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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect DH to take DD to the party?

108 replies

Mrsmissunderstood · 28/03/2026 13:34

DD has a party today DH said he wasn’t going from the moment we got the invite about a month ago. I’ve been ill for a week with a sinus infection so the house is a mess tons of washing not been done and no food shopping. DH wet his bed last night so his mattress needed cleaning. So i said to DH this morning you take DD and I will just stay here and sort the house out. He said he didn’t want to go and sit with a bunch of women.

So I said ok you stay here and clean I will go to the party that was also a flat out no. So I said fine you go the party then since you don’t want to help out here.

I gave DD a shower and got her dressed and it was about 10 minutes until the party started. He comes up stairs hanging about telling me that I’m going to be late. He can quite clearly see me in my pyjamas running about cleaning and helping DD get ready.

We went back and fourth for about 20 minutes poor DD in tears and him refusing to take her. He got in a strop and eventually took her.

AIBU?

OP posts:
jacks11 · 28/03/2026 14:44

YANBU- he should have taken her (or the alternative of staying and doing chores that needed doing- even in the unlikely event they were your “share” of the household chores).

I think the with regards to your divorce/cohabitation until that comes through, the issue is that as you are married the house is a shared marital asset- so unless you have a pre-existing legal arrangement stating otherwise, he is entitled to live there and has a financial interest in it (with the exception of cases of abuse). And assuming it has not been a very short marriage, even if you do have an agreement it depends on the nature of that agreement as to how the courts will view it when it comes to a divorce settlement.

CocoaTea · 28/03/2026 14:42

Mrsmissunderstood · 28/03/2026 13:53

I’ve applied for a divorce we’re currently at conditional offer stage. He won’t move out as he doesn’t want to rent or stay with family. He doesn’t think it’s fair that I get to keep my life the same and he has to start all over again.

It doesn’t matter what he thinks. It’s your home. He needs to leave and you need to do everything you can do to get him out. It doesn’t matter what he wants.

Have you had legal advice? Even free advice?

This environment is so unhealthy for your poor child. And for you.

ishouldbeoverit · 28/03/2026 14:37

Mrsmissunderstood · 28/03/2026 13:40

There is nothing I can do about it! He won’t move out and it’s my house. He refuses to move out so we just live in turmoil everyday.

Show quote history

You need to get him out, even if costs you some money in legal advice to do so. If it's your house, find out what you can legally do and if you have to give him notice, etc ... maybe you can just change the locks and bat his crap up.

Easterbunnyishotandcross · 28/03/2026 14:12

Married =joint home surely?
But there are ways and means to make home life less pleasurable.. No laundry or cooking services.
What is bank account situation?
Morgage situation?

Couldyounot · 28/03/2026 14:12

He doesn’t think it’s fair that I get to keep my life the same and he has to start all over again.

Diddums.

audhdandme · 28/03/2026 14:10

Mrsmissunderstood · 28/03/2026 13:53

I’ve applied for a divorce we’re currently at conditional offer stage. He won’t move out as he doesn’t want to rent or stay with family. He doesn’t think it’s fair that I get to keep my life the same and he has to start all over again.

Shouldn’t have been such a dickhead then should he. He’s in the wrong in this situation and you deserve much better op

Skybluepinky · 28/03/2026 14:09

Kick him out and protect your kids mental health.

AgnesMcDoo · 28/03/2026 14:07

He’s a total arsehole

Holdinguphalfthesky · 28/03/2026 14:06

Mrsmissunderstood · 28/03/2026 13:53

I’ve applied for a divorce we’re currently at conditional offer stage. He won’t move out as he doesn’t want to rent or stay with family. He doesn’t think it’s fair that I get to keep my life the same and he has to start all over again.

if you’re married is it still just your house?
if yes then surely he can’t just choose to stay.

If he doesn’t want his life to change maybe he shouldn’t be such a lazy bollock.

good luck, sounds like you’ll be losing about 12 stone of dead weight once you’re through this.

RhaenysRocks · 28/03/2026 13:59

If you're married dies he not have some legal stake in the house?

ilovesooty · 28/03/2026 13:55

Sorry - I see you're divorcing him.

olympicsrock · 28/03/2026 13:55

He’s a lazy nasty arsehole. LTB

ilovesooty · 28/03/2026 13:54

Mrsmissunderstood · 28/03/2026 13:40

There is nothing I can do about it! He won’t move out and it’s my house. He refuses to move out so we just live in turmoil everyday.

Show quote history

Can't you go to court to evict him?

Original poster
Mrsmissunderstood · 28/03/2026 13:53

I’ve applied for a divorce we’re currently at conditional offer stage. He won’t move out as he doesn’t want to rent or stay with family. He doesn’t think it’s fair that I get to keep my life the same and he has to start all over again.

OP posts:
PinkyFlamingo · 28/03/2026 13:52

Of course you can do something about it! In the meantime you are exposing your kids to such a toxic atmosphere!

DDivaStar · 28/03/2026 13:50

Message him and say you want him out of the house by the time you get home. That's one argument to many your poor kids.

Easterbunnyishotandcross · 28/03/2026 13:50

Ime it's a conversation to be had early in with dc..
We agreed dh does any parties from football team.
I do school friends parties...

Or perhaps agree alternate invites..
. But dd shouldn't miss out.
But dh has a point. Parties are mind numbing.

Rosecoffeecup · 28/03/2026 13:47

Life is too short to be stuck in an unhappy marriage with a bone idle dickhead. Have you seriously considered divorce?

TomatoSandwiches · 28/03/2026 13:44

Wtf, get rid of him ffs, you absolutely can sort this out op.

Crazyfrog44 · 28/03/2026 13:44

Are you married? If so I'd be looking at divorce. If not, tell him to move out and change the locks.

1990sMum · 28/03/2026 13:42

Is this unusual behaviour from your DH?

tnorfotkcab · 28/03/2026 13:41

Mrsmissunderstood · 28/03/2026 13:40

There is nothing I can do about it! He won’t move out and it’s my house. He refuses to move out so we just live in turmoil everyday.

Show quote history

Sell the house a d move?

tnorfotkcab · 28/03/2026 13:40

He sounds fucking awful.

Won't to take one kid to party, won't clean other kids bed instead.

Just wants to laze around and opt out??

Original poster
Mrsmissunderstood · 28/03/2026 13:40

Scottishskifun · 28/03/2026 13:39

So he basically didn't want to do any parenting?

Sorry but what do you see in someone that lazy who refuses to do the bare minimum?

There is nothing I can do about it! He won’t move out and it’s my house. He refuses to move out so we just live in turmoil everyday.

OP posts:
Scottishskifun · 28/03/2026 13:39

So he basically didn't want to do any parenting?

Sorry but what do you see in someone that lazy who refuses to do the bare minimum?