Page 3 | Wedding Aftermath

Greenhairedmonstor · 2026-03-28T15:16:14+00:00

I have been mulling on this for a week. I only want opinions as I don’t know what to think and I am not going to say anything to anybody. DH, my step-children 13 and 17 and I were invited to a wedding on DH’s side. My children 9 and 12 weren’t. While I don’t blame groom and while my children have their own father and I have lots of childcare I felt weird about going to a family wedding without my children so I decided not to go, My husband however, contacted the groom and very generously they invited my children however when we got to the reception my children were on a different table. They were on a table together about four tables away from me, with two couples and a baby. They were pleasant people. My daughter kept coming over to me and a waitress asked her politely to sit down as they were going to bring out the main course. My husband asked my stepson to swap seats but he refused and my sister-in-law was quite sarcastic. I didn’t know what to do so finally I swapped seats with my own son. My stepchildren appeared to be annoyed by this. What would you have done?

KmcK87 · 02/04/2026 13:42

Roadtripp · 02/04/2026 13:30

Why are you or your DH sharing with your SS sensitive info family finances?

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They probably aren’t discussing finances. It’s not hard to assume that your ex would be contributing financially to children that are living under the same roof as him.

Roadtripp · 02/04/2026 13:30

Greenhairedmonstor · 02/04/2026 10:57

Apparently this was not a joke and husband’s ex has now spoken to my HUSBAND asking why my children were present, why was her son asked to move to accommodate my daughter and every time he pays for my children his children’s future is affected.

I am so sorry. Our exes wouldn’t know each other. My stepchildren’s mother spoke to her ex. i.e. my husband. I assume because her children are moaning to her.

Why are you or your DH sharing with your SS sensitive info family finances?

LoveWine123 · 02/04/2026 13:09

OP that sounds very much like a DH problem. It’s his to sort out with his ex. Personally if he’s not shutting this crap down I’d be reconsidering my relationship with him. No way would I put my children in a situation where they have to listen to this.

Honestly this is why I would never remarry if I was a single mother with kids.

RitaConnors · 02/04/2026 12:51

I assume her children are moaning to her.

In fairness, children should be allowed to discuss things with their own mothers.

I would definitely had said to my own mother ‘you will never guess what happened at Uncle Dave’s wedding! I was sitting next to Auntie Pam on a table with our Alex and Dad and Jane and I was just telling Auntie Pam about how college was going because I haven’t seen her for ages and Jane asked me to move tables because Nina wouldn’t stay in her seat’.

PhuckTrump · 02/04/2026 12:28

Greenhairedmonstor · 02/04/2026 10:57

Apparently this was not a joke and husband’s ex has now spoken to my HUSBAND asking why my children were present, why was her son asked to move to accommodate my daughter and every time he pays for my children his children’s future is affected.

I am so sorry. Our exes wouldn’t know each other. My stepchildren’s mother spoke to her ex. i.e. my husband. I assume because her children are moaning to her.

Your DH’s ex no longer has a vote on DH’s finances, family wedding arrangements, and blended family setup. She lost her vote when they divorced.

RainbowMoonbeam · 02/04/2026 11:21

Greenhairedmonstor · 02/04/2026 10:57

Apparently this was not a joke and husband’s ex has now spoken to my HUSBAND asking why my children were present, why was her son asked to move to accommodate my daughter and every time he pays for my children his children’s future is affected.

I am so sorry. Our exes wouldn’t know each other. My stepchildren’s mother spoke to her ex. i.e. my husband. I assume because her children are moaning to her.

More likely SHEs moaning and putying it in her kids heads in the first place.

RainbowMoonbeam · 02/04/2026 10:59

Greenhairedmonstor · 02/04/2026 10:57

Apparently this was not a joke and husband’s ex has now spoken to my HUSBAND asking why my children were present, why was her son asked to move to accommodate my daughter and every time he pays for my children his children’s future is affected.

I am so sorry. Our exes wouldn’t know each other. My stepchildren’s mother spoke to her ex. i.e. my husband. I assume because her children are moaning to her.

I can see why he divorced her, what a nightmare.

froglet46 · 02/04/2026 10:58

Bundleflower · 02/04/2026 08:05

You’re right. They always come out with the most batshit things around stepchildren and then finish off with some buff that ‘in the real world’ that people don’t think like you or I. In the actual real world, you’d stand the chance of being chinned for speaking so lowly of an innocent child.

