Wedding Aftermath

Sounds like you are “that family”

You refuse an invitation because kids aren’t invited - how odd.

Then DH complains / explains to groom and his arm is twisted so your DCs are invited.

Then your 9 year old is disrespectful and disruptive getting up and down - so much so that staff have to intervene.

Then you think it appropriate to reward her bad behaviour / poor manners by punishing your SC who is blood in this family and the priority - fortunately he has some boundaries and stays with his father, sibling etc.

Then you move seats to accommodate the rude 9 year old (surely she can sit on a seat at school all day).

Then you attempt to validate all of your impolite and poor social skills from your initial flounce, to your DH overstepping, the your DD disruptive and disrespectful behaviour by suggesting she was “distressed”.

No wonder your SIL was off with you. What a mess.

I agree with this.

Get a grip fgs. I'm one of 4 and when we were kids often only one of us got to go to the wedding because six from one family was too much and unaffordable. People are so bloody entitled these days

Came in to say just this…..x

Disagree. OP's children are not necessarily 'family' to or 'known' to the relatives on OP's husband's side. The fact they were invited after the husband asked about it was was kind, and they found them someplace to sit. What's rude is being unhappy that everyone wasn't moved around to accommodate them and asking an actual family member (husband's child) to move to accommodate them.

But they wouldn’t have been sitting with their dad, they would have had to move to the different table to accommodate the op’s child.

Of course he had a choice its an invitation not a summons and they should expect that not all the family will be able to attend if you don't invite ALL the family

Personally, I wouldn’t have accepted the invitation in the first place. If my kids couldn’t be treated as family they call all fuck off!

Blimey! Your husband was incredibly rude wangling an invitation for two more people! Weddings are SUPER expensive per head, and this means that an already generous (and expensive!) invitation for four family members, was extended to a family of 6…just wow! 😲

Then, to compound the rudeness, your child couldn’t behave, and you tried to make others accommodate this, by asking them to move!

Utterly astonishing behaviour all round really OP! YABVVU!! And rude!

Just all so bad mannered. Blag more invites that mess around with place settings.
I bet none of them will get invited to anything again.

Depends on how much drama was displayed at the switch and at what point of the meal re how much kerfuffle it caused the staff!

He said no, which he was entitled to do, so OP simply swapped with her son and sat with her DD.. She saw the need to be with her DD and acted on it. Nothing for him to be annoyed about.

Op originally asked one of her step kids to move though so her dd could have their spot.

That wasn't fair of her.

They were still sitting with their dad. OP went to sit with her child.

And I don't think you are alone in that attitude.

But I'm not really suggesting it should be about "what the guests want" as much as keeping things celebratory, rather than the petri dish of dissent they seem to have become.

There is a generation (a half-slip behind mine) that thinks the meaning of life is "All About Me and What I Want and Making Sure I Damn Well Get It," and I'm not sure it brings as much real happiness to them as they imagine.

What would you have done?

I would have gone to my dh's family wedding without my children as they are no relation to the B&G.

Nah who on earth seats someone’s children on a different table? Why would you even do that. If I couldn’t accommodate them together then I would’ve said so and gone along with you not going.

I think its wrong to invite half a family to a wedding and exclude one or two children. I also wouldn't seat a 9 year old away from their parents on a table of strangers, although it may have been difficult for the B&G to reorganise tables. You worked things out as best you could and simply ignore your SIL.

I don't know why you made a fuss about it, you say they see their dad and you have other childcare, so not sure why it was essential they attended the wedding of someone related to your DH. They aren't little kids so easy enough to explain why they weren't invited

This. I honestly can't see why they had to go. Nor can I see why op wouldn't go without them. They are no relation to the b&g.

I think the couple were out of order seating your kids away from you. Its a bit weird to separate them from their family

I don't think it was fair that you asked step son to swap seats.

You did the best thing by you moving to sit with one child and the other sitting with your partner and his kids

I think you behaved perfectly throughout - you weren't to know that they would put your kids on a separate table and you found a solution that got you through.

Going forward you are going to need more detail about events to ensure you don't put your children in a situation where they are added extras.

It isn't meant meanly when I say that the couple getting married have treated you as a plus one for your husband rather than part of the family (in which case they would have embraced your family) and you now have that knowledge to keep in mind in your dealings with them. You can remember that they are your husbands family and remember not to treat them/embrace them as your own.

Your kids shouldn't have been put on a different table. That was snide, they should have been with you or not at all. I wouldn't be impressed if I were the other guests on that tables either, sat with two unsupervised kids I don't even know.

You didn't do anything wrong in swapping. I don't get the issue - assuming you weren't on top table causing a big kerfuffle.

Why are your SC annoyed?

What happened to 'it's an invitation, not a summons'? She was perfectly at liberty to refuse for herself. She didn't make a fuss. The situation is on her DH.

What would you have done?

I would have gone to the wedding with DH and SC, let my DC be looked after by their own DF, and not have shoehorned them into a wedding where the bride and groom obviously aren’t close to them.

Exactly this. What a fuss.