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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do other parents see car seats just as cosmetic / a polite courtesy?

162 replies

Octagonchecker · 28/03/2026 22:02

Since my DD7 started school we have had 3 occasions where she was offered a lift somewhere by another parent, but they only had one car seat, and when I said oh no she can't travel without a car seat, they said my DD could have the car seat and they would have their own child ride without one. As if the car seat is not essential, and it's polite to give it to the guest, the way you might give up your seat on the sofa. On these occasions they looked at me like I was a right weirdo when I said don't worry we'll walk. But I would never be happy seeing another little kid ride without a car seat and potentially come to harm so that my DD could have their seat!

DD has been invited to a birthday party where the mum plans to pick up 4 of them from school and take them to a venue in a different part of town (will be on the dual carriageway). DD absolutely wants to go to this party, it's a close friend. But there is no way the mum has 4 car seats, the birthday girl is an only child. So I assume the plan is to just not have car seats. But all the other mums are saying yeah sounds great! I don't know how to bring it up without sounding like a total party pooper since nobody else has mentioned it. And I feel like if I did bring it up she might say that my DD can have her child's car seat and she will ride without, like every other time this has happened? I can't take DD to the venue myself though because I've got my younger one to pick up from nursery during the party and DH has the car that day anyway so it's not an option. I'm wondering whether I'm the weirdo in this situation.

OP posts:
Ella31 · 28/03/2026 23:54

150cm is the rule herr in Ireland. Really dont get the it's only a short journey theory either on here. It only takes a split second for a serious collision to happen on any length of a journey. Better safe than sorry.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 28/03/2026 23:40

We always had a few booster seats in the loft or boot to either give our DC to take or to give other kids lifts. They aren't legal to buy new for children under 125cm though!

SENDChaos · 28/03/2026 23:37

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 28/03/2026 23:34

Full HBB seat. In Spain, Italy, Germany, Ireland and other countries the regulation is to 150cm, not 135cm.

Fair enough.

like I said, it’s not anyone else’s choice but yours 🎉🎉

Trainup · 28/03/2026 23:36

Totally the norm to always use a car seat here. If giving DD’s friends a lift I will tell the parents I’ll get her seat from our second car so they both have a seat.. or if that’s not possible arrange to pick up their own seat… and vice versa.

However when we gave nephew a lift SIL said he didn’t need a seat. But he’s shorter than DD so I knew it was illegal. We did use a car seat.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 28/03/2026 23:34

SENDChaos · 28/03/2026 23:31

Is it a full seat or booster seat?

Full HBB seat. In Spain, Italy, Germany, Ireland and other countries the regulation is to 150cm, not 135cm.

marcyhermit · 28/03/2026 23:33

Octagonchecker · 28/03/2026 23:13

Quite a few people saying their DC was over the height limit at 7. My DD is one of the tallest in her class and still only about 130cm, the legal minimum for no seat is 135. It can't be that common to be 135cm at age 7?

Honestly in my experience once children get to around 5/6, parents put them on a backless booster cushion with an adult seatbelt and treat the booster as something for comfort not safety. Therefore just polite to offer to the guest.

Cherryicecreamx · 28/03/2026 23:31

Yeah when a school mum offered a lift recently, the other mum's gave her their car seats.

SENDChaos · 28/03/2026 23:31

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 28/03/2026 23:29

Will be 14 later this year, and about 145cm tall. He seems happy to use it and comfortable enough. Why wouldn't I?

Is it a full seat or booster seat?

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 28/03/2026 23:29

SENDChaos · 28/03/2026 23:26

Think it depends what you mean by teen. 🤣🤣

either way, your the mum, he’s your child and that choice is yours and yours alone ❤️❤️

Will be 14 later this year, and about 145cm tall. He seems happy to use it and comfortable enough. Why wouldn't I?

Mrscharlieeeee · 28/03/2026 23:27

When I took DS and his friends bowling the other month, I made sure I had car seats for everyone. They’re 7/8 years old. I do know other parents who have lax attitudes to car seats at this age. I don’t think DS will need one by September but until he reaches that height he’ll be using one.

SENDChaos · 28/03/2026 23:26

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 28/03/2026 23:23

My teen still uses one! Just about fits... I get side eye from his friends and parents.

In many countries however the minimum height limit to stop using a car seat is 150cm, so I'm using them until then.

