To ask if she overstepped the boundary or if I’m being unreasonable?

I think you should get a separate work phone for clients. She definitely overstepped, your DH is correct. She must be extremely desperate if you’re the only person she could reach out to though, poor woman.

Yes but the OP is also a human, and empathetic people can easily be taken advantage of. People in need should usually be guided towards someone who has the energetic resources and sometimes the training to be able to deal appropriately with whatever the person wants to share- which could be anything. And harm can be done in both directions when the relationship is blurred or if the material being shared is difficult or if the advice given is uninformed.

Not often I agree with DHs on here but I do agree with yours!
You have been kind enough to listen but you’re not a therapist or mental health professional so be careful here. In these jobs they have strict professional boundaries for their own sake as well as the client/patient. Refer her onto her GP or Samaritans or something and don’t let her latch onto you, it’ll help neither of you.

But this is a hairdresser not a therapist. A hairdresser who advertises her personal number on her business card. And who probably talks to clients like they’re friends (as most hairdressers do!) so to compare the OP to a therapist with a patient confidentiality agreement is ridiculous.

I'd get that removed. I'm not a hairdresser but I work with the public, I have a separate work mobile and that is turned off outside of working hours.

It’s not up to your dh if you choose to help. I have to admit, your first post reminded me of an old friend I used to have, I can’t articulate it but you sound kind of self doubting. My friend’s DH used to get huffy if she helped people and would tell her other people had crossed a line.

Saying that, my sil also used to give out her mobile number to clients and also post stuff in Facebook RE suicide along the lines “if anyone reading this is struggling and thinking the unthinkable , please just phone me”. And she then kind of complains when they do.

I’d think if she seems like she needs help, and YOU want to help her, then go for it, just be careful you don’t get sucked up in it. Dont say no just because your dh tells you to.

Some unbelievable responses here. What boundary?! She’s a human being going through a tough time, reaching out to another human being! I can’t believe the people saying ignore her, or she’s ‘just a client’.

I would like to ask the posters saying the above to imagine one of their children, their sister, their mum etc going through a really tough period and the only person they felt they could talk to in that moment was their hairdresser. Would you want the hairdresser to ignore the call because they’re ‘just a client’? We’re all human beings first and foremost.

OP, You might be the only person in the world she feels able to talk to right now.

Why do we as a society constantly tell people to
reach out and talk to someone when we’re needing support if this is the reception they’re going to get?!

Bizarre.

FWIW actual counsellors and therapists have boundaries around when clients are allowed to contact them (and for what) because it’s so important to maintain separation from them, partly because counselling is so draining and the therapist (you in this case) needs to protect their own energy. You can’t be on call for all your clients, what if they all start doing this or if she starts ringing you up at 3am or something. Don’t feel guilty for asserting an appropriate boundary.

Agree with other posters that I wouldn't want to think that someone was alone and desperate. But, from your update, it sounds like she is latching on to you.

Can you do a Google of relevant support services in your area and point her in that direction?

If she calls again, then don't take the call and message her a little while later to say you are out to dinner, or have family round etc. It's one thing not wanting to brush off someone in their hour of need - but you need to protect yourself otherwise you could very easily be sucked in.

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Think about it, why did she phone her hairdresser? You’re a virtual stranger to her. If she’s in a bad way, what can you realistically do? What you need to do is advise her to speak to her GP, get counselling, phone the Samaritans (who are trained to deal with this situation), phone 111 (who could provide mental health support) etc.

She was obviously very low and desperate. It's lovely of you to listen and help her. When someone commits suicide there's always so much talk of "Always speak to someone" etc but then so many just don't care and don't want to listen. I'm sure she was very grateful for your care.

She was obviously desperate and you were kind to let her talk and listen to her. My concern would be that the level of support she is looking for may increase and you may not be comfortable or confident enough to deal with it. Essentially she is an acquaintance at best and you might end up receiving a lot more calls for help going forward. I’d want to say I was happy to help in her immediate crisis but look for other areas of support so she doesn’t lean on you too much

I have my hairdressers personal number (as do all her clients) but I only use it if I have to query or change an appointment.

I personally wouldn't be happy about this OP and I would probably use her next appointment to gently talk about boundaries and that your number is only really for business purposes.

Its not unusual for a vulnerable person to start to depend on anyone who takes care of them and is kind even just for an hour or so. Tricky for you l because her need of you may increase the more you meet it. You may need to tell her that though you care about her and sympathise, you are not supposed to get too close to your clients so in future you'll only be able to chat during appointments.

I think you can reinstate the boundary (that she’s broken). You can say look, I don’t think I’m the right person to help you with [this], here is a number for [a counsellor/samaritans/similar]. I’d love to do your hair and help you that way, but I’m not a counsellor.

ATEOTD you don’t actually know what support looks like to this woman and from her calling out of the blue and then messaging you as well, after, she sounds quite full on and needy. You can disengage with kindness, and if she’s reasonable she’ll see that you’re right to do that.

She may have but if someone does then its on the person whose boundaries who have been overstepped to put them clearly in place. You didn’t say anything so I can’t help but feel like it’s on you. If she was desperate and not thinking straight (I cannot imagine calling someone who wasn’t a friend otherwise) then how can she know unless you ensure she does.

You don’t need to support her OP. It’s ok to put yourself first

Your DH is right you could use some clear professional boundaries.

I agree with your husband. It may sound harsh, but she’s a client, not a friend. Either she called you because she dialled the wrong number by accident, was desperate, or her usual contacts/friends are fed of her so are ignoring her.

Don’t get sucked into her drama. I know you said she’s having a hard time, and you want to help, but that’s how these situations start. Refer her to the gp, Samaritans, council etc if she needs help.

i don’t think you need to explicitly say to her that she’s crossed a boundary, but just don’t respond to her demands. However, you say you’re ’happy to help’, so feel it may be too late, and she’s sucked you in already.

How does she have your personal mobile number? If someone gave me their mobile number, I'd assume we were friends. You need to put clear boundaries in yourself, and that should start with not giving clients your personal number.

Ah, I think you're going to have to say something to her. I know it's awkward and you probably feel bad for her. Doesn't she have anyone else she can talk too? You don't want to be drained emotionally, by someone else's problems.