Wedding Aftermath

You can "quietly show displeasure" and it still be a strop about something.

The 17 year old should not have been an option to move. Nothing at all to do with him and down to the parents to resolve between themselves. 9 year old was only 'punished' because OP and husband didn't have the sense to swap straight away.

And those who agree with her are inventing a passive aggressive move by the couple to seat the children there.

The Op is the one who wasn’t happy about her children not being invited. Of course it might have just been mentioned casually but unlikely - CF behaviour tends to be pushy

Husband shouldn't have asked simple as. Bride and Groom have enough to be doing at that stage to then start fannying about finding space for 2 kids (who probably don't want to be there) that keeps everyone happy.

Fuck me, MN is a parallel universe 🙈😂

But then some posters who don’t agree with OP have along the way invented a tantrum or strop haven’t they?

Absolutely ridiculous of the couple to sit children with strangers. I’d hope it was a thoughtless decision by people who don’t know much about kids. But it could have been a deliberately nasty thing to do because they didn’t want the kids there and were proving a point. I’d keep an eye on it going forwards tbh.

The only thing I’d have done differently to the OP is swap with one of the kids immediately.

Poor Op eh put in this awful position had to go out and buy her now invited dc new wedding outfits take them under duress and then not be sitting with them,to be what "polite" .

Posters not agreeing with the Op has nothing to do with reading comprehension.

It is more likely that there was an element of being pushy.

The reading comprehension on this thread is depressing

The OP did not "throw a strop"
She did not "force the couple to invite her children"

She was going to quietly, and without drama, decline. Then her husband contacted the couple to ask if the children coul go. The couple should have either said no or arranged the seating so that the two children weren't sat with complete strangers.

Fuck me. The level of entitlement… I am so glad I dint know people like this in real life 🙈🙈🙈🙈

I expect there was some drama though. When she saw the invite it is likely she then said to her DH well I'm not going if my children aren't. So this is where he intervened (we other see men criticised on MN for not doing anything) and the children were invited, however this was still wrong.

The B&G were very kind to allow it - perhaps they were guilted into it. Either way, to whine about seating and for the daughter to keep getting up really is beyond entitled.

Good for you if you were happy to do it.

You know not everyone is going to be happy about it though? And the fact the daughter caused drama during the event made it worse.

I have worked weddings and for the waitress to speak to her means she was more disruptive than the OP is implying.

Read the OP's post again. She didn't ask for her children to be included. Her husband did. She was just going to send her regrets without any drama.

The bride and groom could just have said no, rather than doing this. Nobody knows where they will be sat before they get to a wedding, they wouldn’t have known if it changed. Unless it was a tiny wedding, the seating chart wouldn’t have been so finely balanced that swapping some things around would ruin the entire day for someone. This was petty and unnecessary.

So you think it’s fair to punish a 9 year old with being uncomfortable around strangers as they’re ‘unwanted’? Vs a young adult who is more than capable of starting a conversation.
The way step children in new families are viewed on mumsnet is frightening.

That’s not how it works. Adding a couple of kids to a wedding meal won’t cost an extra £270 quid each. My cousin asked at the last minute if his partner’s kids could come because they were supposed to be with their dad, but he had cancelled and they had no childcare. We swapped one couple out of their table on to another that had space, and the hotel didn’t charge us extra for a couple of kids’ meals. Even if they had, I wouldn’t have minded paying for these random kids I had never met. It made things easier for my cousin, and later that week he came and cut my grass for me - even though we aren’t that close, he just turned up and said he was doing it.

Sitting with the 9 year old was the most sensible thing to do, but the op thought Sitting with her husband was more important and then was annoyed when her step son wouldn't move.

She also thought her dd coming back and forward was acceptable only when the step son wouldn't move and waiting staff chastised the girl did the op decide to sit with her dd, so the op expected to get her own way and is now cross that it didn't go that way.

They weren’t invited until the OP and her DH pushed it - why should they have to mess with seating places for family and friends who they may have known for years?

Pushing for extra guests then causing more drama is making me cringe for you 🙈🙈🙈

It’s a very odd thing for the bride and groom to do. I wouldn’t have gone or made a fuss about why they weren’t invited. As you did all end up going, I would have sat at the seperate table with the youngest and reseated the eldest at the family table with your DH.

Bullshit. I’m an adult and hate being at a table where I know nobody. Seating children away from their parents is a shitty thing to do.

I’m also really surprised the waitress told her to sit down. I have never seen a wedding where people stayed sat in their assigned seats for the entire meal. I’d be surprised if the child was the only one moving about, did they tell others to sit down? Very bizarre. Unless someone asked them to ask the waitress to do that.

I would have re-arranged the seating to sit with my children if someone did this to me. Or I would have left. But then if my kids were only invited as an afterthought under pressure from someone else, I wouldn’t have gone.

@Greenhairedmonstor why wasn’t your husband ok with you just not going?

Haven’t RTFT so sorry if I’m repeating.
Your dh shouldn’t have pressured the couple for an invite, you just shouldn’t have gone.
However it is utterly ridiculous of them to sit them away from you at that age. They probably were struggling to seat them at that point but they really should have come up with something better even if it meant separating you and dh so one adult could be on the table each set of kids. It wasn’t fair to ask your stepson to swap.
Yanbu to be pissed off about it and I can see why it’s hurtful that they don’t view your dc as part of the family.

Oh and well done for not only creating the drama in the first place but doubling down on it 🤣

Your stepson is probably concerned that every time his family has an event, either you will insist that your children are invited (with the subsequent drama if the food/seating etc isn’t brilliant) or they won’t be invited in the first place as people cba with the drama so it’s easier not to invite his father and him/his siblings

Personally, I'd invite the whole family but weddings are expensive and there is no obligation for the couple to invite anyone they don't want to or can't afford.

Your DH sounds quite entitled or maybe it was because of your reaction. I'm guessing you have form for this. I'm sure your children didn't want to go that badly and could have had more fun staying with a relative or friend while you all went. It's not actually compulsory to all go everywhere together.

But anyway, your DH got them added in. So they were accommodated - at a cost and yet your daughter couldn't manage to behave for an hour or so during the meal. Do you usually let your daughter wander around restaurants when waiting staff are trying to serve food. A child that age doesn't need to be attached to their parent 24/7 - you were in the same room for goodness sake.

Having pushed for your DC to be invited you could at least have made them behave appropriately.