Wedding Aftermath

I can’t believe you brought your kids honestly. You knew they are shy, you knew they weren’t really invited and you knew it was a strange ask of your husband to put you in this situation. I would have either sent regrets or let your children spend time with their own family.

If your daughter can’t cope without you, you should have swapped round immediately and not waited for a member of staff to get fed up. Nothing to do with the teenagers at all and I’m shocked they were asked to accommodate any of this.

Just a bit of an awkward situation for everyone. If I had been the bride and groom I would have said your children were welcome but they couldn't put you all on the same table, was that okay? And then you could have graciously declined the invite. If they did it passive aggressively then that that was out of order.

I would try not to dwell on it too much, because blended families always have an element of this about them, and at the end of the day it's your family dynamic so your issue to resolve. But use it to inform how you handle things next time (because there will definitely be a next time).

Your step chikdren were asked in their own right, you were effectively your husband’s plus 1. Agree with others that your DH shouldn’t have wangled an invitation for your DC.

Planning a wedding is really stressful. There’s a lot to think about. Your own children were probably accidentally skipped over in the original invites. I’d like to think the bride and groom didn’t intentionally make the seating arrangement awkward for your family. They’ve probably been up to their eyeballs in stress and haven’t fully considered every individual. You did the best you could in the situation and I’m sure nobody else is even thinking about it. I wouldn’t worry.

I would have done the same op. You did nothing wrong. Don’t beat yourself up. You was there for your child and you shouldn’t be made to feel bad about that.

Yeah I think it's bad to split a family up, putting children on a table without you. I don't think you're unreasonable switching with your son to comfort your daughter. I feel for them being placed on a table with strangers whilst looking at you across the room.

Sorry, when you marry someone, don’t you see them or class them as your family now?

If your children are old enough to sit on a table alone, I don’t see the issue. You pretty much forced the couple to invite them and what do you expect to change the whole sitting arrangement that very likely for you? If the kids were very young, then i would be annoyed with the couple. Asking your step kids to change seats is not fair.

You should’ve stayed at home or sorted a babysitter for the younger two.

Your husband has become six people, which is fine in real life but makes for a bloody expensive wedding guest.

This I’m afraid. Weddings are expensive and the B&G invited people they knew. They don’t know your children. It was incredibly rude to insist they went.

Gosh this website

Usually you’re all telling the OP to stand her ground and not attend the wedding unless her kids are invited as they’re either all family or not at all.

make your minds up

There would be loads of people there that aren’t related to the B & G

Surely they could just chat to each other?

If the stepson wanted to, he would have offered.

If my dad had tried to do this to me, even at 17, I'd be pissed off. Tell your bloody wife to move, not me grrrr!

Surprised at these comments.

If you're going to relent and invite children, obviously they need to be seated with their parent. No 9 and 12 year old would be happy on a table of people they don't know

It was weird to take your kids.

I wouldn't have brought my children, as they are not related to DH side of the family. You don't even say what relation they are, like cousin, etc.? I imagine that must have been very uncomfortable for your children seeing all this extended family who are not related to them.

I would have saved my daughter the discomfort and let her go to her dad's, so really, you behaved selfishly.

Making a big damn fuss, of your own doing, over nothing.

It’s not a family wedding for your family though? You were going because you are married to your husband and it’s his family wedding. You should have arranged childcare as you mentioned that was possible and gone without your children. Why would kids want to go to a wedding anyway?

Nailed it.

At 9 and 12 I would have either told dc to sit down just for the meal or I’d have sat with dd at the table and swapped like you did - but that would have been my go-to rather than last. Basically your dh and his dc were invited and you were his plus one who insisted your dc also came. How embarrassing. Did your dc even know the bride or groom?

@KmcK87 , Bride and groom were super rude to only invite half a family.
It was half a blended family. The children could have been at their father's.
It doesn't sound like the OP's children even wanted to be there.

We are all entitled to our own opinions!

Bride and groom were super rude to only invite half a family. But I would have just swapped seats to start with. Seating plans are a nightmare.

Agree @independentfriend some dc and their parents do need to have interactions where it becomes clear that they are not the focal point of everything

I think it's time to engineer more (safe) opportunities for your 9 year old to interact with adults so she can cope better the next time this kind of thing happens. She can learn about safe enough topics of conversation and how to get people to talk to her and so on.

All the rest of this would have been fine if she'd been able to sit and eat the meal confidently.

(Worth checking with her and her brother that nobody on the table was being nasty while you couldn't hear it)