To ask if she overstepped the boundary or if I’m being unreasonable?

How did the hair appointment go today?

Precisely. Or, since it's a hairdressers, just have them out on a table

Are you going to share anything else? Or just drop comments about your DH sulking at you? What have you done and said?

To me, it sounds as though your husband is trying to protect you. As a therapist, I have professional support to manage situations like this, and have clear professional boundaries. And as a friend to many people, I would act differently, because it’s a different relationship. The problem here is that this is not a friend you care about nor is it a therapist relationship. You don’t know the toll this is likely to take on you, or what the expectation is. You don’t even really seem to know her.
I think you need to be really careful about what you give, and how you support yourself, or you could end up causing harm, which is clearly not your intention.
signpost her to someone who can help her, and then for yourself make the choice about whether to carry on doing her hair.

Why not? Following their conversations, she can easily say that she’s considered their conversations, and printed out organisations that could help her , then pass over an envelope of the print outs.

Respectfully, she can’t rock up with a load of Samaritan leaflets 🤣.

I guess she has overstepped, but also she must see you as someone she feels she can trust. It’s nice that you’ve been messaging back etc, because it’s obviously what she needs.

I can understand your partners point of view, but he is being mega over the top about it. You can message whoever you like!

I'd say you did, actually. Not her.

She doesn't need to have boundaries, you do. You're the professional. You set your boundaries.

You should have a) not given out your personal number b) ended the conversation or made sure the "chat" was about her hair before you let her start.

Don't get me wrong, I'd probably do the same as I am a pushover. But it would be my fault, not hers.

If she comes for her appointment on Tuesday, I'd go in armed with some Samaritans leaflets and direct her there.

It might not even be her motive but this is 100% where it will end up. What will you say if she says “I’m so depressed because I look and feel awful but I can’t afford to pay you”? My best guess is she’s already planning that.

That is why your DH is saying have boundaries. You have a professional relationship. If you want a personal one, fine. You just can’t have both in these circumstances.

Has she sent more messages or tried to phone you again?

Your husband is correct, this woman is a client, not a close personal friend. Perhaps he can see the bigger picture, the fact that your time and energy is going to be drained by someone else's problems? The OP's husband sounds frustrated because she's facilitating this situation, by not putting in firm enough boundaries. Being kind is lovely, but that can very quickly escalate into you becoming a crutch for this woman.

I’d probably have listened for a bit and said ‘Look, Clare, I’m not sure what you’re looking for from me, but I will need to go in a few minutes. I’m sorry you’re feeling so distressed. Is there anyone you’d like me to contact on your behalf, or anything concrete I can do before I go?’ And I wouldn’t have picked up the phone again or replied to texts. I have a perfectly normal amount of empathy, but I don’t confuse ‘distressed client acting inappropriately’ with ‘friend in need’.

I wouldn’t do it, but I’d rather someone call me, whoever they are than hear they’d done something awful because they had nobody to talk to.

Linked thread.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5509546-friend-keeps-messaging-and-turning-up-unannounced-how-to-set-boundaries?page=10&reply=151375132

I’m also going to link this thread that’s running. There are a lot of parallels, but this friendship is several months in, and has turned a little sinister. It maybe worth reading.

Quote from the op.

“I have a friend (from work originally) who I got on well with at first – she can be fun and we’ve had some nice times together. However over the past few months I’ve started to feel increasingly uncomfortable.”

I don’t see the dh as controlling at all, but as being cautious with the turn of events, and being concerned with the situation, and how it has escalated.

Prior to Friday night, the client was just a client, someone she was due to see next Tuesday. However, to quote op, ‘she has been messaging/calling me a bit since she called me last night too. ‘ so from nothing to pestering, within the space of 24-48 hours. I get she may be in a bad way, but to put it bluntly, op is a hairdresser, not a trained professional.

I get that op wants to be a friend and be supportive, but Dh recognises the bigger picture.

I wouldn't have a 90 minute conversation on a Friday evening with someone I didn't consider a friend just because they were upset and had called me, no. I have a normal amount of empathy, excessive when it comes to those in my inner circle TBH, but this isn't having empathy, it's having poor boundaries.

I don’t think she has come across as needy in my opinion

You don’t think a client phoning her hairdresser in tears and then continuing to text them is at all needy?

Kindly, I think you’re very naive and have some sort of need to be a saviour. You’ve been warned by people on here (on the thread you started because you weren’t comfortable) your husband and your own gut.

Both things can be true, the client and the DH both seem to be overstepping here.

You sound like a very kind person, OP, but I do think you have a problem with boundaries.

This woman is a client, not a friend, and while it was lovely of you to be sympathetic towards her, I have the feeling that she is going to demand a lot of your time and energy. There may be a reason she doesn't have many other people in her life to go to. TBH it can be emotionally draining to provide that level of support even to a very good friend; to someone you only have a client relationship with is something you may well need to dial back. Can you be less available and direct her to other sources of support?

There's a boundary issue with your DH too. Fine for him to express an opinion, but he doesn't get to tell you what to do. He is not lord and master of your home and all who live in it.

Your husband is expressing it in a very controlling way, but he has a point.

Who on earth cries down the phone at their hairdresser two nights running? Someone scraping the barrel of her contacts; someone who has no boundaries. She needs signposting to support, be that Women's Aid, Samaritans, a charity that deals with whatever her specific issues are.

@Starinthesky1 , you have lost her as a client. When this crisis has passed, she'll feel so awkward about how much she told you that she'll fade away.

Protect your own headspace. Be gentle, but let her know you aren't qualified to help her or shoulder her burdens.

I assume OP is a lovely, empathetic person, who has spoken to kindly to this client in the past that the client has felt, here is someone who can listen and understand, when I am at my most desperate.

There would be nothing inappropriate in a hairdresser/client relationship transforming into a friendship. And it's not uncommon for female friendships to start with someone reaching out for support. After all, being a woman in this world can be hard at times.....

This is NO WAY means that OP is obliged to support this woman. If it feels too much for her, or she just doesn't want to, she would be well within her rights to put a gentle but firm stop to it - maybe suggest Samaritans or similar.....

But what SHOULD NOT be happening, is OP's husband dictating what OP can and can't do. That's the massive red flag here. And it seems to me from OP's post, that her husband is the one upsetting her and putting her under pressure. Not her client.