To ask if she overstepped the boundary or if I’m being unreasonable?

How about you? Are you happy with this?

I honestly can't fathom why she has called you. You say you have no friendship so its a really odd choice. The fact that she has an appointment with you Tuesday makes me think she is going to try and get out of paying. Make you sympathetic to her plight then not have the money to pay right now....

@Scripturientits not uncommon for someone who has perfectly normal levels of empathy to give an upset human the time of day when they’re desperate. Are you trying to say you’d just go, “sorry I’m your hairdresser not your friend” and hang up? If you would it says more about you than me or the op. She’s considering her boundaries now, and whether she will take the support forward. Her husband doesn’t have a place in that process, unless it seriously encroaches in their married life. Which it so far has not. He’s a controlling twat still being off about it once she’s made her position clear on it.

DH is exhibiting major red flags.

Your husband is a cold hearted twat who sounds controlling.

Your problem here isn't with your client. You sound perfectly able to deal with that, and if it gets too much I am sure you will find a way to put boundaries in place.

Your problem is with your husband. It's YOUR life, YOUR choice how you use your time and emotional energy.

He sounds like a controlling shit. What the Hell has it got to do with him who you speak to?

I feel furious on your behalf.

Only she isn’t dealing. She’s clearly a people pleaser with poor boundaries, who overrode her own discomfort at being lengthily offloaded on by a client at home at the weekend — a client she says she has no friendship with, and who has a lot of problems, clearly has no friends, and who has continued to call and text her multiple times, at the weekend, on her private number.

Focusing on her husband’s annoyance at his wife’s people-pleasing and poor boundaries is a red herring.

I think your DH is being weird about this. Its ok for him to express his opinion but to go on and on about it to the point of having fights with you about it is OTT in my opinion. Is he like this about other things when you dont agree with him? Hes coming across abusive at this point. You are a grown woman and can make your own decisions in life.

The suspicious side of me would wonder why hes so desperate to stop you talking to her? Could something have happened between them? It is weird she called you in the first place.

Does he usually ask you who you are texting? Why is it his business? I’m getting uneasy vibes about your husband the more you post. It wasn’t ideal the woman called you, but you sound happy to help her. Did you feel uncomfortable because of her or because of your husbands reaction? Do you get to spend time talking to friends on the phone etc? Or does he control your friendships?

@Scripturient we don’t know anything about this person or how long she’s known the hairdresser. I’ve been going to mine 12 years and I know if I was desperate she’d help me, we’ve also discussed similar experiences on many occasions. Someone asking for help doesn’t make them a write off. I’ve got plenty enduring healthy friendships thanks.

The point of my post is it’s not her husband’s place to give her shit about who op is texting or who she chooses to help in her own time. If it got to the point where op is uncomfortable helping the woman she’s more than able at her big age to deal with that herself.

That’s what I think this isn’t about the woman, it’s about her husbands bullying and controlling behaviour, which is abusive, and this is just an example.

The issue here is not rhe woman, it’s your husband and the utter disrespect he has for you. He should not be involved in this, you’re a grown up and have freedom of choice, you don’t need his permission.

so you need to get that sorted, I am going to guess this isn’t the first time he’s tried to bully and pressurise you, shown you he’s unhappy worh you if you don’t do as he says.

so id say probably you both need help, you and rhis woman. I cannot imagine a scenario my husband behaved like yours, it is controlling and unacceptable and shows a completely disrespect for you.

He doesn’t get to dictate how you spend your time. He’s given his opinion and you can say something along the lines of yes, I see what you are saying and I’ve decided that I’m going to help this woman. That should be the end of it.

he shouldn’t be going mad at you, stomping off and giving you are hard time.

Is he controlling in other ways?

Your posts aren’t really about your client are they? You are telling us about your husband. What else can you tell us about him?

This is nuts. A distressed client phones the hairdresser she barely knows and cries for ninety minutes at her on a Friday night — and you’re making this about friendship? There’s no friendship whatsoever here. We have no idea why the client phoned her hairdresser, but nothing about trauma dumping for an hour and a half on a virtual stranger says’ meeting of minds’ or indicates any particularly liking for the client on the OP’s part.

