Stepson sleepover, upset neighbours

If the stepdad was upstairs asleep and the mother was downstairs ignoring her son and his mates outside playing football there wouldn’t be ONE person blaming the stepdad! I can only assume the silly posters blaming the op are men.

Your Dhs isnt disaplining his children at all. Who lets 13 year old boys run around late at night disturbing the neighbours. His parenting doesnt aline with your values. If my DS had been at the sleepover and I found out I would be furious.

"my mum says I’m just as much to blame because I’m also the responsible adult and should “know what DH is like” when it comes to discipline, ie he cannot do it."

Of course you should have realised it was your duty to stay up late to supervise and monitor your entirely incapable DH and your DSS and to predict that they would run outside in the night and disturb your neighbours... and to predict that if they did, your DH would have no problem with this at all and would not stir himself to go outside and tell them to pipe down, or order them back in.

How could you not?

Is your DM always this unsupportive and critical of you? I would stop listening to remarks like that and I'd give your DH a large piece of my mind for being so pathetic and lazy.

Also. You slept through the "riot" and so its highly likely that it wasn't as bad as the neighbours suggest - it was a one off and you've apologised. I'd now make the DSS fully aware and that it cannot happen again and then move on from the neighbours complaint.

Your mum is a sexist twat.

Not your fault but also I bet his ex didn’t turn the daughter against him. Shit dads love blaming mothers for this

This!

Beyond preposterous anyone could think you’re responsible for supervising an adult who’s a father of 3 supervise his own child. Your mum is pathetic and the posters on here blaming you for going to sleep are ridiculous.

he sounds scared of losing his other two children but agree he still needs to parent & its not up to you to do that for him. Though I would say you should still be involved when they are in your care.

its a one off sleepover and not much harm done, teenage kids having some high jinks. At least they were outside just playing & not actually terrorising the neighbourhood

not your fault!!

sensibly answer.

They may have had work next day? Or not. People have a right to quiet enjoyment of their own home, without loud, unsupervised kids.

Your future looks bleak with a man afraid to manage his own teenage sons.

I wouldn't be so sure his daughter wants nothing to do with him 'because her mother turned her against him'.

How late was it?

I am with the neighbours if it was actually all night long, some people have work etc, last thing you want is a ball going thud, thud, thud and screeching or whatever they do. Midnight would be my maximum before having to say something.

Yet another fine example of step parents (step mothers obviously!) being in the never ending loop of being unable to do right for doing wrong.

If OP had woken up, gone downstairs and bypassed her (useless) husband to call the boys in she would have been lambasted for sticking her nose in and trying to parent a child that isn't hers.

The only person at fault here is the gormless lump sat downstairs whose child it was making the noise outside.

This sounds ridiculous allowing them in and out the house to play football.
I can't believe people are saying just let them have fun. This isn't a boys staying out longer than expected to continue the game, this is them choosing to go out late at night to do something that will disturb others.
It is definitely down to DSS dad to have stopped this. I wouldn't be allowing sleepovers again due to this behaviour.

I think I can be excused for thinking OP feels some responsibility for the child despite him not being her own because she posted here instead of shrugging and saying not my circus not my monkeys. What her husband does or doesn't do isn't her fault, but expecting an incompetent person to be incompetent is. Unless of course her concern was not the safety of the children but that the neighbours would understandably think that, as a couple, they are equally responsible for the children in their care / home and think as badly of her as they do her husband. That would be unfortunate for her but a consequence of setting up home with a fuck wit.

Because you were in the house that means you also have duty of care and It’s your house as well so your responsibility as well as your H’s.
I get that your H is being a Disney dad and even though he’s scared of loosing his other two he needs boundaries. However as you were their and allowed the sleep over and you knew your H struggles with rules for his son you should have not agreed to it or take equal responsibility

He was supervising the sleepover being downstairs as their father. It's not on you.

How late was it?

The boy's dad was up. It's not her responsibility and she was asleep.

Give over already with the ‘safeguarding concern’. It’s clear from the OP’s post that the green is by the house, and that there was a group of 12/13-year-olds.
The DH is still a moron for letting HIS son and friends annoy the neighbours, but it all seems exceedingly trivial.

Odd how step mothers are seen as responsible as the father when normally she's expected to keep out of dealings with his children!

I hear crazy stories from my 14 year old ds about their sleepovers. Playing football all night would be a nicer one! As long as they are safe and it’s the weekend… meh.

I’d have my dh’s back in your situation.

This doesn’t sound like a big deal. Sometimes people make noise at night, and people like to complain about it on social media. It was on your husband to keep them in order, but I wouldn’t stress so much about it.

The father should be able to parent. Why is it the mums responsibility. If it was the dad asleep and the mum not putting in boundaries, would you hold the dad responsible?