Think it depends what you mean by teen. 🤣🤣

either way, your the mum, he’s your child and that choice is yours and yours alone ❤️❤️

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 28/03/2026 23:23

SENDChaos · 28/03/2026 23:15

Isn’t it also based on weight as well? My boys nearly 12 so been a while since I was worrying about car seats! 🤣🤣

My teen still uses one! Just about fits... I get side eye from his friends and parents.

In many countries however the minimum height limit to stop using a car seat is 150cm, so I'm using them until then.

SENDChaos · 28/03/2026 23:22

ScrambledEggs12 · 28/03/2026 23:19

I think it depends on height really. I'm more relaxed now as my 9 year old is well over 135cm, she always uses a booster seat for longer journeys. My 11 year old is 167cm so taller than me and well out of car seats....

I don’t actually know my boys height but I’m 5’5 and he’s not far off my height 🤣🤣

he sits in the front with me unless we’re going on a dual carriage or motorway. He’s in the back for those journeys

Anononony · 28/03/2026 23:21

Party mum may be planning to collect your car seat? That's what I did for my 6yo birthday recently, collected the car seats and a change of clothes while the kids were at school

ScreamingBeans · 28/03/2026 23:21

Er, no. It's an essential safety item.

I really don't get the idea that once in a blue moon it's okay or for short journeys. Imagine applying that logic to seat belts. The whole point of any safety thing in a car, is that you can have a collision at any time and so you use the safety features every single time.

And lol at the relatives who say they are good drivers. Like that's got anything to do with whether you have a collision or not. Can't believe how stupid some people are to be honest.

CandyEnclosingInvisible · 28/03/2026 23:21

You aren't unreasonable to insist on a car seat but by 7 years old a child is safe enough with a backpack travel car seat like the Urban Kanga Wallaroo and if as it seens you are this regularly in a position where you are having to turn down opportunities due to lack of a car seat I think this would be a good investment.

XelaM · 28/03/2026 23:20

Octagonchecker · 28/03/2026 22:14

I didn't consider giving her our car seat oddly enough!

Why not? What's your problem with that?

SkibidiSigma · 28/03/2026 23:19

No way are the vast majority of 7 year olds over the limit for a seat. I don't even like my 7 year old going on a normal booster, which he does in his sister's car. He's in a high backed booster in ours. I would never let him travel without a seat at his size except in an emergency in taxi for example, if it really couldn't be helped

ScrambledEggs12 · 28/03/2026 23:19

I think it depends on height really. I'm more relaxed now as my 9 year old is well over 135cm, she always uses a booster seat for longer journeys. My 11 year old is 167cm so taller than me and well out of car seats....

DingleDungle · 28/03/2026 23:18

Octagonchecker · 28/03/2026 23:13

Quite a few people saying their DC was over the height limit at 7. My DD is one of the tallest in her class and still only about 130cm, the legal minimum for no seat is 135. It can't be that common to be 135cm at age 7?

A PP mentions her kids well exceeding it at 7 and refers to other 7 year olds who don't as 'short'. 😂

SplodgeWaddler · 28/03/2026 23:18

I have a spare booster for this reason.

youalright · 28/03/2026 23:15

We have a spare booster in the boot but I wouldn't be overly concerned at this age if they didn't have one for a short journey.

SENDChaos · 28/03/2026 23:15

Octagonchecker · 28/03/2026 23:13

Quite a few people saying their DC was over the height limit at 7. My DD is one of the tallest in her class and still only about 130cm, the legal minimum for no seat is 135. It can't be that common to be 135cm at age 7?

Isn’t it also based on weight as well? My boys nearly 12 so been a while since I was worrying about car seats! 🤣🤣

Octagonchecker · 28/03/2026 23:13

Quite a few people saying their DC was over the height limit at 7. My DD is one of the tallest in her class and still only about 130cm, the legal minimum for no seat is 135. It can't be that common to be 135cm at age 7?

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/03/2026 23:13

I remember my DS going to a 7th birthday which involved the kids going in the family’s cars, and only I and one other mum (whose dc was August born and only just 6) asking to drop off a booster for our kids. Which to be fair they were fine with.

It was really kind of the family to drive them - and to be fair their own dc was an exceptionally tall September born - but I was so surprised so few other parents wanted to drop a car seat or booster off. These were 6 yos!