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Exactly. I just can’t imagine being stood in a group of women/mothers and hearing someone talk about a child like this, even if they thought it. Because they know the rest of the group would think they are vile. This is the issue with the internet, it gives either those with horrible views or those who just want to rage bait the anonymous platform to be twats. It says a lot about their weak characters tbh.

Op it’s shocking that the groom didn’t invite his brothers stepchildren and speaks volumes about how they view your family. I wouldn’t have gone and I would be reevaluating my relationship with them going forward too.

Original poster

Greenhairedmonstor · 02/04/2026 10:57

Apparently this was not a joke and husband’s ex has now spoken to my HUSBAND asking why my children were present, why was her son asked to move to accommodate my daughter and every time he pays for my children his children’s future is affected.

I am so sorry. Our exes wouldn’t know each other. My stepchildren’s mother spoke to her ex. i.e. my husband. I assume because her children are moaning to her.

OP posts:

Bundleflower · 02/04/2026 10:52

Shellythesnail2333 · 02/04/2026 10:38

Op did you ask your own kids beforehand if they wanted to go, or u just wanted it for yourself? As weddings aren’t particularly exciting for a 9 and 12 yo. I personally would just have either gone just with step kids, if your own kids wouldn’t have minded, or stayed away. You shouldn’t have angled for an invite for your kids. look what happened anyway, all this drama for nothing!

Except OP didn’t angle for an invite…

Shellythesnail2333 · 02/04/2026 10:38

Op did you ask your own kids beforehand if they wanted to go, or u just wanted it for yourself? As weddings aren’t particularly exciting for a 9 and 12 yo. I personally would just have either gone just with step kids, if your own kids wouldn’t have minded, or stayed away. You shouldn’t have angled for an invite for your kids. look what happened anyway, all this drama for nothing!

Ophy83 · 02/04/2026 10:27

Blimey. How often does your DH see his own kids? Has he paid for them to take similar trips? It sounds like they are having difficulties adjusting to your kids being in his life

StationJack · 02/04/2026 10:22

Roadtripp · 02/04/2026 10:18

Your husbands ex contacted your ex about why her ex BIL invited his children to his wedding!!!????!!!!

Quite. The stepson sounds an arse too.

Roadtripp · 02/04/2026 10:18

Your husbands ex contacted your ex about why her ex BIL invited his children to his wedding!!!????!!!!

StationJack · 02/04/2026 10:14

@Greenhairedmonstor , bit of a drip-feed there and we could only go by what you told us.

Bundleflower · 02/04/2026 10:11

Greenhairedmonstor · 02/04/2026 10:04

Well the aftermath has continued.

To clarify I did not throw a strop nor did my daughter cause a scene.

She was told gently that hot meals would be coming out.

The groom is my husband’s youngest brother.

My sister-in-law didn’t want to sit at a wedding with my son with whom I swapped seats.

My ex and I were struggling to pay for an overseas trip for our child who is in the first year of secondary school. My husband paid for this trip and my son was chatting about this trip at the wedding. My seventeen stepson apparently made a comment about spending their inheritance which my son took as a joke.

Apparently this was not a joke and husband’s ex has now spoken to my ex asking why my children were present, why was her son asked to move to accommodate my daughter and every time he pays for my children his children’s future is affected.

A complete shit show. I should have stayed at home as I fully intended to.

I work full time and I was not the other woman.

The further context makes it even weirder. Why on earth wouldn’t the groom want his brother’s stepchildren there? Id assumed it was a far flung relative.
And why does your husbands ex think she has any right to weigh in about you and your children attending a wedding? Does she and the bride/groom still have a strong friendship? I wonder if you’re being thrown under the bus for the benefit of that?

Original poster

Greenhairedmonstor · 02/04/2026 10:04

Well the aftermath has continued.

To clarify I did not throw a strop nor did my daughter cause a scene.

She was told gently that hot meals would be coming out.

The groom is my husband’s youngest brother.

My sister-in-law didn’t want to sit at a wedding with my son with whom I swapped seats.

