Is private always better?

Completely depends on the private school. State schools actually pay teachers more than most private ones do so you are not necessarily getting a better teacher.
You are mainly paying for smaller class sizes and better facilities.
Many private schools are also struggling with the change in vat rules and some have closed abruptly.

I don’t think private is always better but I’ve moved from a state to a prep and my individual schools compared give me no doubt that the prep I’ve chosen is better than the state. Counter to the fear in the OP’s post about having a bit of her daughter’s zest knocked out of her, I can say our experience has been the opposite. My daughter is much more relaxed and chilled out despite the work load and expectations increasing and she has had so many opportunities in sport, drama and music.

I would observe the opposite to your friend, that my DD in her local state primary was herded like cattle and subject to ridiculous behavioural and uniform policies, while the minute she moved into a lovely little private prep with small class sizes she blossomed in every single way possible. The activity enrichment and allowance for individual quirky personalities in private schools can be incredible.

Private school isn’t always the best. DD went to state school, has come out with top GCSE’s and has an offer for a uni place at Durham. She has a part time job as a youth worker and also dances competitively.

2 friends sent 3 kids to private. They are lovely kids but I was not impressed with how the school dealt with bullying, emotional issues etc. I wouldn’t even say the academic achievements made up for the poor pastoral side.

I agree. The reason we have one child in private is that they needed the calm order. The general rowdiness of our state offering distressed them and they refused to go in the end. Their siblings were fine with the rowdy so they stayed at state. They appreciated that their sibling couldn’t cope.

A really good state school is probably just as good as private. Pity we don’t have that option here.

The best school for a bright pupil is usually a Grammar school. Parents are more engaged, many students excel in Sport and Music, and behaviour is, on the whole, better. Many students come out with straight 9s and then A*s and it’s free. Comprehensives give you a better understanding of how people exist in the real world and prepares you for the tough challenges of life. Pupils who are excluded from local private schools often end up at our school. When they arrive they often struggle and have to push themselves harder to succeed. But they adapt quickly and find their place. It can be a huge shock. You are not spoon fed in State schools, but at least you know all your teachers are qualified and work extremely hard.

I agree with this. Choose the school that seems the best fit for your daughter AND aligns best with your values and priorities

I’m not anti-private at all, but I moved my daughter from a prep school to state school for reception, having sent her to nursery at the prep school and fully anticipating that she would stay there. Elements of it were lovely, but I was gradually put off by the intense academic pressure in older years and the lack of socioeconomic diversity creating a (to my mind) unhealthy “bubble” effect. This, I’m sure, will be exacerbated following the VAT changes.

She started reception at our local state primary. Like you, we are in a “naice” area, so it’s still not exactly representative of society as a whole, but it feels much more “normal” in terms of the social mix and the interests of the children. We are able to supplement sport and music and whatever else at home. We are fortunate to be able to easily afford school fees, and would definitely still be paying had we not thought the advantages of our option outweighed the advantages of the prep.

Children are just children - it’s outrageous of PP to suggest that those who attend state school are more “feral” or covered in lunch because they have been sent to the local “cattle market”. Indeed, I sometimes felt that the glossy prep sometimes focused on optics to impress the parents rather than necessarily putting the children front and centre. Make sure you look beyond the cute boaters when making your decision!

Bright children pass at any school. That’s very different to excelling.

Hahahaha, was this the same school (also had a Dr with a PhD in Chemistry)? I saw some awful teaching in that school, especially from those without teaching qualifications. Having a PhD or degree from Oxbridge was seen as superior to having QTS. It can be a bit like the Wild West at times.

I think the one thing that’s hard to beat is facilities, as so many private schools have far nicer facilities and grounds than the state schools. This isn’t everything of course.

a bright, confident child will likely excel at any school

This is really not true. It’s so far from being true.
We don’t expect bright adults to excel in very difficult work environments but we think children are resilient and should reach their potential at any school if they are bright enough.

Of course the right school doesn’t automatically mean it has to be private and I do agree with your last sentence.

Just don't.

The one private school teacher that sticks in my memory...
Dr so-and-so had a PhD in chemistry, and we were all instructed that pupils must call him Dr rather than Mr at all times. Fair enough, whatever.
Dr so-and-so then started to teach. How did he teach, you ask?
He spent the ENTIRE HOUR writing an essay - in beautiful cursive - on the whiteboard in front of the class. In silence.
The pupils simply write it down themselves.
That's it. That was the lesson.
Rinse and repeat.
Nobody ever picked him up on it. The attitude was very much 'well this is a traditional teaching style, and we are a private school established in the 1800s, so it's fine.'
Looking back I actually can't believe he got away with it, but there we are.

Sounds like the smaller class sizes of a private school should suit her well

I see it's been deleted. I didn't report it, BTW.

I would hope that both private and state sectors could manage kids who ‘shout out answers’. These children can unknowingly be really irritating and should be guided to more appropriate ways to show their knowledge.

I think you might be right. I hope so.

Pretty sure that was sarcasm!

I think it's satire, based on the black and white thinking the OP is asking us to do 😂

I… don’t know what that last poster is about but anyway.

a bright, confident child will likely excel at any school. It gets trickier when you’re talking about children who find various things difficult. I live in a city where 20% of children go to private school so I know several families at the private schools around us. Their kids appear to be just as likely to be happy as the children in our state school. There’s plenty of pluses and minuses to almost any school environment so it’s just about what suits your child best if you have the luxury of choice.

Not always but it has been in our experience. Interestingly the private primary is much more friendly and diverse and there is a much greater focus on developing the child’s strengths and interests rather than teaching to prepare for standardised tests.
We moved due to behaviour and bullying and have gone from having a near school refuser to a thriving, happy child. State secondary provision round here is a shitshow so barring disaster we’ll be in the private sector until 18

I agree with a lot of this (and worked in a private school with numerous teachers who didn’t have teaching qualifications and I’m sure the parents didn’t know). There are also some amazing private schools with excellent teaching and excellent facilities. It all depends on the school. It should be noted that academies can and do employ unqualified teachers too. It’s only local maintained schools that have to employ qualified teachers.

I think the worst private schools are probably better than the worst state schools, but the best private schools are fairly similar in terms of academic outcomes as the best state schools.

In my area the outcomes are similar for both so for us it was a no-brainer to go with state.

State school people are scum

Wow.

I work in a good school and I’d walk the streets before I sent either of my own kids to it.