If you really think that crying down the phone to your hairdresser, beautician or dry cleaner is a nice way way to start a friendship, I think you should really think again about your ideas of friendship.

Whilst I think that your DH could have valid points - this person sounds like they need a lot of support and it may take a lot of your time to provide it… his response is also very strong.

Would the support impact family life at all? Or does he know this client and it’s awkward? Just feels that his reaction is very disproportionate to what actually happened .

Does your husband control all your friendships? If you like her and could see a friendship forming then lean into it and support her. If you’re not arsed, give her the mumber for local charities and tell her you’re not in a position to help. Whichever of these decisions you make has precisely fuck all to do with your husband. Do you tell him who he can golf with, when he can text them and who and when he can’t? No. Because you’re not a controlling arse and I bet he’d tell you where to go pronto if you tried.

He’s the problem here, and I bet this is part of a bigger control issue. This is why I’m no longer married, these men think they can make decisions for you that have absolutely nothing to do with them. You are your own person and entitled to choose who you give your time, support and friendship to. Also you decide where your boundaries lie. Does he insist you can never have a friend that started off a client? Does he have friends from work? Of course he does.

He's completely right. You're being too soft.

Ask yourself why? She's calling someone she doesn't know as a friend but as a professional she pays to provide a service to help her with her personal life problems. That's a massive red flag. She will drain the life out of you if you're not careful. I don't think you should engage further with this, when she messages you, send her links to Samaritans/debt support charity/domestic abuse service/mental health line/whatever is appropriate for the problems she is having and tell her you can't support her any further, you're a professional providing a service and whilst you care about her welfare, you aren't able to provide the kind of support she's looking for.

I bet all her former friends have quietly put distance between them or blocked her. Listen to your DH. This will not end well. Stop communicating before she becomes fixated with you. I hope she doesn’t know where you live.

Well, I don’t know the OP, obviously, but from her being prepared to spend an hour and a half on the phone to a crying client she barely knows at 7pm on a Friday evening, it’s possible she has a track record of poor boundaries, and her DH sees a future of more lengthy weepy phone calls. I grew up as the eldest daughter of a woman like this, who had no boundaries and was a magnet for the unfortunate and lonely, who would get up in the middle of a family dinner to listen to an hour-long monologue from someone who couldn’t have picked her out of a police lineup.

You haven't put in place a boundary for her to cross. If you wanted to you could have ended the call at any point but you chose not to (I'm not making a judgement on this, just reflecting what you've told us).
Your husband isn't happy with that. It isn't clear why. Could he be jealous because he wanted to spend that time with you? Pissed off that he had to put kids to bed as you were busy? Genuine worry for your wellbeing? Something else?

I think it's strange she called you as you'd assume she had other people that she'd ring. My suggestion would be...

• Ask her (on Tuesday at her appointment) how she is
• Mention you're surprised she called
• Make a jokey lighthearted comment that she's lucky you picked up the call as you're notoriously bad at answering the phone (even if you aren't, you can pretend this is the case)
• Let her know it's good to talk if she's feeling low and ask her who else she calls for support
• Signpost her to services like Talking Therapies or Samaritans in case she can't get hold of someone
• Save her phone number so you're not caught out again unprepared and can decide if you want to receive the call or not

Obviously if you're more comfortable just telling her outright not to call about personal issues then go for it! You will know better than us if she sounded vulnerable and which approach might be more appropriate for her at the moment.

She has overstepped a boundary but you seem ok with that.

Your DH needs to accept your decision to help this woman.

Sounds like she needs a friend and sounds like you are happy to be that friend right now.

I know I said she’s needy, but as she has reached out, try and support her by directing her to who can actually help her. You haven’t said what the nature of her calls have been (and you don’t have to), but if it’s health, then call the gp, or get a counsellor, or call an appropriate organisation (Woman’s Aid, Shelter, bereavement charity etc). You’re not a counsellor or a trained professional, so don’t try and resolve her problems. She’s dumping her problem's on you, but they’re not your responsibility. Maybe you can prepare some contacts/resources/websites etc to give to her on Tuesday during the appointment.