My ex and I were struggling to pay for an overseas trip for our child who is in the first year of secondary school. My husband paid for this trip and my son was chatting about this trip at the wedding. My seventeen stepson apparently made a comment about spending their inheritance which my son took as a joke.

Apparently this was not a joke and husband’s ex has now spoken to my ex asking why my children were present, why was her son asked to move to accommodate my daughter and every time he pays for my children his children’s future is affected.

A complete shit show. I should have stayed at home as I fully intended to.

I work full time and I was not the other woman.

OP posts:

AnnieLummox · 02/04/2026 09:17

DotAndCarryOne2 · 01/04/2026 09:13

But in general you don’t expect only half of your immediate household to be invited to a family event. As I said upthread, when the OP is a step mum trying to justify excluding her stepchildren from similar occasions, she is invariably told how terrible she is for not ensuring her own family accept her stepchildren as part of the wider family. Clearly MN doesn’t hold step dads to the same standards.

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But it’s the stepdad who pushed for the invitation, so that argument doesn’t work here.

Only half the household was initially invited because that’s the half with whom the bride and groom actually have a relationship.

Bundleflower · 02/04/2026 08:05

froglet46 · 02/04/2026 07:59

I do think a lot of it is bravado and rage baiting. I can imagine anyone going on the school run and being so openly horrible about a nine year old in front of other people in the real world. It wouldn’t happen. They use MN as an outlet to feel superior and powerful which is tragic.

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You’re right. They always come out with the most batshit things around stepchildren and then finish off with some buff that ‘in the real world’ that people don’t think like you or I. In the actual real world, you’d stand the chance of being chinned for speaking so lowly of an innocent child.

froglet46 · 02/04/2026 07:59

Bundleflower · 02/04/2026 07:34

Bizarre. It makes me feel sad for the possible stepchildren in these posters families. There’s a good chance that it’s Mumsnet bravado, of course…

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I do think a lot of it is bravado and rage baiting. I can imagine anyone going on the school run and being so openly horrible about a nine year old in front of other people in the real world. It wouldn’t happen. They use MN as an outlet to feel superior and powerful which is tragic.

Bundleflower · 02/04/2026 07:34

DotAndCarryOne2 · 01/04/2026 16:52

Agree. It’s either all shit or all sugar. Step mums are ripped to shreds if they don’t ensure that their own family treat the step kids as wider family. Clearly step dads are not held to the same standard. It’s batshit.

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Bizarre. It makes me feel sad for the possible stepchildren in these posters families. There’s a good chance that it’s Mumsnet bravado, of course…

StationJack · 01/04/2026 19:10

DotAndCarryOne2 · 01/04/2026 16:42

Lots of posters deciding it’s the cousins step children. There’s a disparity here however much you and other poster want to deny it. Whenever a female OP who is a step parent posts about her step children being excluded from her own family events she’s invariably told it’s her fault and she’s the worst step parent ever for not ensuring her own family treat her step kids as wider family. Explain to me why a step dad is not held to the same standard ?

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OP has not said what relation the bride/groom is to her DH. Family wise, it's probably going to be a sibling or a cousin or a nibling, or possibly a parent. The relative might be a half-sibling etc

Most people have more cousins than siblings, so while I said I wouldn't invite my cousin's step-children, that's because my cousin is the only relative I have who has stepchildren, unless you count my aunt who has a stepson who I've never met as he was an adult when my aunt married his father.

Everybodys · 01/04/2026 18:33

There often are people saying one or both parents in a blended family should ensure the step DC are invited to events on both sides, it's true, but such threads usually also feature posts pointing out that you can only blend the bits of a family you're in charge of and you can't actually force invitations. The two sides often exchange views at great length!

DotAndCarryOne2 · 01/04/2026 16:52

Bundleflower · 29/03/2026 10:34

So you think it’s fair to punish a 9 year old with being uncomfortable around strangers as they’re ‘unwanted’? Vs a young adult who is more than capable of starting a conversation.
The way step children in new families are viewed on mumsnet is frightening.

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Agree. It’s either all shit or all sugar. Step mums are ripped to shreds if they don’t ensure that their own family treat the step kids as wider family. Clearly step dads are not held to the same standard. It’s batshit.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 01/04/2026 16:45

Viviennemary · 29/03/2026 00:10

It's a silly fuss about not much. Sounds like you were ready to be offended.

Why ?