children.
My pride would immediately tell him I was donating this elsewhere just so he didn’t think I was relying on it because it’s a pitiful gesture.
You aren’t lucky at all op.

TMFF · 28/03/2026 22:30

I suppose when you're getting nothing at all, £28 per month is better than a kick in the arse.

But I totally get what you mean OP.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 28/03/2026 22:21

The bar is in hell girl 🥺 x