AIBU to expect DH to take DD to the party?

Mrsmissunderstood · 2026-03-28T13:34:40+00:00

DD has a party today DH said he wasn’t going from the moment we got the invite about a month ago. I’ve been ill for a week with a sinus infection so the house is a mess tons of washing not been done and no food shopping. DH wet his bed last night so his mattress needed cleaning. So i said to DH this morning you take DD and I will just stay here and sort the house out. He said he didn’t want to go and sit with a bunch of women. So I said ok you stay here and clean I will go to the party that was also a flat out no. So I said fine you go the party then since you don’t want to help out here. I gave DD a shower and got her dressed and it was about 10 minutes until the party started. He comes up stairs hanging about telling me that I’m going to be late. He can quite clearly see me in my pyjamas running about cleaning and helping DD get ready. We went back and fourth for about 20 minutes poor DD in tears and him refusing to take her. He got in a strop and eventually took her. AIBU?

Acommonreader · 31/03/2026 14:08

Mrsmissunderstood · 28/03/2026 13:53

I’ve applied for a divorce we’re currently at conditional offer stage. He won’t move out as he doesn’t want to rent or stay with family. He doesn’t think it’s fair that I get to keep my life the same and he has to start all over again.

He doesn’t think it’s fair! He should have thought of that before he behaved like a useless knob throughout his marriage.
Good luck OP, you are moving on towards to a better life!

Koalatea13 · 31/03/2026 13:55

Ah sorry I see you are already divorcing him - slightly crucial info missed out in the initial post.

Unless there are some other important facts missed out, it is also his house and he is doing the correct thing legally by not moving out, as rubbish as it is for you both.

He is a dick though

Koalatea13 · 31/03/2026 13:35

Mrsmissunderstood · 28/03/2026 13:40

There is nothing I can do about it! He won’t move out and it’s my house. He refuses to move out so we just live in turmoil everyday.

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Have you heard of divorce? Also, sorry to tell you - you're married, that house is also his.

Either way, if you don't want to live with him - divorce is the answer

SweetnsourNZ · 31/03/2026 02:15

SunnyRedSnail · 30/03/2026 08:55

There are no such things as possession laws. The house is "owned" by the OP but is a joint asset as they're married.

The well-being of a child will always come first. A court will order him out the house eventually. No judge would expect a mother to stay with their child in a hostile environment. Leaving a house does not give him more right to the house. The OP can make it clear why she had to leave. It would not look good for him.

The only possession "law" I can think of relates to being in possession of stolen goods where you were not aware the goods were stolen and bought in good faith.

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Your laws may be different. I know over here you are told not to leave. It can work against you. You can also end up having to fight for your personal possessions
I know someone who had to flee in the middle of the night with her toddler due to dv and it took over a year to get her personal stuff back through the courts as it was considered she had abandoned them. She didn't get much of a settlement either.

WhoKnowsWhat2026 · 30/03/2026 18:15

Look at whether you may be eligible to apply for an Occupation Order (if in the UK). There may be some charities that can help. You could also look at Non-Molestation Order if there is any DV. If so NCDV.org.uk is worth contacting.

Welshmonster · 30/03/2026 12:10

Mrsmissunderstood · 28/03/2026 13:53

I’ve applied for a divorce we’re currently at conditional offer stage. He won’t move out as he doesn’t want to rent or stay with family. He doesn’t think it’s fair that I get to keep my life the same and he has to start all over again.

He doesn’t see why his life should change 😂 meaning he currently realises how good he has it with childcare on tap and the house cleaned.
I don’t think you can just change the locks as you’re married even if house is just in your name but soon as divorce is through then do it.

so unkind to your DD that she knows she can’t rely on her father at such a young age.

ishouldbeoverit · 30/03/2026 11:54

Laurmolonlabe · 30/03/2026 07:20

Gets in a strop, sits down and says shan't and wets his bed how old is he?
These are all unexceptable things from an adult- he needs a reality check.

OP mis-typed ... it was their son who wet the bed.

But yes, as for the rest of it, utter arse and OP will be well rid of him.

SunnyRedSnail · 30/03/2026 08:55

SweetnsourNZ · 30/03/2026 04:26

She has probably been advised not to leave the house by a solicitor. It's the first rule of separation usually as possession laws come into play.

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There are no such things as possession laws. The house is "owned" by the OP but is a joint asset as they're married.

The well-being of a child will always come first. A court will order him out the house eventually. No judge would expect a mother to stay with their child in a hostile environment. Leaving a house does not give him more right to the house. The OP can make it clear why she had to leave. It would not look good for him.

The only possession "law" I can think of relates to being in possession of stolen goods where you were not aware the goods were stolen and bought in good faith.

Laurmolonlabe · 30/03/2026 07:20

Gets in a strop, sits down and says shan't and wets his bed how old is he?
These are all unexceptable things from an adult- he needs a reality check.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 30/03/2026 04:41

I would get some friends to help move him out to his mother's.

SweetnsourNZ · 30/03/2026 04:34

Cerialkiller · 29/03/2026 18:47

No inheriting it isn't an exception. By living in the house together op would have brought her inheritance into the marriage. It MAY be kept by op if it was kept seperate from the marriage but only if both parties can have their needs met with other assets.

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Maybe in a trust. OP hasn't come back to clear up these questions. Maybe she doesn't want to discuss her house position in detail, but more likely she is at the party.

SweetnsourNZ · 30/03/2026 04:26

SunnyRedSnail · 28/03/2026 17:48

Obviously...

But we're not talking about that. We are talking about NOW. Children living in a hostile environment.

The divorce might take months to go through, so if this twat isn't willing to move out for the sake of the kids having a calmer life, then the OP should consider moving out herself. This will not affect her position when it comes to dividing assets. The court will order him to move out eventually.

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She has probably been advised not to leave the house by a solicitor. It's the first rule of separation usually as possession laws come into play.

1836laura · 29/03/2026 22:12

Divorce this man.

Paveparadiseputupaparkinglot · 29/03/2026 20:39

Sell the house so he has to move out? What a stupid prick.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 29/03/2026 20:34

Mrsmissunderstood · 28/03/2026 13:53

I’ve applied for a divorce we’re currently at conditional offer stage. He won’t move out as he doesn’t want to rent or stay with family. He doesn’t think it’s fair that I get to keep my life the same and he has to start all over again.

I hope you are not doing anything for him. No cleaning, no cooking that he gets to eat, no laundry, no shopping.
Can you pay for the bills for you and the kids without him? If so, implement the above. Kick him out of the main bedroom and stick a lock on it.
I really feel for you. That has to be an unpleasant situation for you and your children.

Cerialkiller · 29/03/2026 18:47

RainbowMoonbeam · 29/03/2026 17:21

Or she inherited it.

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No inheriting it isn't an exception. By living in the house together op would have brought her inheritance into the marriage. It MAY be kept by op if it was kept seperate from the marriage but only if both parties can have their needs met with other assets.

RainbowMoonbeam · 29/03/2026 17:21

Cerialkiller · 28/03/2026 16:49

If they are married and living in the property then it's the marital home and a joint asset regardless of who's name is on the deeds. An exception would be if there is a separate agreement legally and specifically ring fencing the house for the op in only but this isn't the default. Op cannot legally terf him our of the marital home until they divorce.

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Or she inherited it.

RainbowMoonbeam · 29/03/2026 17:17

Mrsmissunderstood · 28/03/2026 13:40

There is nothing I can do about it! He won’t move out and it’s my house. He refuses to move out so we just live in turmoil everyday.

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Wait til he goes out, put all his personal sh*t outside, change the locks.

itsallrosy · 29/03/2026 14:53

Change the locks - he sounds like an arse! Hope you’re feeling better soon, OP. Partnership should mean teamwork but it sounds like he’s making your life even harder than you just going it solo by giving you all this grief. Congratulations on your divorce; onwards and upwards for you now.

Chilly80 · 29/03/2026 14:11

Penguinsandspaniels · 29/03/2026 13:32

Maybe was hers before they met like my house was

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But as its the family home it is not clear cut and could be in the divorce settlement depends how long they've been married and lived together

Bonbon249 · 29/03/2026 14:07

Oh poor diddums doesn't think it's fair he has to start over? How fair is he being to you MRSMISSUNDERSTOOD? What does he add to your life? Nothing but stress and unhappiness as far as I can tell. You have yourself a GRADE A C*cklodger. If you haven't already, start documenting everything - all the times and dates he refuses to be a parent or a partner. For the love of all that is holy, do NOT breed any more with this total waste of carbon.

Penguinsandspaniels · 29/03/2026 13:32

Chilly80 · 29/03/2026 13:28

Can you give him a formal eviction notice?

How is it your house if you are married?

Maybe was hers before they met like my house was

Chilly80 · 29/03/2026 13:28

Can you give him a formal eviction notice?

How is it your house if you are married?

Tryagain26 · 29/03/2026 13:12

Easterbunnyishotandcross · 28/03/2026 13:50

Ime it's a conversation to be had early in with dc..
We agreed dh does any parties from football team.
I do school friends parties...

Or perhaps agree alternate invites..
. But dd shouldn't miss out.
But dh has a point. Parties are mind numbing.

But he also refused to stay home and do the necessary cleaning/sorting.

Elisabeth3468 · 29/03/2026 12:56

Very selfish man!!